Category: You Might Be Humor List

You Might Be From Chicago If…
1. You’ve ever had to switch from heat to A/C (or vice versa) in the same day.
2. You get extremely irritated when you hear people from other states pronounce the “S” at the end of “Illinois.”
3. Grocery stores have bags, not sacks.
4. You drink pop.
5. You’re convinced that the people who say you speak with an accent are crazy.
6. The names Stevenson, Eisenhower, and Kennedy mean more to you than just political figures.
7. You refer to Chicago as “the city” and to Lake Michigan as “the lake.”
8. You measure distance in minutes/hours.
9. You go to Indiana for fireworks.
10. You think people from Northwest Indiana don’t know how to drive.
11. You get pissed off at the people from Wisconsin who claim YOU don’t know how to drive.
12. Your favorite football teams are the Bears and any team that beats the Packers.
13. Every year at your neighborhood block party, a brawl breaks out over which baseball team is better.
14. You’ve ever used pieces of furniture (like couches, for example) to save your parking spot in the winter.
15. There are no such things as “freeways,” only “expressways” and “tollways.”
16. No cop, no stop.
17. The “L” is more than just a letter of the alphabet.
18. You know that there really is an East Side of Chicago, and it ain’t Lake Michigan!
19. You can’t tie your shoes, but you know the number for Empire Carpet (and the accompanying song) from memory.
20. When you hear the words “North/South Rivalry,” you don’t think of the Civil War.
21. You understand the significance of 708, 312, 773, 630, 847, and 815.
22. Everything south of I-80 is considered Southern Illinois.
23. You carry jumper cables in your car.
24. You know why they REALLY call Chicago “The Windy City.”
25. You can always spot at least one car running in a store parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of year.
26. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Plaines.”
27. Your school classes were ever cancelled because of cold, whether or not there was snow on the ground.
28. Your school classes were ever cancelled because of heat.
29. You understand what “lake effect” means.
30. You know what goes on a Chicago Style hot dog.
31. “Deep dish” is the only kind of pizza you will eat.

Much like the redneck lists, the good lists make you wonder if the person is putting himself down for being one.

You might be a Cheesehead if…
1. If your idea of a 7-course meal is a Brat and a 6-pack… you might be a Cheesehead!
2. If the Packer gear you wear to the game costs more than the trailer you live in… you might be a Cheesehead!
3. If you go to a December game without a shirt on… and so does your husband… you might be a Cheesehead!
4. If you name any of your kids Brett, Bart, Vince, Ray, or Curly… you might be a Cheesehead!
5. If your wedding dress has a “G” on it… you might be a Cheesehead!
6. If you’ve ever missed a wedding, your own child’s birth, or a funeral to go to a game… you might be a Cheesehead!
7. If you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned at the same game… you might be a Cheesehead!
8. If you owe more money on your seat license than on your car… you might be a Cheesehead!
9. If you refer to the Packers as “we”… you might be a Cheesehead!
10. If ANY of your lingerie has Green Bay Packers anywhere on it, and your husband thinks it’s the sexiest thing you own… you both might be Cheeseheads!
11. If game time temperature is going to be in the 20’s and you’re not sure if you should take a jacket… you might be a Cheesehead!
12. If you have EVER drunk a beer at a game when it was below zero… you might be a Cheesehead!
13. If your skin has ever been frozen to a seat or a goal post… you might be a Cheesehead!
14. If you spend more each month on tickets than you do on rent… you might be a Cheesehead!
15. If you have a casual and a formal cheesehead… you might be a Cheesehead… and an idiot!
16. If wearing a cheesehead to anywhere besides a Packers game seems like a good idea… you might be a Cheesehead!
17. If your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday… you might be a Cheesehead!
18. If you can’t say “Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field” without dropping your voice 2 octaves… you might be a Cheesehead!

I’m wondering if this was submitted by a soon-to-be ex-wife:

You might be a cheapskate if……

1. You concentrate on lowest prices than quality of an item.
2. You’ve ever went Christmas shopping at Goodwill.
3. You bought your wife her anniversary present at a yard sale.
4. Your brand new car will only last 2 years because you will never take it for repairs when needed.
5. You never buy flowers at Memorial Day.
6. You take your wife out for her anniversary dinner to McDonald’s or Wal-Mart snack bar every year.
7. When shopping for groceries,you don’t buy it unless you have a coupon or it’s on sale.
8. You discreetly steal(without getting caught) every chance you get. [ okay, that’s worse than a cheapskate… unless you’re stealing extra ketchup packets–then that’s just sad ]
9. You live in a house built in 1954 and it hasn’t been remodeled since then.
10. You have a bumper sticker that says,”My Other Car Is A Piece Of Shit Too.” and it’s true.
11. You can’t remember the last time you donated to a good cause.
12. You’re not even sure if there was a FIRST time you donated to a good cause.
13. You do not drink alcohol unless it’s open bar.
14. You say you only have 2 bucks when in reality there is 200 bucks in your wallet.
15. You ALWAYS drink water when you go to a restaurant. (unless you think someone else is going to pick up the tab… Then, you order the most expensive beverage they have. )
16. You usually take a bag of chips to covered dish picnics you get invited to.
17. Every year, getting a Christmas tree involves going into isolated woods.
18. You are a smoker and you bum more cigarettes than you buy your own.
19. Your wife’s most common phrase at your home is,”It’s probably broken like everything else around this place!”
20. Your kids get penny candy for Easter every year… from penny-operated gumball machines.

You might be a cat lover if…
–You laugh or say, “Oh, aren’t you clever,” when your cats misbehave.
–Your cat’s picture is your wallpaper on your computer at work.
–You get into discussions with people about whose cat(s) are smarter/funnier/cuter. . .
–including your boss and your mother.
–You choose your music based on what your cats like. (I love hard rock and metal but never listen to it at home because my cats hate it.)
–You have ever posted to the Bad Kitty or Bad Human lists.
–The only meat in your house is in your cats’ food.
–If you get flowers from a guy, you hide them even before you see the cat looking hungrily at them.
–You have ever taken an entire roll of film just of your cats.
*If something furry at your feet in the shower doesn’t bother you (yes, my cat LOVES the shower!)
*If you have a towel in your bathroom for the cats
*If your Mom shows everyone pictures of her “grandkitties”
*If your parents are happy that the only grandchildren they have wear a permanate fur coat
*If you pick clothes and furniture based on what doesn’t show white fur
*If the $100 you spent on the Littermaid could possibly be your best investment
*If you own multiple lint rollars yet only use them for guests or really important outfits

You might be a Canadian if…

You’re not offended by the term “HOMO MILK”.

You understand the phrase “Could you pass me a serviette, i just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield.”

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know that a mickey and 24’s mean, “Party at the camp, eh!!”

You don’t care about the fuss with Cuba. It’s a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars and no Americans.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Candy, William Shatner, Tom Green, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Pamela Anderson Lee and many more, are Canadians.

You know that the CEO of American Airlines is a Canadian.

You design your halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced “Zed”.

Your local newspaper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter and road work.

You know that when it’s 25 degrees outside, it’s a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan”.

You perk up when you hear the theme song from “Hockey Night in Canada”.

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

“Eh?” is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite then “Huh?”.

… And this is a simple joke.. no need to flame how non-superior Americans are.

1.You know all the words to “If I had a million dollars” by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed
2.You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly.”
3.You wonder why there isn’t a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.
4.You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.

5.You participate in Participaction!

6.Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on.
7.You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing ‘u’s from labor, honor, and color.
8.You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
9.You think -10 C (14F) is mild weather.
10.You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
11.You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky
12.You can drink legally while still a teen.
13.You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
14.You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that
15.You know what a toque is.
16.You know Toronto is not a province.
17.You never miss “Coaches Corner.”
18.Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favorites food groups.
19.You actually read, not scanned this list

You might be a buffy junkie if…
# Own a full set of at least one season of Buffy cards
# Are always relating everyday situations back to a Buffy episode
# Can describe in full detail the relationship between Buffy and Spike from beginning to end
# Know what the heck Drusilla is talking about
# Squeeled with delight when Buffy and Angel first kissed
# Screamed when Oz left
# Hated Veruca’s guts
# Made a summary of every episode including the original unaired pilot
# Have a horrible day until you think of a funny BTVS quote
# Have unlocked everything on Chaos Bleeds (the game)
# don’t drink beer until you remind yourself that Buffy turned into a cavegirl from the beer in the episode “Beer Bad”
# Know the lyrics to all the songs in the musical episode “Once More, With Feeling”
# Rant to yourself about Buffy

Your band might be a sell-out if…..

1. Music you wrote and recorded is constantly heard on top 40 radio.
2. You see yourself on MTV more than once a week.
3. You have more female fans than male fans.
4. You went to a mall and saw at least one t-shirt advertising for your band.
5. Merchandise advertising for your band isn’t only t-shirts.
6. You saw your picture with your bandmates on the front of Rolling Stone magazine.
7. Nickelodeon and The Disney Channel will even play your videos.
8. You have been asked by more than five companies to do a commercial.
9. You became a millionaire in one year despite the fact you dropped out of high school.
10. You can’t take a leisurely stroll without everybody forming a crowd around you,asking for your autograph.

you might be in the army if…

after your Army boyfriend asks you a question ending with, Hooah??

You talk to your mom and dad and say: roger and negative with each question they ask.

You are discharged from the Army and still drop and push 10 out when you do one little thing wrong.

You make a list of details for your S.O. to do while your gone to work and you inspect his work when you get home.

You are discharged from the Army and still can’t walk straight, meaning you still march around and turn corners funny.

You carry everything in your left hand when you’ve been out for a year.

You deploy and hook up a stereo system in your Hummwv with small speakers and get away with it.

You deploy and your mom sends you bags of M&M’s for your missions to share with your team members.

You are a female and after learning that you can’t look like GI Jane with no hair you still want to shave your head even though its against the Army standards.

You can run faster than most men in your company.

You are discharged from the Army and your best clothes are still your Class A’s.

MRE’s are your favorite food over pizza.

Your favorite thing to do at 0430 is PT.

You might have grown up in the 90s if…
-Airwalk was ever your preferred shoe brand.
-You’ve ever wore a T-shirt under an unbuttoned button-down shirt.
-You’re STILL saving for a Dodge Viper.
-You taped every episode of Ren And Stimpy.
-You taped every episode of Beavis And Butthead.
-You know what the term “grunge” means.
-Your parents have ever walked into the coffeehouse and uttered the words,”Come home.It’s time for dinner.”
-Ditto if you were ever at the mall.
-You went back to your high school and recovered the drawer-full of confiscated hackeysacks. AND they ALL were yours and have a story behind them.
-You own EVEN one Poison Pog.
-AND you STILL know how to play the Poison Pog game.
-50% of your conversations were about what happened on Dawson’s Creek.

You might be an child of the 80s if…
1. You are more in love with New Kids On The Block than N’Sync.
2. Shopping is still your favorite past-time.
3. Rambo is still your hero.
4. You own every single Rocky film on DVD.
5. You love to shop at Gadzooks because of some of the novelty t-shirts they sell.
6. You really DO wear your sunglasses at night.
7. Your Trans-Am is dubbed your “pride and joy”.
8. You still proudly wear three quarter length t-shirts.
9. You still proudly wear spandex.
10. You will never part with your G.I. Joe sheet set.
11. Looking back,you wish you’d taped every episode of Knight Rider.
12. You wake up at 8 AM every Saturday moring,only to be disappointed because The Smurfs aren’t on anymore.
13. The only games you ever play at the arcade are:Pac-Man,Space Invaders,Pole Position,Centipede and Galaxian.
14. You are in your twenties and songs from the 80s drive you to reminisce about the days you were a kid.
15. You miss the ritual of watching The Dukes Of Hazzard every Friday night.
You remember the great “Smurfs vs. Snorks” debate
…you still participate in that debate.

You can name every one of the Transformers
…you still have every one of the Transformers
…and still play with them

When someone says ho, you think “Thunder, thunder, thunder, Thundercats…”
…you still have a crush on Panthro

You remember “Mask”
…and have been caught humming the theme song
…in the last 2 hours

You instinctively leave the house whenever Soul Train comes on
…no matter what time
…or what day

“By the power of Grayskull…”

You still bear emotional scars from having to play Kowl during playground She-Ra games.
…you remember which one was Kowl

17. You know Alf from the television show, not from those annoying 10-10-whatever commercials.

18. You emailed corrections for “I Love the ’80s” to VH1.

19. You remember the original airing of most of the videos on VH1 Classic.

20. VH1 Classic is your favorite channel
…and you’re under 30.

21. You know which Corey was which
…people still ask you to clarify
…because of the Tiger-Beat t-shirt
-your kid’s first word was “grody to the max”, “gag me with a spoon”, or “that’s like, so bitchin'”
-you like the New Monkees better than you like the Monkees
-you’ve actually seen an episode of the New Monkees
-you’ve actually seen every episode
-and bought the album
-you still think red M&M’s are a big deal
-you could really go for Penguin’s
-you know that last one is referring to frozen yogurt
-you prefer Pseudo Echo’s version of “Funkytown” to Lipps Inc’s version
-you’re aware that Pseudo Echo did a version of “Funkytown”
-you have heard of Pseudo Echo
-you know who Gordon Shumway is.
-you still think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is cool.
-you actually tried calling in sick to work by saying you had “Pac-Man fever”
-“the 9th key” has any signifigance to you.