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- you wake up drssed as a woman and think, “hey, I look alright.!”
- you walk into the house saying “Home Honey, I’m High”
- you lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- you wake up in the bedroom fully clothed, except for your underwear, which you strangly find in the bathroom.
- you go into any bar in town and they have a bar stool with you name engraved on the back.
- you wake up in the middle of the night, pee in a beer bottle, and then the next morning wake up take a drink and exclaim, “This beer is stale!”
- every night, your roommate’s cat gets more and more attractive.
- when you walk in, the whole bar says hello.
- you think beer is the elusive 6th food group.
- your only conversations with God are over a commode pleading “just help me stop puking and I’ll NEVER drink again!”
- you wake up and find a loaf of unsliced bread with bites missing next to your bed!
- you’re as jober as a sudge.
- you throw a rock at the ground and miss.
- you can trip over a cordless phone.
- you get out of bed and miss the floor.
- you think that the floor always slants when you stand up.
- you think your best date is the bartender because you see her more than one night.
- you think that the way to prononce your name actually involves a blech.
- you never need a family reunion, you started drinking at the same bar as your family.
- you think your dinner is made out of the bloody mary vegtables.
- you wake up in the morning and can’t figure out how you got home, and then realize that you are not at home.
- your slogan is “Save Water, Drink Beer”.
- the yellow couch you’ve been lying on turns out to be the curb.
- people didn’t know you drank till you sobered up once
- you keep trying to order a bouble durban
- you try to change a light bulb by holding onto it and letting the room spin
- doctors find traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- you have to grab onto your lawn to keep from falling off the world.
- you find yourself inside a bus shelter and can’t get out.
- you puke on a moth then weep for hours cause you killed it.
- you have so much trouble aiming that you hit the other objects in the bathroom more than the toilet…
- …especially if you manage to hit the ceiling.
- there is only one very large woman in the bar, and she just happens to be the woman of your dreams.
- your bed is flying through your bedroom and you have to wait for it to pass so you can jump in. ( How come everyone out there is nodding their heads???
- the walls have grown fluorescent lights.
- your bed feels remarkably similar to the tarmac on a car park.
- you bark at the cat.
- you crash on the bed, get up three hours later–take a long walk to the “bathroom” and later suspect that the dog has relieved himself in your room.
- you think the TV is a urinal.
- you think that everyone out on the freeway wants to hear your rendition of “See me, Feel me” from Tommy.
- you can take a group shower in mixed company without any regrets or incidents.
