- you wake up drssed as a woman and think, “hey, I look alright.!”
- you walk into the house saying “Home Honey, I’m High”
- you lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- you wake up in the bedroom fully clothed, except for your underwear, which you strangly find in the bathroom.
- you go into any bar in town and they have a bar stool with you name engraved on the back.
- you wake up in the middle of the night, pee in a beer bottle, and then the next morning wake up take a drink and exclaim, “This beer is stale!”
- every night, your roommate’s cat gets more and more attractive.
- when you walk in, the whole bar says hello.
- you think beer is the elusive 6th food group.
- your only conversations with God are over a commode pleading “just help me stop puking and I’ll NEVER drink again!”
- you wake up and find a loaf of unsliced bread with bites missing next to your bed!
- you’re as jober as a sudge.
- you throw a rock at the ground and miss.
- you can trip over a cordless phone.
- you get out of bed and miss the floor.
- you think that the floor always slants when you stand up.
- you think your best date is the bartender because you see her more than one night.
- you think that the way to prononce your name actually involves a blech.
- you never need a family reunion, you started drinking at the same bar as your family.
- you think your dinner is made out of the bloody mary vegtables.
- you wake up in the morning and can’t figure out how you got home, and then realize that you are not at home.
- your slogan is “Save Water, Drink Beer”.
- the yellow couch you’ve been lying on turns out to be the curb.
- people didn’t know you drank till you sobered up once
- you keep trying to order a bouble durban
- you try to change a light bulb by holding onto it and letting the room spin
- doctors find traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- you have to grab onto your lawn to keep from falling off the world.
- you find yourself inside a bus shelter and can’t get out.
- you puke on a moth then weep for hours cause you killed it.
- you have so much trouble aiming that you hit the other objects in the bathroom more than the toilet…
- …especially if you manage to hit the ceiling.
- there is only one very large woman in the bar, and she just happens to be the woman of your dreams.
- your bed is flying through your bedroom and you have to wait for it to pass so you can jump in. ( How come everyone out there is nodding their heads???
- the walls have grown fluorescent lights.
- your bed feels remarkably similar to the tarmac on a car park.
- you bark at the cat.
- you crash on the bed, get up three hours later–take a long walk to the “bathroom” and later suspect that the dog has relieved himself in your room.
- you think the TV is a urinal.
- you think that everyone out on the freeway wants to hear your rendition of “See me, Feel me” from Tommy.
- you can take a group shower in mixed company without any regrets or incidents.
GOTTA Â LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE
Â A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 Â o’clock in the morning byÂ
Â loud pounding on the Â door.Â
Â The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken Â stranger,
Â standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a Â push.
Â “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the Â
Â He slams the door and returns to Â bed.Â
Â “Who was that?” asked his Â wife.
Â Â “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he Â answers.Â
Â “Did you help him?” she Â asks.Â
Â Â “No, I did not! It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring
Â Â outÂ there!”Â
Â Well, you have a short memory,” says Â his wife. “Can’t you
Â rememberÂ about three months ago when we Â broke down and
Â Â those two guys helpedÂ us? I think you should help him, and Â
Â Â you should be ashamed ofÂ yourself!”Â
Â The man does as he Â is told, gets dressed, and goes out into theÂ
Â pounding rain. He Â calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you stillÂ there?”Â
Â Â Yes” comes back the answer.
Â Do you still need a push?” calls out Â the husband.Â
Â Yes, Please!” comes the reply from the Â dark.Â
Â Where are you?” asks the husband.Â
Â Â “Over here on the swing!” replies the drunkÂ