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You might be a hipster if…

You might be a hipster if…

  • You eat kale in a form that doesn’t involve cooking it down with some kind of meat fat.
  • You buy clothes from thrift stores for a reason that isn’t purely financial.
  • You live in a neighborhood that people two decades ago wouldn’t have walked through in broad daylight, but paid more per square foot than any other area of town would demand.
  • By the time anyone else listens to a band, you’ve moved on because they’re “too mainstream”.
  • You’ve gentrified every food that poor people used to enjoy before you made it “artisanal”.
  • You’ve paid more for a hamburger off of a food truck than your average person pays for 3 pounds of ground beef.
  • You line up for a half an hour for a food truck that charges more than a decent restaurant would for the same item.
  • You’d pay 500 per square foot for a trailer just because it had wood exterior and a composing toilet.
  • You wear glasses that maximize their presence by their shape or the thickness of their rims.
  • You’ve ever dressed ironically.
  • You seek out beers to drink that have nearly gone extinct due to their waning popularity (and questionable flavor.)
  • You have a ukelele that isn’t a toy.
  • You own a fixie.
  • You are against virtually anything that is mass-produced, but always have the latest iPhone.
  • You’ve spent more on Himalayan salt than normal groceries.
  • You’ve tried to figure out how close to a vegan diet your cat can eat.
  • You’ve retrofitted anything brand new with ancient technology that absolutely no one else uses (an 8-track in your Prius? Really?)
  • You were hipster before it was cool.
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You might be a Broadway musical lover if…

  1. You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from.
  2. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can’t help, but to sing the rest of the song.
  3. You know all the dance steps.
  4. You do all the Dance steps.
  5. and sing, You don’t care who sees you.
  6. You tell your friends a sentence, and ask them which musical, act, scene, song, it came from and which character says that line.
  7. You own more than 2 musical soundtracks, and they are so worn out, you have to replace them every 5 years.
  8. You sing instead of speaking. (constantly)
  9. You know “Timing is Everything” even in every day life.
  10. You name your pets and kids after characters on your favorite musicals. (my cat is named Roger, from Rent)
  11. You suggest at least 2 different musicals you want to see put on stage in your community theatre, and you want to direct it, and you already have a good idea how it’s going to look on stage. And you have a basic idea who are going to be your cast and crew, for every role.
  12. You are involved in 3 different community theatres, because each theatre has musicals different times of the year, so you are always involved in a musicals all year round. (no straight plays for you)
  13. You get annoyed when someone doesn’t sing the correct lines, and you try to help them learn it correctly.
  14. Every Halloween you are a character from a musical, and get offended if people don’t guess correctly, and if they Have no clue what that musical is after you tell them.
  15. You love to tell people your version of the Synopsis.
  16. You know what a Synopsis is.
  17. Your synopsis even include the words to every song.
  18. and who sings them.
  19. People run and hide if you say the word “Synopsis”
  20. You think $60 for a broadway ticket is worth it, and would pay again, within the same year. (especially your favorite musical)
  21. You have a website decicated to musicals.
  22. You have ONE website PER musical. (with links)
  23. You start your own Musical update Emailing list, and get upset when no one has joined, since you put it up a year ago.
  24. You don’t understand how other people can’t appericate GOOD music.
  25. People don’t understand how you can stand GOOD music.
  26. You get offended by that remark.
  27. You take a charter bus with everyone in your commuity theatre to go to New York to see a Broadway Musical, and it’s been booked in a year in advanced.
  28. You MAKE sure that trip to New York is planned out. (don’t want to miss that opportunity)
  29. You cried when your Favorite musical doesn’t play on Broadway anymore
  30. You get excited, because in a few years, you can have it put on in your own Community theatre. (look at #11)
  31. You built a webpage to find random musical soundtracks.
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You might be an audiobook lover if…

  • you’ve left audiobooks in your car an had the plastic container for the cassettes warp around the tapes.
  • you’ve run out of audiobooks to borrow at your library.
  • you’ve listened to books longer than most avid readers have read.
  • you welcomed the day Audible gave you a chance to listen to an audiobook without having to change tapes or CDs.
  • now that you listen on your smartphone, you can’t move the car until the audiobook resumes playing.
  • if the Bluetooth pairing for your smartphone has trouble, you’d rather mess with that before driving off than just do the 5 minute trip without an audiobook playing.
  • you look forward to getting stuck in traffic when you have a *really good* audiobook playing.
  • half of your monthly data usage on your phone is downloading new audiobooks (because you couldn’t possibly wait for a wifi connection to download.)
  • before going on a trip, you download more books than you pack changes of clothes.
  • you use the sleep timer on the Audible app so that you don’t accidentally “read the whole book” when you fall asleep.
  • you’ve forgotten to set the sleep timer and accidentally finished the same book several nights in a row.
  • you feel guilt over telling people you “read” an audiobook.
  • …but then again, Les Miserables took 60 hours to listen to so IT TOTALLY COUNTS!
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You might be a dog rescuer if…

  • A coworker starts talking about breeding puppies and icicles form in the air between you.
  • You can’t remember the last time you went looking for a dog to adopt, all of your dogs are “foster fails”.
  • If sanity and/or your spouse hadn’t prevented you from it, you’d have adopted all but one of the dogs you’ve rescued/fostered.
  • The one dog you wouldn’t have adopted would have been because you have your limits.
  • You own more dog crates than dogs.
  • You are long over your fascination with Cesar Millan and now question the suitability of his methods.
  • Other people see a “dangerous pit bull”, but you see a giant teddy bear of a dog.
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You might be in a man-made disaster movie if…

  • Your doom can be tied to one obnoxiously arrogant bureaucrat or business owner.
  • At least of your main protagonists has a rocky relationship that somehow ends up complicating everybody’s lives.
  • The key person sounding the alarm or capable of fixing things gets arrested or otherwise ostracized by those in power, often after being a hero.
  • When things really hit the fan and protagonists get trapped, they manage to do something completely predictable that miraculously works despite the laws of science being violated, such as driving on wheel rims across a lava flow.
  • A revolutionary way of harnessing energy or dealing with nature is being pioneered (and completely screwed up by) a company or project named after a Roman or Greek god.
  • Everything with the project goes exactly as expected, then almost instaneously becomes an irrecoverable situation.
  • No governmental agencies seem to be have evaluated the possibilities of things going wrong, despite the earth-disrupting power of the project.
  • Science beyond our current knowledge somehow is driven by computers that fail to a DOS prompt the second things go outside normal operating parameters.
  • There’s an implicit attempt to moralize about “playing God” in the outcome of failed experiments.
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You Might be an Engineer if…

  • you have half-broken objects in your house that you refuse to throw away with the hope that you can someday fix them.
  • you spend time looking at house hold products trying to devise a method for improvement.
  • you actually buy technical books.
  • you think that your way is the best way to do everything and constantly challenge ideas.
  • you solder tools together to form new objects
  • you constantly inform people that the ships in Star Wars should all be silent in space. (Stu)
  • …and pick out other faults in movies regarding machines. (Stu)
  • you tell people that time travel is impossible. (Stu)
  • …minutes later you think of how you would build a time machine. (Stu)
  • you know “natural frequency” has nothing to do with bowel movements. (Stu)
  • you get angry when people won’t let you fix things they’ve broken. (Stu)
  • you tried to build Transformer toys out of lego as a kid. (Stu)
  • …and tried to invent various lego contraptions in the hope of making money. (Stu)
  • you beg everyone you know to call you “Scotty.” (Caitlin H.)
  • you can do vector calculus in your head, but you forgot how to do long division. (Psycho Dragon, christop@umr.edu)
  • you consider a databook “good reading” when you’re on the toilet. (Stu Bell)
  • the first thing you do with anything new is take it apart to see how it works. (Stu Bell)
  • the last time you moved, you needed two dumpsters to haul off the scrap electrical parts from your work room.  (Stu Bell)
  • you not only know what a left-handed constabulator is, but you designed one once, for fun.  (Stu Bell) Okay, okay… I’m more of a computer geek than an engineer…
  • you paid more for math and science books during college than most people pay for tuition.
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You Might be a College Student if…

  • Your grocery list is always the same-Boxed macaroni & cheese,Twinkies and pop.
  • Your refrigerator is 3 feet tall and has more beer than food in it.
  • Stolen road signs and blacklight posters replace pictures.
  • You paid $500 for your car, $5,000 for your car stereo.
  • You owe the beer distributor more than you owe for books and other student loans.
  • You use the “healing powers” excuse everytime you start a petition to legalize marijuana.
  • The cops come to your door on a daily basis telling you to keep the noise down.
  • You get up at 6P.M.,go to bed at 6A.M.
  • Your cat eats leftover pizza instead of Science diet,meow mix,etc.
  • Your source for information is MTV news.
  • You’ve ever shoplifted from Goodwill.
  • You’ve ever blown a whole week’s pay on beer.
  • You can’t afford to shop at Abercrombie And Fitch but you do anyway.
  • You know exactly what time Taco Bell opens and closes.
  • The last time you cleaned your apartment is when you moved in.
  • Any of your furniture is inflatable.
  • You think Tommy Hilfiger should be president
  • Your calender is marked with every bar’s happy hour.
  • You don’t need a stove because you have a microwave.
  • You have tickets to a Phish concert the weekend you go home.You of course choose the concert.
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You Might be a New Jersey Driver if…

  • Turn signals will give away your next move. A real New Jersey driver never uses them.
  • Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you,or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
  • Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.
  • The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
  • Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
  • A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
  • Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. New Jersey is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn’t have anything to lose.
  • Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.
  • Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to scare people entering the highway.
  • Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.
  • Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a New Jersey driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.
  • Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in New Jersey.
  • Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
  • Learn to swerve abruptly. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.
  • It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.
  • Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
  • Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get there first,by whatever means necessary.
  • Real New Jersey women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
  • Real New Jersey men drivers can remove their girlfriend’s panties and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
  • In the New Jersey area ‘flipping someone the bird’ is considered a polite New Jersey salute. This gesture should always be returned.
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You Might be from Iowa if..

  • you are from a town that has nearly as many churches and bars as houses.
  • you bought a case of beer in one of those little towns when you were 16.
  • you live in a beautiful old house with transparent plastic sheeting over the stom windows.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • “Vacation” means driving through the Amanas, going to Adventureland or Okoboji.
  • You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
  • Snow tires are standard on your car.
  • You “go into town”
  • You have no concept of public transportation.
  • The only reason you go to Missouri is for fireworks
  • You wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees.
  • You have gone trick-or-treating in 2 feet of snow.
  • You “warsh” your clothes.
  • State Wresting was a big deal at your high school
  • You measure distance in minutes
  • The nearest Gap and Ann Taylor are at least 90 minutes away
  • Down south to you means Missouri
  • You know several people who have hit a deer
  • You were allowed to get a “school permit” to drive at age 14 if you lived more than a mile from school
  • You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Moines”
  • You could play “Iowa Bingo” with county road names when traveling from town to town (C65, D15, P36, N19, etc.)
  • You know the answer to the question, “Is this Heaven?”
  • Your school classes were canceled because of cold
  • Your school classes were canceled because of heat
  • You know what “Hawks” and “Clones” are.
  • You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way
  • You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day
  • You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July
  • Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks
  • You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
  • You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
  • You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:”Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”
  • All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
  • Detassling was your first job
  • You’ve ever been on a “Geode Hunt”
  • Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
  • You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner
  • You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both  unlocked
  • You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
  • You drink “pop.”
  • When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, “It was different.”
  • Going to Target is your idea of FUN
  • Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up.
  • You consider being called a “Pork Queen” an honor.
  • People from other states love to hear you say “Iowa” and other words with “Os” in them.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car.
  • You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
  • You know what “cow tipping” is
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You Might be Drunk if…

  • you wake up drssed as a woman and think, “hey, I look alright.!”
  • you walk into the house saying “Home Honey, I’m High”
  • you lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • you wake up in the bedroom fully clothed, except for your underwear, which you strangly find in the bathroom.
  • you go into any bar in town and they have a bar stool with you name engraved on the back.
  • you wake up in the middle of the night, pee in a beer bottle, and then the next morning wake up take a drink and exclaim, “This beer is stale!”
  • every night, your roommate’s cat gets more and more attractive.
  • when you walk in, the whole bar says hello.
  • you think beer is the elusive 6th food group.
  • your only conversations with God are over a commode pleading “just help me stop puking and I’ll NEVER drink again!”
  • you wake up and find a loaf of unsliced bread with bites missing next to your bed!
  • you’re as jober as a sudge.
  • you throw a rock at the ground and miss.
  • you can trip over a cordless phone.
  • you get out of bed and miss the floor.
  • you think that the floor always slants when you stand up.
  • you think your best date is the bartender because you see her more than one night.
  • you think that the way to prononce your name actually involves a blech.
  • you never need a family reunion, you started drinking at the same bar as your family.
  • you think your dinner is made out of the bloody mary vegtables.
  • you wake up in the morning and can’t figure out how you got home, and then realize that you are not at home.
  • your slogan is “Save Water, Drink Beer”.
  • the yellow couch you’ve been lying on turns out to be the curb.
  • people didn’t know you drank till you sobered up once
  • you keep trying to order a bouble durban
  • you try to change a light bulb by holding onto it and letting the room spin
  • doctors find traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  • you have to grab onto your lawn to keep from falling off the world.
  • you find yourself inside a bus shelter and can’t get out.
  • you puke on a moth then weep for hours cause you killed it.
  • you have so much trouble aiming that you hit the other objects in the bathroom more than the toilet…
  • …especially if you manage to hit the ceiling.
  • there is only one very large woman in the bar, and she just happens to be the woman of your dreams.
  • your bed is flying through your bedroom and you have to wait for it to pass so you can jump in. ( How come everyone out there is nodding their heads???
  • the walls have grown fluorescent lights.
  • your bed feels remarkably similar to the tarmac on a car park.
  • you bark at the cat.
  • you crash on the bed, get up three hours later–take a long walk to the “bathroom” and later suspect that the dog has relieved himself in your room.
  • you think the TV is a urinal.
  • you think that everyone out on the freeway wants to hear your rendition of “See me, Feel me” from Tommy.
  • you can take a group shower in mixed company without any regrets or incidents.