A list from 10+ years ago…

• you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge.
• there is writing on the white-out on your screen
• -you can’t figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means
• someone asks you how to cut and paste, you say “just use scissors and glue.”
• you try to squash your disk to compress files in it.
• you scream “Bloody hell! What have i done wrong THIS time, you ***** computer?” every time your computer spits out “error”.
• you own your computer only 5 minutes before you crash it. (Lisa)
• you try to find a game and can’t, and you hit the monitor and scream, “Why won’t you work?!?” (Lisa)
• when the screen saver comes on you’re almost positive that your computer really did crash this time.
• if there is white out on your computer screen. (Visitor submission)
• if you don’t use Windows because you religiously don’t believe in icons. (Dave Tibbs)
• you wonder who General Protection Fault is and what the hell the army wants from you.
• the only reason you hang out with that *geek* next door is because he will fix your computer for free (Amy R.).
• you think your mouse is a foot pedal (Jason)
• you own a Macintosh (Visitor Submission: Doc Holiday) (please don’t flame me on this one.)
• you think the computer from which virus came actually created the virus (it’s all a conspiracy).
• you think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
• you think the “escape” key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.
• you don’t know where the “any” key is.
• you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
• you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
• you use AOL disks as coasters.  (Also a sign that you’re a computer geek.)
• you’ve used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
• you think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
• you think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
• you’ve ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
• you’ve ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
• you went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies…
• …and you really needed it.
• you think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to. (Geeks have this problem too.)
• Someone gives you a 5-1/4″ Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2″ Drive and wonder why the drive doesn’t work. (Michael M.)
• You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an “Illegal Operation” error on your computer screen. (Jay)

• you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the way they are,” after meeting the parents.
• you’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!”
• …outside of the classroom.
• you can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.
• you believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on report cards.
• you think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.
• you hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.
• your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.
• you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
• you correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
• when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
• you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
• your correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
• when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
• any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.
• you think it’s normal to go through four years of college to earn a salary that’s below the poverty line.
• you send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public…
• … and they go.
• you cringe whenever someone says, “At least you give three months vacation.”
• …or “I would love to get off work at 3.”
• (most) people allow you to tell their child what to do.

• you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week.
• you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
• you refer to the Packers as “we.”
• your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• snow tires come standard on all your cars.
• you know what cowtipping is.
• traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
• you know what a bubbler is.
• a brat is something you eat.
• you only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
• you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
• your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightshirt.
• you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
• you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
• you consider Madison exotic.
• you don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
• you were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
• you go out for fish fry every Friday.
• you know what to do with a Blatz.
• you can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
• you know how to polka.
• you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
• at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
• you know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.
• you can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.
• you’ve seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
• the local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports. you drink soda and refer to your dad as “pop.”
• formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
• your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
• you find 0 degrees a little chilly.
• you actually understand these jokes.
• you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.
• “Down South” to you means Chicago…
• your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar…
• at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm…
• you can identify a Michigan accent…
• you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike…
• traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee…
• the “Big Three” means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR
• you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday…
• the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do…
• your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce…
• you think there should be a “FIB go home” bumper sticker on every car north of Madison…
• a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer…
• you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts…
• when you tell someone where you are from and they say: ‘I thought that was part of Canada…
• your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July…
• you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions…..
• every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.
• FFA was the most popular club in high school. (That’s Future Farmers of America to the rest of you.)
• you have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.
• the town you grew up in had a bar called Ma’s Place.
• cheese is an important staple in your diet.
• there was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning…phew!
• you have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.
• you know how to pronounce “brat”.
• you loved it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer.
• Sunday morning at church involves lots of coffee, JellO molds and danish.
• Country Kitchen was the place to meet after the party. (or Perkins )
• you know someone who can use “ja, der hey” in a sentence.
• your school lost half their student body during deer season.
• at every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
• you ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.
• you know it’s traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
• you own at least one cheese head.
• Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game!
• you have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.
• you have been to at least one house party on Johnson Street in Madison.
• you get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it “Wesconsin”.
• your high school class went to the Pabst Theater to see “A Christmas Carol”.
• you thought everyone drank from “bubblers”.
• you went to the local tavern on Friday night for Fish Fry.
• you have drank “white soda” (ie 7Up, Sprite, etc).
• you have experienced snow storms in April.
• you have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.
• you know what a “flatlander” is and you know all the “why Wisconsin is better than Illinois” jokes.
• you get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play “On Wisconsin”.
• you believe that Badgers will always beat Gophers.
• The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are.
• you have been to a “BoDeans” concert.
• you have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana,German Fest, Irish Fest or all of the above.
• you or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.
• you have gone out of your way to eat ice cream at Gilles’ or Kopp’s.
• Goodyear Tire on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas
• driving is better in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow
• sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
• the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
• you head south to go to your cottage.
• the trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.
• you play hockey outdoors 10 months a year.
• you can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.
• you were offended by the movie Fargo.
• your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers .
• you’ve seen a hodag.
• you know that Gotham is a real city.
• your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
• Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive in a giant beer mug.
• you tried to tap the Worlds Largest Six Pack.
• you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
• you have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
• you define swimming season as Labor Day weekend..
• you know where the city of Waunakee is AND can pronounce it
• you have more fishing poles than teeth.
• you’ve taken your kids trickortreating in a blizzard
• you know which leaves make good toilet paper
• your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus
• you define Summer as three months of bad sledding…
• you got a passport to go to Minnesota…
• you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend…
• your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
• you can identify an Illinois accent.
• you know where Oconomowoc is AND can pronounce and spell it.

A couple other places I found:

• Must Be From Wisconsin – If:
• You Know You’re From Wisconsin If…

• you refer to popular American beers as “swill”.
• you frequent any brewpub that has a disclaimer that they will ask you to leave if you order a light beer.
• you frequent any brewpub that does not serve beer other than its own in-house brew.
• you prefer home brew to mass-produced beer.
• …even bad home brew.
• you treat light beer drinkers the same as fruity martini drinkers.
• you know the IBUs of your beers.
• you’ve written reviews of beers on beer rating sites.
• you know the definition of “ale”, “lager”, “stout”, “doppelbock”, etc…
• you’ve ever uttered the word “hoppy”.
• “Beer is Food” doesn’t make you an alcoholic.
• you know beers by their country of origin.
• you are disturbed when you notice foreign beers that are served in ethnic restaurants that don’t match the country of origin.  [Sapporo in Thai restaurants, Singha in Indian...]