The following are ways of expressing the snow hysteria (especially on Twitter):
snOMG
snowmageddon
snoWTF
ohsnowudidnt
snoverkill
snowicane
snopacalypse
Added:
Some other snow portmanteau may be found on A Daily Portmanteau: Snowmenclature, including: snovice, snowhere, snowonder, snowbegone, snowmad, state of snomergency, snoway, snovacaine, snoxious, snowbotomy, snooky, snowcreation, snaction…
You standard response to any emergency is to post its occurrence as your status, then deal with the emergency.
…bonus points if you solicit advice for handling the emergency via Facebook.
You take every “What kind of …. are you?” quiz possible, including the “What kind of chia pet are you??” quiz. (I’m hope that I’m making that one up.)
You update statuses like a misguided Twitter addict.
You spam all of your friends with app requests so that you can unlock the next level of super pokes.
You keep answering 21 questions about your friends in a paranoid attempt to find out who thinks you would fart in public.
You spend more time playing Farmville than most people spend awake.
You insist on posting inappropriate things that your mom, who is your Facebook friend, feels compelled to respond to.
You’ve friended your disgruntled exes and regularly start awkward passive-aggressive rants about them.
You participate in every “post this as your status if” trend as if there was some “breaking the chain letter” curse for not doing so.
“25 things about me” was way too little information about yourself, so you fill out more lists that require you to tag your friends in your troubling revelations, making them collateral damage.
You rant about how stupid people are in your status, misspelling every other word.
You seem to think that every one of your “friends” would be interested in joining your fringe political movement, and attempt to persuade by derision of those too meek to stand up and join you.
You regularly feel compelled to post things that reveal too much information about things no one wants to know about. (Hint: If it came out of your body unexpectedly or happened when you were at least half-naked, the rest of us probably don’t want to know.)
you ask your black coworkers why their people are always trying to keep the white man down.
you openly discuss your menstrual cycle. If someone points out the fact that you’re a man, bring them up on sexual harassment charges.
you push your desk away from any direct sunlight because “it burns so bad.”
you wear all black and sacrifice small animals to the paper shredder gods.
you when in a crowded bathroom, stare directly at the person using the next urinal. If he turns to look at you, brand him a homosexual and threaten to tell his children.
you wear a rain bonnet because you’ve never trusted the filthy bastards that design fire sprinklers.
you walk up to peoples’ desks, look at pictures of their children and ask them who the hell they think they are, procreating.
you answer the phone, “I am the angel of the death. The hour of reckoning is upon us. How may I help you?”
you fall asleep at your desk. Wake up screaming, “GOOSE, I CAN’T REACH THE EJECTION HANDLE!!! EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!!”
you demand special treatment because you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of years of measuring fish while serving in the coast guard.
you enter the company day care center, look at the children and announce, “One of your parent’s was just killed in a horrible accident.” Turn around and leave.
turn your cubicle into a fort. Install a secret entrance and post a “Girls Have Cooties” sign.
ask a coworker if you can borrow their left shoe.
start a nasty rumor about your boss having an affair with the janitor just to see how much the story changes by the time it gets back to you.
during meetings, flatulate loudly, fan it toward your coworkers and ask them to guess what you had for breakfast.
you set up Star Wars action figures around your desk and sit around making Darth Vader breathing noises… Occasionally, you mumble something about crushing the rebellion and take out a group of action figures with a toy light saber.
everytime you want to change the subject you say “and now for something completely different”
you named your website Weasels and Spit
when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you’ve been doing you’ve ever replied “I just spent four hours buryin’ the cat” (and enjoyed the strange look you got)
you have ever responded to someone asking where something is by saying “Is it behind the rabbit?”
your birthday/Christmas wish list has “a holy hand granade” as your number one wish.
all of your comebacks/insults are in an “outrageous accent.”
somebody wishes to move past you (vehicle, etc.) you quote the bridge scene.
when someone asks your name you say “(in a thundering voice) Some people call me. . . (quieter) [your name here].
if you find yourself saying “NI” to people that you don’t like
you have a perfect cockney accent… and you’ve never been to England
you find yourself saying “tis only a scratch” when you are bleeding to death and laughing about it through the pain
you have all the CD’s with songs on them, and people catch you singing them to yourself.
you watched “As Good As It Gets” and snickered when Jack Nicholson played “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” not because of the irony of it all, but because you remember the song from “Life of Brian.”
you don’t see a problem with spaghetti [with sauce], white rice, and fried chicken on the same plate.
you take brownies to non-Filipino potluck dinners.
you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale.
you say kutex instead of nail polish.
you are stumped when asked what kind of bread in a deli.
you’re the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage.
you scratch your head when you don’t know what you’re doing.
you don’t want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others.
you say “she” when you should say “he”
you say “ano” this and “ano” that
you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people
you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/…
you have a big Buddha at home for good luck( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him).
you bring a “baon” to work everyday.
your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it.
you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up.
you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays.
you say things sorta backwards like towelpaper instead of papertowel and stick bread instead of breadsticks.
you say guper instead of gopher.
you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
you say “aray” instead of “ouch “.
you look up and say “ha!” when somebody says “what’s up”.
you write “Filipino” but pronounce it as “Pilipino”.
you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely.
you often say ‘Bulaga!’ when you want to scare someone.
you fire your gun like crazy on new year’s eve
you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back.
you preceed anything pluralized with “mga.”
you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain “who farted.”
you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets.
you have toyo circles on your table cloths.
you wash and reuse disposable styrofoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (Reynolds wrap) or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it.
you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners.
Also:
your house smells like mothballs [I think we switched to cedar, but still, the mothball smell remains.]
“Who moved my coffee” – Scurries in and out of the break room every five minutes to see if coffee has been made yet. Moves quickly to avoid being identified as someone who has seen the empty coffee pots and yet not made a pot of coffee. Related to The person with a phobia of making coffee.
The person with a phobia of making coffee – Leaves 2+ nearly empty pots on active burners after getting coffee, before 9am. If the coffee maker is already in such a state, will discreetly duck into the bathroom or wait 5 minutes for someone else to make a pot or two. Sometimes will turn off the burners or pull the filter basket out to “save energy” or hint that someone needs to make coffee.
The busy bee coffee maker – The opposite of the “phobia” person. Feels compelled to always ensure that all pots are full of fresh coffee. Will occasionally dump out a 1/2 pot that looks “old” to make this happen.
The dependent decaf drinker – As any dependent coffee drinker, drags self to the coffee maker, desperate for that morning boost, and grabs the DECAF pot.
The cheery decaf drinker – Acts about as cheery as someone who’s had a quad shot of espresso for the first time and walks up for a refill of decaf.
The half and half drinker – Probably uses coffee as an excuse for his half and half habit. Frozen coffee drinks at major chain stores are usually darker.
The burn off drinker – will drink the mostly evaporated sludge at the bottom of the pot. Sources are unclear whether this is a preference or laziness.
The “save energy because it’s after 10am” coffee drinker – Sometimes this is a cover for a phobia of making coffee. Other times, this is a reincarnation of your parents or grandparents who chased you around the house turning off everything you turned on. The 3pm coffee maker – Sometimes gets offended that a bulk of the office population stops drinking coffee after lunch and grumbles about having to make coffee. Other times, it’s a simple conditioned response from years of drinking coffee at coffee houses after 9 pm.
The tea drinker – Sends coffee drinkers in a panic when lining up for the last cup of coffee, only to use the hot water spout to make tea.
The oatmeal eater who uses a coffee mug – Same effect as the tea drinker, although the motivation seems a little more sinister.
The overpowering flavored coffee brewer – Brews coffee that taints the flavor of every pot brewed the remainder of the day, as well as tainting the air in 5,000 square feet of office space.
Inspired by Ben Thomas’ suggestions:
The procedural purist – Scolds anyone who takes from the pot early or uses the hot water tap on the coffee maker while coffee is brewing.
The accidental barista – Knows that a coffee house would brew at at least twice the coffee-to-water ratio that the pre-measured packs imply, and thusly, uses two packs of coffee per brew.
Some additional late additions
The soup mug coffee drinker – Drinks coffee out of a coffee mug [see Campbell’s Soup Mug]. While this serving size is no different than the 16-20 oz coffee tumbler, the clear advantage to this soup mug is the larger exposed surface area to aid in rapid cooling [as opposed to a tumbler which might be expected to keep the coffee warm for a longer period before the coffee is consumed].
The soda drinker – avoids the coffee area altogether, but sometimes stashes a cold soda in the refrigerator, and therefore, has to navigate the herd of people waiting for the coffee. Shakes head in amazement at such a dependency on a nasty brown liquid whilst scampering off with own artificially colored/flavored/carbonated water.
The coffee punter – sees an empty pot, sets it on top of the coffee maker to say, “Hey, someone needs to make coffee.” Walks off.
The absent-minded coffee maker – sees an empty pot on the second burner and a half-full pot on the brewing burner, makes a fresh pot of coffee with the half-full pot underneath. Everything near the coffee maker ends up with a permanent coffee coloring and/or smell.
]. While this serving size is no different than the 16-20 oz coffee tumbler, the clear advantage to this soup mug is the larger exposed surface area to aid in rapid cooling [as opposed to a tumbler which might be expected to keep the coffee warm for a longer period before the coffee is consumed].