You might be making your coworkers uncomfortable if…

(See also Grumpy Coworker)

  • you ask your black coworkers why their people are always trying to keep the white man down.
  • you openly discuss your menstrual cycle. If someone points out the fact that you’re a man, bring them up on sexual harassment charges.
  • you push your desk away from any direct sunlight because “it burns so bad.”
  • you wear all black and sacrifice small animals to the paper shredder gods.
  • you when in a crowded bathroom, stare directly at the person using the next urinal. If he turns to look at you, brand him a homosexual and threaten to tell his children.
  • you wear a rain bonnet because you’ve never trusted the filthy bastards that design fire sprinklers.
  • you walk up to peoples’ desks, look at pictures of their children and ask them who the hell they think they are, procreating.
  • you answer the phone, “I am the angel of the death. The hour of reckoning is upon us. How may I help you?”
  • you fall asleep at your desk. Wake up screaming, “GOOSE, I CAN’T REACH THE EJECTION HANDLE!!! EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!!”
  • you demand special treatment because you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of years of measuring fish while serving in the coast guard.
  • you enter the company day care center, look at the children and announce, “One of your parent’s was just killed in a horrible accident.” Turn around and leave.
  • turn your cubicle into a fort. Install a secret entrance and post a “Girls Have Cooties” sign.
  • ask a coworker if you can borrow their left shoe.
  • start a nasty rumor about your boss having an affair with the janitor just to see how much the story changes by the time it gets back to you.
  • during meetings, flatulate loudly, fan it toward your coworkers and ask them to guess what you had for breakfast.
  • you set up Star Wars action figures around your desk and sit around making Darth Vader breathing noises… Occasionally, you mumble something about crushing the rebellion and take out a group of action figures with a toy light saber.