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You might be a Trekkie if…

  • you’ve been to KLI.org .
  • …you created the KLI.org site .
  • …you’ve submitted corrections to KLI.org .
  • you actually know that the prime directive isn’t “to boldly go where no man has gone before” and what it actually is.
  • you know who Barkeley is and what happened to him.
  • you’re certain that the shooting star you just saw was an exploding borg cube.
  • you and any of your friends have a discussion over which is more correct “Trekkies or Trekkers.”
  • you actually saw the movie “Trekkies” in the theater.
  • …or boycotted the movie theater showing it.
  • you’ve built a life size replica of Captain Pike’s wheel chair.
  • you’ve ever pulled the legs of your hamster because you always wanted a tribble.
  • Nurse Chapel / Deanna Troi / Beverly Crusher / Dax is your Dream Woman.
  • …if you asked “which one?” to the last one.
  • …if you came name more than 10 females that I missed.
  • you know who Ashley Judd is, because of her appearance on The Next Generation.
  • you can name the bridge crew for the original series.
  • you can name the members of each bridge crew and their rank for the Next Generation series.
  • you can name the bridge crew, their rank, and their species for Voyager.
  • you know the different classes of starships.
  • you also know the top warp speed, inertial damper tolerances, and standard weaponry of each class.
  • you own a Star Fleet manual…
  • you read The Physics of Star Trek and came up with counter arguments to the mentions of General Relativity as it applies to Star Trek.
  • you’ve had more Gene Roddenberry sightings than the Enquirer has had Elvis sightings.
  • you’ve ever worn a pair of Vulcan Ears..
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    Snow Portmanteau

    The following are ways of expressing the snow hysteria (especially on Twitter):

    • snOMG
    • snowmageddon
    • snoWTF
    • ohsnowudidnt
    • snoverkill
    • snowicane
    • snopacalypse

    Added:

    • Some other snow portmanteau may be found on A Daily Portmanteau: Snowmenclature, including:  snovice, snowhere, snowonder, snowbegone, snowmad, state of snomergency, snoway, snovacaine, snoxious, snowbotomy, snooky, snowcreation, snaction…
    • From TSNONami – tSNOnami, SNOzilla, SNOlycrap, SNOtards, SNOverated, SNOverreaction, SNOverestimated, SNOthingsgonnahappen, SNOba_fett, SNObalWarming, SNOblivion, SNOproblem, SNOwayinhell, SNOtoriousBIG, SNOf__kyourself, SNOflakes, SNOcoholics, SNOtography, SNOtos.
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    You might be annoying your Facebook friends if…

    1. You standard response to any emergency is to post its occurrence as your status, then deal with the emergency.
    2. …bonus points if you solicit advice for handling the emergency via Facebook.
    3. You take every “What kind of …. are you?” quiz possible, including the “What kind of chia pet are you??” quiz.  (I’m hope that I’m making that one up.)
    4. You update statuses like a misguided Twitter addict.
    5. You spam all of your friends with app requests so that you can unlock the next level of super pokes.
    6. You keep answering 21 questions about your friends in a paranoid attempt to find out who thinks you would fart in public.
    7. You spend more time playing Farmville than most people spend awake.
    8. You insist on posting inappropriate things that your mom, who is your Facebook friend, feels compelled to respond to.
    9. You’ve friended your disgruntled exes and regularly start awkward passive-aggressive rants about them.
    10. You participate in every “post this as your status if” trend as if there was some “breaking the chain letter” curse for not doing so.
    11. “25 things about me” was way too little information about yourself, so you fill out more lists that require you to tag your friends in your troubling revelations, making them collateral damage.
    12. You rant about how stupid people are in your status, misspelling every other word.
    13. You seem to think that every one of your “friends” would be interested in joining your fringe political movement, and attempt to persuade by derision of those too meek to stand up and join you.
    14. You regularly feel compelled to post things that reveal too much information about things no one wants to know about.  (Hint:  If it came out of your body unexpectedly or happened when you were at least half-naked, the rest of us probably don’t want to know.)
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    You might be from Los Angeles if…

    This list is from the mid-90s as obvious from the third item…

    • you know it’s best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
    • getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes”.
    • EVERYONE you know owns a pager and/or cell phone.
    • you know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
    • you’ve inadvertently learned Spanish.
    • you’ve got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
    • in the “winter”, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
    • you’ve bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
    • you know what “sigalert”, “PCH”, and “the five” mean.
    • after an earthquake, everyone has a pretty good idea what it measured on the Richter scale.
    • your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
    • your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.
    • you have a gym membership because it’s mandatory.
    • your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
    • you can’t fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
    • you were housebound during the “melathion” sprayings.
    • you know people who have a ridiculous number of piercings/tattoos/guns.
    • when tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
    • you know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.
    • you’ve trespassed through private property to get to the “Hollywood” sign.
    • you’ve partied in Tijuana at least once.
    • you know Hollywood has a “lake”.
    • you don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
    • you’ve lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.
    • you’ve ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.
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    You might be making your coworkers uncomfortable if…

    (See also Grumpy Coworker)

    • you ask your black coworkers why their people are always trying to keep the white man down.
    • you openly discuss your menstrual cycle. If someone points out the fact that you’re a man, bring them up on sexual harassment charges.
    • you push your desk away from any direct sunlight because “it burns so bad.”
    • you wear all black and sacrifice small animals to the paper shredder gods.
    • you when in a crowded bathroom, stare directly at the person using the next urinal. If he turns to look at you, brand him a homosexual and threaten to tell his children.
    • you wear a rain bonnet because you’ve never trusted the filthy bastards that design fire sprinklers.
    • you walk up to peoples’ desks, look at pictures of their children and ask them who the hell they think they are, procreating.
    • you answer the phone, “I am the angel of the death. The hour of reckoning is upon us. How may I help you?”
    • you fall asleep at your desk. Wake up screaming, “GOOSE, I CAN’T REACH THE EJECTION HANDLE!!! EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!!”
    • you demand special treatment because you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of years of measuring fish while serving in the coast guard.
    • you enter the company day care center, look at the children and announce, “One of your parent’s was just killed in a horrible accident.” Turn around and leave.
    • turn your cubicle into a fort. Install a secret entrance and post a “Girls Have Cooties” sign.
    • ask a coworker if you can borrow their left shoe.
    • start a nasty rumor about your boss having an affair with the janitor just to see how much the story changes by the time it gets back to you.
    • during meetings, flatulate loudly, fan it toward your coworkers and ask them to guess what you had for breakfast.
    • you set up Star Wars action figures around your desk and sit around making Darth Vader breathing noises… Occasionally, you mumble something about crushing the rebellion and take out a group of action figures with a toy light saber.