This list is from the mid-90s as obvious from the third item…

• you know it’s best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
• getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes”.
• EVERYONE you know owns a pager and/or cell phone.
• you know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
• you’ve inadvertently learned Spanish.
• you’ve got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
• in the “winter”, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
• you’ve bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
• you know what “sigalert”, “PCH”, and “the five” mean.
• after an earthquake, everyone has a pretty good idea what it measured on the Richter scale.
• your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
• your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.
• you have a gym membership because it’s mandatory.
• your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
• you can’t fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
• you were housebound during the “melathion” sprayings.
• you know people who have a ridiculous number of piercings/tattoos/guns.
• when tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
• you know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.
• you’ve trespassed through private property to get to the “Hollywood” sign.
• you’ve partied in Tijuana at least once.
• you know Hollywood has a “lake”.
• you don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
• you’ve lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.
• you’ve ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.

• Types of Meetings Meeting before the meeting - A select group of people, usually from the same team, decide what the "correct outcome" of the main meeting is supposed to be. When the main meeting comes, the co-conspirators stick to their guns about what must be done. Meeting after the meeting - Often, the......
• You might be a New Yorker if... you know what "call you for it" or "choose you for it" means. you get scared when a stranger randomly starts up a conversation with you. you can't stand leaving the city because people everywhere else are so nice, it's annoying. you curse....a lot. you believe that if you're......
• You might be a bad driver if... you've ever offered someone inordinate sums of money for the damage because if the insurance company hears about one more accident... your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on asfault in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you. you go to leave the frat party stone......
• You might be anal-retentive if... you eat the M&Ms in color order. you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper. From Miranda: you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size. you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and......
• You might be computer illiterate if... A list from 10+ years ago... you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge. there is writing on the white-out on your screen -you can't figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means :-) someone asks you how to......
• You might be a Trekkie if... you've been to KLI.org . ...you created the KLI.org site . ...you've submitted corrections to KLI.org . you actually know that the prime directive isn't "to boldly go where no man has gone before" and what it actually is. you know who Barkeley is and what happened to him. you're......

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(See also Grumpy Coworker)

• you ask your black coworkers why their people are always trying to keep the white man down.
• you openly discuss your menstrual cycle. If someone points out the fact that you’re a man, bring them up on sexual harassment charges.
• you push your desk away from any direct sunlight because “it burns so bad.”
• you wear all black and sacrifice small animals to the paper shredder gods.
• you when in a crowded bathroom, stare directly at the person using the next urinal. If he turns to look at you, brand him a homosexual and threaten to tell his children.
• you wear a rain bonnet because you’ve never trusted the filthy bastards that design fire sprinklers.
• you walk up to peoples’ desks, look at pictures of their children and ask them who the hell they think they are, procreating.
• you answer the phone, “I am the angel of the death. The hour of reckoning is upon us. How may I help you?”
• you fall asleep at your desk. Wake up screaming, “GOOSE, I CAN’T REACH THE EJECTION HANDLE!!! EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!!”
• you demand special treatment because you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of years of measuring fish while serving in the coast guard.
• you enter the company day care center, look at the children and announce, “One of your parent’s was just killed in a horrible accident.” Turn around and leave.
• turn your cubicle into a fort. Install a secret entrance and post a “Girls Have Cooties” sign.
• ask a coworker if you can borrow their left shoe.
• start a nasty rumor about your boss having an affair with the janitor just to see how much the story changes by the time it gets back to you.
• during meetings, flatulate loudly, fan it toward your coworkers and ask them to guess what you had for breakfast.
• you set up Star Wars action figures around your desk and sit around making Darth Vader breathing noises… Occasionally, you mumble something about crushing the rebellion and take out a group of action figures with a toy light saber.

• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......
• You might be an Animaniacs fan if... you've tried to outdo Yakko's singing of the dictionary by singing the Encylopedia. (Lynxan) you've suspected that your successful friend might be a chicken. (Lynxan) you yell "potty emergency" every time you need to go. ( Deena ) you can sing the words to Wakko's "America"... ...or Yahoo's "World".........
• You might be annoying your Facebook friends if... You standard response to any emergency is to post its occurrence as your status, then deal with the emergency. ...bonus points if you solicit advice for handling the emergency via Facebook. You take every "What kind of .... are you?" quiz possible, including the "What kind of chia pet......
• You might be computer illiterate if... A list from 10+ years ago... you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge. there is writing on the white-out on your screen -you can't figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means :-) someone asks you how to......
• You might be from Los Angeles if... This list is from the mid-90s as obvious from the third item... you know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm. getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes". EVERYONE you know owns a pager and/or cell......
• You might be a Trekkie if... you've been to KLI.org . ...you created the KLI.org site . ...you've submitted corrections to KLI.org . you actually know that the prime directive isn't "to boldly go where no man has gone before" and what it actually is. you know who Barkeley is and what happened to him. you're......

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• everytime you want to change the subject you say “and now for something completely different”
• you named your website Weasels and Spit
• when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you’ve been doing you’ve ever replied “I just spent four hours buryin’ the cat” (and enjoyed the strange look you got)
• you have ever responded to someone asking where something is by saying “Is it behind the rabbit?”
• your birthday/Christmas wish list has “a holy hand granade” as your number one wish.
• all of your comebacks/insults are in an “outrageous accent.”
• somebody wishes to move past you (vehicle, etc.) you quote the bridge scene.
• when someone asks your name you say “(in a thundering voice) Some people call me. . . (quieter) [your name here].
• if you find yourself saying “NI” to people that you don’t like
• you have a perfect cockney accent… and you’ve never been to England
• you find yourself saying “tis only a scratch” when you are bleeding to death and laughing about it through the pain
• you have all the CD’s with songs on them, and people catch you singing them to yourself.
• you watched “As Good As It Gets” and snickered when Jack Nicholson played “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” not because of the irony of it all, but because you remember the song from “Life of Brian.”

• Random thoughts Yet another e-mail forward: I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
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• You might be a teacher if... you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way they are," after meeting the parents. you've ever said "Put that gum on your nose!" ...outside of the classroom. you can't have children because there is no name you can think......
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• you don’t see a problem with spaghetti [with sauce], white rice, and fried chicken on the same plate.
• you take brownies to non-Filipino potluck dinners.
• you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale.
• you say kutex instead of nail polish.
• you are stumped when asked what kind of bread in a deli.
• you’re the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage.
• you scratch your head when you don’t know what you’re doing.
• you don’t want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others.
• you say “she” when you should say “he”
• you say “ano” this and “ano” that
• you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people
• you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/…
• you have a big Buddha at home for good luck( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him).
• you bring a “baon” to work everyday.
• your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it.
• you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up.
• you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays.
• you say things sorta backwards like towelpaper instead of papertowel and stick bread instead of breadsticks.
• you say guper instead of gopher.
• you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
• you say “aray” instead of “ouch “.
• you look up and say “ha!” when somebody says “what’s up”.
• you write “Filipino” but pronounce it as “Pilipino”.
• you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely.
• you often say ‘Bulaga!’ when you want to scare someone.
• you fire your gun like crazy on new year’s eve
• you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back.
• you preceed anything pluralized with “mga.”
• you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain “who farted.”
• you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets.
• you have toyo circles on your table cloths.
• you wash and reuse disposable styrofoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (Reynolds wrap) or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it.
• you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners.

Also:

• your house smells like mothballs [I think we switched to cedar, but still, the mothball smell remains.]

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• You might be a Broadway musical lover if... You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can't help, but to sing the rest of the song. You know all the dance steps. You do all the Dance steps. and sing, You don't care who......
• You might be a beer snob if... you refer to popular American beers as "swill". you frequent any brewpub that has a disclaimer that they will ask you to leave if you order a light beer. you frequent any brewpub that does not serve beer other than its own in-house brew. you prefer home brew to......
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