YouMightBe.com’s humor lists

You might be Irish if…

–There are a statue of the Blessed Virgin AND a Celtic cross AND a leprechaun in your garden.
–At least one brother and more than one male cousin have Patrick as a first or a middle name, or at least one sister and more than one female cousin has Mary as a first or a middle name.
–You don’t know anyone who went to Notre Dame, but you root for them every college football season.
–You don’t see what the big deal is about drinking green beer on St. Patrick’s Day.
–You regularly quote lines from “The Quiet Man” and “Waking Ned Devine”.
–You feel a pang of guilt every time you wear orange.
–You know what “Up the Republic!” means.
–You have a welcome mat and/or bumper sticker that says something in Gaelic, and you don’t speak a word of the language.
–You know the right way to pour a “Black and Tan” (half Guinness, half Harp).
–You know why it’s inappropriate to call it a “Black and Tan”.
–You don’t go out on St. Patrick’s Day because “It’s amateurs night.”
–Or you skip work on St. Patrick’s Day to go to a parade and drink in your favorite pub.
–It was a family scandal when one of your siblings/cousins married an Episcopalian.
–If something funny happens to you, it takes you twice as long to tell the story as the event actually was.
–The summer is not complete if you don’t attend at least one Celtic Heritage Festival.
–Anytime you hear bagpipes, you say, “The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes, but they never taught them how to play.”

You might be from Illinois if:
-you see pizza from other places and wonder why the sauce isn’t on top
-you have a fully developed ‘Chicago Walk’
-you aren’t surprised when your weekend activites include drinking with your friends in just a number of various locations
-you know how to play ‘Pididle’ and know it isn’t a good idea
-you know that Illinois is basically Chicago with a giant farm attached to it
-you yell at people who pronounce the ‘S’
-you think that there are only two seasons
-you and your friends take road trips to the Spam Museum
-you know that you only get on the interstate if you are going to the city, the airports, or out of state

If operating systems ran your brain

Windows for brains:
———
You  think about one of any number of things at anyone time  but
only for a short amount of time because then your mind goes blank
as  you  encounter a “general  protection fault” and  as  a  last
resort you have to re-boot your brain.

DOS for brains:
—–
You  only  think of one thing at one time,  and  can’t  remember
anything else you were meant to be thinking about. You think only
in words and never any pictures.

Unix for brains:
——
Wow - you  can think of lots of things all at  once  until  your
brain  runs out of sockets. You can only talk though with  people
who  have brains made by the same vendor. Unfortunately you  also
never  make  any sense and have to read manuals to learn  how  to
think. Predominantly a random thinker.

CP/M for brains:
——
A  very slow and old fashioned thinker. Any thing  you  remember
has to be less than 3 letters long.

MVS/CICS for brains:

You  have  a very big and expensive brain. You can  think  about
many  things  at the one time but never now what other  parts  of
your  brain are thinking unless you  have set up  SNA  connections
between sections of your brains. You also need an army of  system
programmers to define what thoughts you may and may not have.

OS/2 for brains:
——
You  can  think  about  lots of things  at  once  but  need  the
equivalent of eighteen sets of encyclopaedias in memory to produce
any  rational thought. No-one supports your way of  thinking  and
many laugh at you whenever you speak.

Mac for brains:
—–
Simple  thoughts  for simple people. Thinking that  looks  good,
feels good but is expensive.

Pick for brains:
——
I now narthing. Narthing Mr Fawlty.

AmigaOS for brains:

You  can think of lots of things at once, even with a very  small
memory.  The  trouble is that, sometimes, one thought  starts  to
think about the things another thought was using. This leads to a
compelling  need  to wrap a teatowel around your  head  and  sit,
crosslegged, on the floor.

Linux for Brains:
——-
You can think of any number of things and not run out of sockets.
Unfortunately,  there  is no support for your  particular  limbs,
ears, mouth or …. thingy…. available yet so you are reluctant
to change over at this stage.

If Operating Systems were Airlines

DOS AIR: All the passengers go out onto the runway,
grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in
the air, hop on, and jump off when it hits the
ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push
it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.

WINDOWS AIRLINES: The terminal is very neat and
clean, the attendants are all very attractive and
the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your
jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the
clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without
warning.

MAC AIRWAYS: Tickets are expensive. The cashiers,
flight attendants, and pilots all look the same,
feel the same and act the same. When asked
questions about the flight they reply that you
don’t want to know, don’t need to know, and would
you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

LINUX EXPRESS: Each passenger brings a piece of the
airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They
gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they want to build and how to put it
together. Eventually, they build several different
aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some
passengers actually reach their destinations. All
passengers believe they got there.