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- you are from a town that has nearly as many churches and bars as houses.
- you bought a case of beer in one of those little towns when you were 16.
- you live in a beautiful old house with transparent plastic sheeting over the stom windows.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
- “Vacation” means driving through the Amanas, going to Adventureland or Okoboji.
- You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
- Snow tires are standard on your car.
- You “go into town”
- You have no concept of public transportation.
- The only reason you go to Missouri is for fireworks
- You wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees.
- You have gone trick-or-treating in 2 feet of snow.
- You “warsh” your clothes.
- State Wresting was a big deal at your high school
- You measure distance in minutes
- The nearest Gap and Ann Taylor are at least 90 minutes away
- Down south to you means Missouri
- You know several people who have hit a deer
- You were allowed to get a “school permit” to drive at age 14 if you lived more than a mile from school
- You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Moines”
- You could play “Iowa Bingo” with county road names when traveling from town to town (C65, D15, P36, N19, etc.)
- You know the answer to the question, “Is this Heaven?”
- Your school classes were canceled because of cold
- Your school classes were canceled because of heat
- You know what “Hawks” and “Clones” are.
- You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way
- You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day
- You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July
- Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks
- You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
- You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
- You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:”Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”
- All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
- Detassling was your first job
- You’ve ever been on a “Geode Hunt”
- Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
- You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner
- You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
- You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
- You drink “pop.”
- When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, “It was different.”
- Going to Target is your idea of FUN
- Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up.
- You consider being called a “Pork Queen” an honor.
- People from other states love to hear you say “Iowa” and other words with “Os” in them.
- You carry jumper cables in your car.
- You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
- You know what “cow tipping” is
