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The Degrees of Happy Birthday

Inspired by:

There are varying degrees of actually caring to greet someone “Happy Birthday”, from lowest to highest:

  1. Facebook: Liking birthday celebrant’s “Thanks for all the birthday wishes”
  2. Facebook: Liking someone else’s birthday greeting.
  3. Facebook wall post: “HBD”
  4. Facebook wall post: “Happy B-day” or other partial abbreviation.
  5. Facebook wall post: “Happy Birthday” (bonus for exclamation points)
  6. Facebook status on your own page: “Happy Birthday {mention person’s name}” (or Twitter public mention)
  7. Text message.
  8. Sending an actual physical card.
  9. Calling the person in real life.

(Numbers 7-9 may vary in order depending on the introverted nature of the person performing the greeting.)

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“Shit Happens” from a Social Media Perspective

In the style of the Shit Happens list:

Foursquare:

  • I am mayor of this toilet.

Twitter:

  • That Mexican food hit me wrong. (Someone who is keen on maintaining their “personal brand”)
  • I need to shit. (Everyone else)

Facebook:

  • The inside joke type:  “The Nope strikes again.” [where your inside crowd nickname for a Mexican place goes in the bold italics.]
    • 3 people “Like” this shit.
  • The vague, but obvious reference:  “Glade Floral Scent rocks.”
  • No apologies: “I Shit”

Tumblr:

  • Whoa…  somebody didn’t flush their shit.  Hey, everybody, check this shit out!

StumbleUpon:

  • Post your toilet and have random people shit in it.

Digg:

  • You:  This shit is awesome.  Others:  I’m going to bury your shit.

LinkedIn:

  • Excellent at making sure I flush my shit.

Quora:

  • Why is there corn in my shit?

See also:

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Snow Portmanteau

The following are ways of expressing the snow hysteria (especially on Twitter):

  • snOMG
  • snowmageddon
  • snoWTF
  • ohsnowudidnt
  • snoverkill
  • snowicane
  • snopacalypse

Added:

  • Some other snow portmanteau may be found on A Daily Portmanteau: Snowmenclature, including:  snovice, snowhere, snowonder, snowbegone, snowmad, state of snomergency, snoway, snovacaine, snoxious, snowbotomy, snooky, snowcreation, snaction…
  • From TSNONami – tSNOnami, SNOzilla, SNOlycrap, SNOtards, SNOverated, SNOverreaction, SNOverestimated, SNOthingsgonnahappen, SNOba_fett, SNObalWarming, SNOblivion, SNOproblem, SNOwayinhell, SNOtoriousBIG, SNOf__kyourself, SNOflakes, SNOcoholics, SNOtography, SNOtos.
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You might be a Twitter Spammer if…

(Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username – e..g., “d spam @spammer”)

  • You @-reply people you don’t follow with links.
  • You still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn’t yet)
  • You have been suspended on a regular basis: “Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here.”
  • You have one update, yet you add 100 people to your follow list every day.
  • You repeat your same tweet w/ blog post several times a day, and freely admit that it wasn’t a technical glitch on the part of your Twitter client.
  • Shamwow
  • Your followers count is in the single digits, but you’re following 100-1000 people.
  • Your URL goes to a horribly ugly site with black and red bold sans-serif text, sporadic yellow highlights, occasional ALL CAPS and exclamation POINTS on a white background!!!
  • You URL has a video of you pulling $2,000 cash.
  • You are following nor followed by anyone, and regularly send @reply messages advertising your product.
  • You follow people at random and drop them as soon as they’re following you.
  • You have a “system” for making lots of money.
  • Automatic direct messages with links to new followers.
  • “Be-a-magpie”
  • Your “name” associated with your Twitter ID consists of a 6-letter combo of the letters a-s-d-f.
  • All @replies.
  • No status updates.
  • No profile, url, default background…
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You might be addicted to Twitter if…

  1. There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so.
  2. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life)
  3. People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned on.
  4. You can name more than 5 URL shorteners (and TinyURL is not one of them).
  5. You have written your own script or program to retrieve tweets.
  6. You see nothing wrong with divulging intimate details of your daily life to 100 or more complete strangers.
  7. You actively check friendorfollow to see who isn’t following you back.
  8. You qualify every sentence with at least one ‘#’.
  9. “It’s complicated,” means that you need 141 characters to tell the story–even after shortening everything to txt abbreviations.
  10. You subscribe to news outlets and blogs that feed to Twitter because using an RSS reader is just too much work.
  11. You have linked rememberthemilk, Google calendar, etc. to your Twitter account.
  12. You check Twitter in more than 3 ways in the span of an hour (txt, m.twitter.com, Tweetdeck, website…)
  13. You see an unfamiliar “from …” Twitter application or service on someone’s tweet and stop everything to check out that application.
  14. You are obsessed with maintaining your Twitter grade or TwitterRank.
  15. You take Tweetwasters as a personal challenge.
  16. You make a point to say good morning and good night to all of your followers.
  17. Most of your nouns begin with “tw” (i.e., tweeple)
  18. You tweet from the jacuzzi (from @cheapwebmonkey)
  19. You tweet while cleaning the toilets (from @runkerrierun and @runnergoslow)

More lists: