- A coworker starts talking about breeding puppies and icicles form in the air between you.
- You can’t remember the last time you went looking for a dog to adopt, all of your dogs are “foster fails”.
- If sanity and/or your spouse hadn’t prevented you from it, you’d have adopted all but one of the dogs you’ve rescued/fostered.
- The one dog you wouldn’t have adopted would have been because you have your limits.
- You own more dog crates than dogs.
- You are long over your fascination with Cesar Millan and now question the suitability of his methods.
- Other people see a “dangerous pit bull”, but you see a giant teddy bear of a dog.
A Dog Rescue’s Answering Machine
Press 1* if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.
Press 2* if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog.
Press 3* if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time.
Press 4* if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 5* if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 6* if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick up the dog you no longer want.
Press 7* if you have been feeding and caring for a “stray” for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it’s not your dog.
Press 8* if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation.
Press 9* if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.
Press 10* if your relative has died and you don’t want to care for their elderly dog because it doesn’t fit your lifestyle.
Press 11* if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
Press 12* to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than just leaving the dog with no message.
Press 13* if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.
Press 14* if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be euthanized because I won’t take it.
Press 15* if you’re going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 16* if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred dogs that we have an abundance of.
Press 17* if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor’s cats.
Press 18* if you have already called once and been told we don’t take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different answer.
Press 19* if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 20* if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
Press 21* if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 22* if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we can’t spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.
Press 23* if you’re lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 24* if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat’s behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 25* if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven’t gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 26* if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 27* if you have done “everything” to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you don’t want to crate the dog because it is cruel.
Press 28* if you didn’t listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and you are angry because no one called you back.
Press 29* if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter’s birthday and you forgot when she was born.
Press 30* if your dog’s coat doesn’t match your new furniture and you need a different color or breed.
Press 31* if your new love doesn’t like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the dog.
Press 32* if it is Christmas Eve, & the Shih Tzu that you got 7 months ago because your 8 yr old and your 11 yr old PROMISED to take care of it isn’t working out and you are going to teach them a lesson by making them walk the dog up to the rescuer’s door to give it up. Merry Christmas, kids!
Press 33* if you went through all these ‘options’ and didn’t hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family.
~Author Unknown~
You might be a dog lover if…
- your bedroom door has a doggie door. ( Lisa C. )
- your dog owns more clothing and toys than your neighbor’s children.
- you have more pictures of your dog than of any other family member including yourself.
- you allow your dog to join you in the bath but not your significant other.
- you don’t mind sharing your pillow with your dog.
- you share your popsicles with the dog.
- you decide you might have kids so the dog will have playmates.
- …then you think better of it and just get more dogs.
- your entire Christmas wish list is full of stuff for the dog or stuff for you and the dog.
- you won’t visit your family if the dog can’t go too.
- you spend all your free time (after playing with the dog, etc…) online at dog related sites.
- …and you’re on many dog related e-mail lists.
- you care more about getting your dog’s supper ready on time than your spouse’s.
- you use the term potty in place of other urination terms. (Toast)
- you don’t yell at your significant other after staying out all night because it might upset your dog.
- you make your significant other sleep on the couch because there isn’t enough room for the three of you.
- holiday groceries are bought depending on the number of CANINE guest are expected, in addition to the rest of the family.
- you refer to your dogs as your 4-legged children. (Rose)
- you and your spouse constantly argue about which one of you the dog looks more like. (Big Al Your Radio Pal)
- your dog is in your family photo. (Big Al Your Radio Pal)
- …for the church directory.
- you go buy a king sized bed so there is enough room for pooch to sleep comfortably too. (Visitor Submission)
- you tell your chat partner to hold on while you play tug-of-war with your dog.
- you tell your relatives you aren’t coming unless the dogs are invited, too.
- you get your dog a pet cat.
- when shopping for a new car, your first requirement is that your dog can easily get into & out of the vehicle & she has her own window. (Donna)
- when house hunting, you only look at houses with BIG fenced in yards so your 100 lb “baby” has somewhere to play. (Donna)
- when you don’t think it’s the least bit strange to stand outside at 4:04AM chirping “Pee Maggie…Pee for mommy”, while Maggie tends to play and forget why she’s out there. You can give 2 !@#$s what the neighbors think.
- your spouse has to make the dogs move over so they can get into bed. (Ed Ward)
- whenever your dog barks, you say, “uh-oh — Gotta run — My dog wants her supper and belly rub now.” (Keith S.)
- you share ice cream cones with your dog. (Vicki Marty)
- your dog eats cat *poop*, but you still let her kiss you. (Rebecca)