You might be Filipino if…

  • you don’t see a problem with spaghetti [with sauce], white rice, and fried chicken on the same plate.
  • you take brownies to non-Filipino potluck dinners.
  • you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale.
  • you say kutex instead of nail polish.
  • you are stumped when asked what kind of bread in a deli.
  • you’re the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage.
  • you scratch your head when you don’t know what you’re doing.
  • you don’t want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others.
  • you say “she” when you should say “he”
  • you say “ano” this and “ano” that
  • you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people
  • you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/…
  • you have a big Buddha at home for good luck( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him).
  • you bring a “baon” to work everyday.
  • your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it.
  • you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up.
  • you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays.
  • you say things sorta backwards like towelpaper instead of papertowel and stick bread instead of breadsticks.
  • you say guper instead of gopher.
  • you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
  • you say “aray” instead of “ouch “.
  • you look up and say “ha!” when somebody says “what’s up”.
  • you write “Filipino” but pronounce it as “Pilipino”.
  • you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely.
  • you often say ‘Bulaga!’ when you want to scare someone.
  • you fire your gun like crazy on new year’s eve
  • you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back.
  • you preceed anything pluralized with “mga.”
  • you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain “who farted.”
  • you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets.
  • you have toyo circles on your table cloths.
  • you wash and reuse disposable styrofoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (Reynolds wrap) or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it.
  • you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners.

Also:

  • your house smells like mothballs [I think we switched to cedar, but still, the mothball smell remains.]

You might be computer illiterate if…

A list from 10+ years ago…

  • you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge.
  • there is writing on the white-out on your screen
  • -you can’t figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means 🙂
  • someone asks you how to cut and paste, you say “just use scissors and glue.”
  • you try to squash your disk to compress files in it.
  • you scream “Bloody hell! What have i done wrong THIS time, you ***** computer?” every time your computer spits out “error”.
  • you own your computer only 5 minutes before you crash it. (Lisa)
  • you try to find a game and can’t, and you hit the monitor and scream, “Why won’t you work?!?” (Lisa)
  • when the screen saver comes on you’re almost positive that your computer really did crash this time.
  • if there is white out on your computer screen. (Visitor submission)
  • if you don’t use Windows because you religiously don’t believe in icons. (Dave Tibbs)
  • you wonder who General Protection Fault is and what the hell the army wants from you.
  • the only reason you hang out with that *geek* next door is because he will fix your computer for free (Amy R.).
  • you think your mouse is a foot pedal (Jason)
  • you own a Macintosh (Visitor Submission: Doc Holiday) (please don’t flame me on this one.)
  • you think the computer from which virus came actually created the virus (it’s all a conspiracy).
  • you think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
  • you think the “escape” key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.
  • you don’t know where the “any” key is.
  • you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
  • you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
  • you use AOL disks as coasters.  (Also a sign that you’re a computer geek.)
  • you’ve used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
  • you think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
  • you think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
  • you’ve ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
  • you’ve ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
  • you went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies…
  • …and you really needed it.
  • you think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to. (Geeks have this problem too.)
  • Someone gives you a 5-1/4″ Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2″ Drive and wonder why the drive doesn’t work. (Michael M.)
  • You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an “Illegal Operation” error on your computer screen. (Jay)

You might be a teacher if…

  • you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the way they are,” after meeting the parents.
  • you’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!”
  • …outside of the classroom.
  • you can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.
  • you believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on report cards.
  • you think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.
  • you hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.
  • your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.
  • you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
  • you correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
  • when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
  • you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
  • your correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
  • when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
  • any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.
  • you think it’s normal to go through four years of college to earn a salary that’s below the poverty line.
  • you send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public…
  • … and they go.
  • you cringe whenever someone says, “At least you give three months vacation.”
  • …or “I would love to get off work at 3.”
  • (most) people allow you to tell their child what to do.

You might be from Wisconsin if…

This is an old submission from around 10 years ago or more…
  • you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week.
  • you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  • you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
  • you refer to the Packers as “we.”
  • your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
  • snow tires come standard on all your cars.
  • you know what cowtipping is.
  • traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
  • you know what a bubbler is.
  • a brat is something you eat.
  • you only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
  • you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
  • your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightshirt.
  • you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
  • you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
  • you consider Madison exotic.
  • you don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
  • you were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
  • you go out for fish fry every Friday.
  • you know what to do with a Blatz.
  • you can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
  • you know how to polka.
  • you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
  • at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  • you know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.
  • you can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.
  • you’ve seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
  • the local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports. you drink soda and refer to your dad as “pop.”
  • formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
  • your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  • you find 0 degrees a little chilly.
  • you actually understand these jokes.
  • you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.
  • “Down South” to you means Chicago…
  • your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar…
  • at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm…
  • you can identify a Michigan accent…
  • you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike…
  • traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee…
  • the “Big Three” means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR
  • you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday…
  • the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do…
  • your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce…
  • you think there should be a “FIB go home” bumper sticker on every car north of Madison…
  • a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer…
  • you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts…
  • when you tell someone where you are from and they say: ‘I thought that was part of Canada…
  • your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July…
  • you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions…..
  • every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.
  • FFA was the most popular club in high school. (That’s Future Farmers of America to the rest of you.)
  • you have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.
  • the town you grew up in had a bar called Ma’s Place.
  • cheese is an important staple in your diet.
  • there was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning…phew!
  • you have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.
  • you know how to pronounce “brat”.
  • you loved it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer.
  • Sunday morning at church involves lots of coffee, JellO molds and danish.
  • Country Kitchen was the place to meet after the party. (or Perkins )
  • you know someone who can use “ja, der hey” in a sentence.
  • your school lost half their student body during deer season.
  • at every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
  • you ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.
  • you know it’s traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
  • you own at least one cheese head.
  • Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game!
  • you have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.
  • you have been to at least one house party on Johnson Street in Madison.
  • you get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it “Wesconsin”.
  • your high school class went to the Pabst Theater to see “A Christmas Carol”.
  • you thought everyone drank from “bubblers”.
  • you went to the local tavern on Friday night for Fish Fry.
  • you have drank “white soda” (ie 7Up, Sprite, etc).
  • you have experienced snow storms in April.
  • you have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.
  • you know what a “flatlander” is and you know all the “why Wisconsin is better than Illinois” jokes.
  • you get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play “On Wisconsin”.
  • you believe that Badgers will always beat Gophers.
  • The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are.
  • you have been to a “BoDeans” concert.
  • you have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana,German Fest, Irish Fest or all of the above.
  • you or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.
  • you have gone out of your way to eat ice cream at Gilles’ or Kopp’s.
  • Goodyear Tire on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas
  • driving is better in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow
  • sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
  • the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  • you head south to go to your cottage.
  • the trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.
  • you play hockey outdoors 10 months a year.
  • you can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.
  • you were offended by the movie Fargo.
  • your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers .
  • you’ve seen a hodag.
  • you know that Gotham is a real city.
  • your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
  • Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive in a giant beer mug.
  • you tried to tap the Worlds Largest Six Pack.
  • you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
  • you have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
  • you define swimming season as Labor Day weekend..
  • you know where the city of Waunakee is AND can pronounce it
  • you have more fishing poles than teeth.
  • you’ve taken your kids trickortreating in a blizzard
  • you know which leaves make good toilet paper
  • your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus
  • you define Summer as three months of bad sledding…
  • you got a passport to go to Minnesota…
  • you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend…
  • your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
  • you can identify an Illinois accent.
  • you know where Oconomowoc is AND can pronounce and spell it.

A couple other places I found:

You might be a beer snob if…

  • you refer to popular American beers as “swill”.
  • you frequent any brewpub that has a disclaimer that they will ask you to leave if you order a light beer.
  • you frequent any brewpub that does not serve beer other than its own in-house brew.
  • you prefer home brew to mass-produced beer.
  • …even bad home brew.
  • you treat light beer drinkers the same as fruity martini drinkers.
  • you know the IBUs of your beers.
  • you’ve written reviews of beers on beer rating sites.
  • you know the definition of “ale”, “lager”, “stout”, “doppelbock”, etc…
  • you’ve ever uttered the word “hoppy”.
  • “Beer is Food” doesn’t make you an alcoholic.
  • you know beers by their country of origin.
  • you are disturbed when you notice foreign beers that are served in ethnic restaurants that don’t match the country of origin.  [Sapporo in Thai restaurants, Singha in Indian…]

You might be a coffee snob if…

-you heat the coffee mug before pouring your coffee
-you brew your own coffee at work
-…from fresh ground whole beans
-…stored in a climate and humidity-controlled environment
-…in your own coffee maker
-you refuse to patronize Starbucks since they simplified their daytime brew offering.
-…and you know the name of this blend (Pike Place)
-“fair trade” and “local” refer to flavor more than principles.
-your average cup of brewed coffee costs you more than the average person pays for three pounds of coffee.
-rim staining foam.
-you shudder when you hear someone say “expresso”
-your coffee is roasted in smaller batches than the average grocery store has on their shelves at any given time.
-you have two blade grinders as emergency backup for your burr grinder.
-you have ever used a thermometer when making your coffee.
-you have brewed coffee using methods from more countries than you’ve actually been to. (Turkish, Cuban, French Press, Vietnamese Press…)

You might be a New Yorker if…

  • you know what “call you for it” or “choose you for it” means.
  • you get scared when a stranger randomly starts up a conversation with you.
  • you can’t stand leaving the city because people everywhere else are so nice, it’s annoying.
  • you curse….a lot.
  • you believe that if you’re not from the 5 boroughs, you’re not really from New York.
  • you never call it Manhattan, you call it “the city”.
  • you love, not like, Billy Joel’s music (and you know all of the words).
  • you leave and miss it…but when you’re there, it sucks.
  • you’ve actually eaten a “dirty water dog” and pronounce it dawg, not dog
  • you know what a squeegee guy is.
  • police sirens don’t effect you anymore.
  • you show your middle finger at least five times a day.
  • the word off comes out sounding like awff… instead of Parking the car…..You pock the caw. (visitor submission)
  • you can drive your car in rush hour while applying make-up, shifting gears, talking on a cell phone, honking the horn, and flipping someone off all at the same time.
  • you really don’t get what a “Big New Yorker” or “Brooklyn-style” pizza is.

You might be from Boston if…

  • you drink tonic.
  • you know what a bubbler is.
  • your family will disown you if you’re a Yankees fan.
  • you think there’s no life west of 495.
  • you know they’re called rotaries, not roundabouts or circles.
  • you’re considered among the worst drivers in the country.
  • you think 1-way streets are common everywhere.
  • you know what a “buckner” is.
  • there’s only 25 letters in the alphabet in your speech.
  • you know what the Big Dig is.
  • you knew Great Woods and the Garden.
  • the words “Southie” and “Eastie” have some meaning to you.
  • you know what the Beanpot is.
  • you know what nationality predominates in the North End and Eastie.
  • you consider Worcester and Springfield “cow pastures.”
  • you know what the Central Artery is.
  • you have to dial the area code just to call across the street.
  • it doesn’t surprise you to see someone talking on their cell while drinking a coffee and driving with their knees.
  • you can’t go more than a few blocks without hearing a horn beeped.
  • it’s tough to break 40 due to the city traffic but you do it anyway.
  • you know what the Monster is.

You might be a dog lover if…

  • your bedroom door has a doggie door. ( Lisa C. )
  • your dog owns more clothing and toys than your neighbor’s children.
  • you have more pictures of your dog than of any other family member including yourself.
  • you allow your dog to join you in the bath but not your significant other.
  • you don’t mind sharing your pillow with your dog.
  • you share your popsicles with the dog.
  • you decide you might have kids so the dog will have playmates.
  • …then you think better of it and just get more dogs.
  • your entire Christmas wish list is full of stuff for the dog or stuff for you and the dog.
  • you won’t visit your family if the dog can’t go too.
  • you spend all your free time (after playing with the dog, etc…) online at dog related sites.
  • …and you’re on many dog related e-mail lists.
  • you care more about getting your dog’s supper ready on time than your spouse’s.
  • you use the term potty in place of other urination terms. (Toast)
  • you don’t yell at your significant other after staying out all night because it might upset your dog.
  • you make your significant other sleep on the couch because there isn’t enough room for the three of you.
  • holiday groceries are bought depending on the number of CANINE guest are expected, in addition to the rest of the family.
  • you refer to your dogs as your 4-legged children. (Rose)
  • you and your spouse constantly argue about which one of you the dog looks more like. (Big Al Your Radio Pal)
  • your dog is in your family photo. (Big Al Your Radio Pal)
  • …for the church directory.
  • you go buy a king sized bed so there is enough room for pooch to sleep comfortably too. (Visitor Submission)
  • you tell your chat partner to hold on while you play tug-of-war with your dog.
  • you tell your relatives you aren’t coming unless the dogs are invited, too.
  • you get your dog a pet cat.
  • when shopping for a new car, your first requirement is that your dog can easily get into & out of the vehicle & she has her own window. (Donna)
  • when house hunting, you only look at houses with BIG fenced in yards so your 100 lb “baby” has somewhere to play. (Donna)
  • when you don’t think it’s the least bit strange to stand outside at 4:04AM chirping “Pee Maggie…Pee for mommy”, while Maggie tends to play and forget why she’s out there. You can give 2 !@#$s what the neighbors think.
  • your spouse has to make the dogs move over so they can get into bed. (Ed Ward)
  • whenever your dog barks, you say, “uh-oh — Gotta run — My dog wants her supper and belly rub now.” (Keith S.)
  • you share ice cream cones with your dog. (Vicki Marty)
  • your dog eats cat *poop*, but you still let her kiss you. (Rebecca)

You might be a cat lover if…

  • your cat has a Twitter account.
  • …and tweets more often than you.
  • …and you @mention your cat in your own tweets.
  • you cut your after-work activities short just so you can get home to see your cat.
  • you dare not move a muscle when kitty falls asleep at your feet, even if you need to get up and pee.
  • you sleep in the oddest positions, just so you can accommodate your cat, even if he/she chooses to plonk itself in the middle of your bed.
  • sleeping with your cat and getting stray particles of kitty litter from your cat’s claws in your bed doesn’t bother you.
  • you take your cat’s name as your online name.
  • you have your cigarettes outside regardless of snow or rain because your cats disdainfully wrinkle their adorable little noses when they smell smoke.
  • when you’re telling a friend about having to take the cat to the V-E-T, you whisper and your eyes dart furtively around the room to make sure your kitty isn’t within earshot.
  • you cried more than the cat did the day you dropped him at the vet’s to be neutered.
  • you feel naked if your clothes aren’t covered in cat hair. (the Mad Cybrarian)
  • if you own more than one cat and can tell which cat threw up just by looking at the pile. (kecia)
  • From Fluffy
  • people say “what a lovely Angora sweater!” and you say “What Sweater?”
  • the grocery consists of cat food, cat treats, cat toys, and mice.
  • you know all the ingredients in meow mix by heart.
  • you plan your schedule around your cat.
  • you don’t care which part of her body Kitty may have licked before kissing you on the lips! (Bonita)
  • you nuzzle your sweetheart by rubbing your forehead on her.
  • you still kiss your boyfriend after he lets kitty drink the milk while he eats the cereal.
  • you feed them Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner on the good china.
  • your dog coughs up cat hairballs.
  • you take your cat everywhere with you and leave the car on so fluffy can get some a/c and so she can listen to the radio.
  • you take your cat everywhere because you, I mean she have separation anxiety.
  • you yell at Snookums for talking too much. ( katy )
  • you apologize for yellin’ at your darlin’ and tell her you didn’t mean it and tell her she can scream if she wants.
  • when you are done crying you go get a towel to dry the tears off of her fur to make her happy.
  • when someone else yells at your cat for being bad, you say, “Be nice… she’s only human.”
  • your way of punishing you cat for bad behavior is a “Time Out” in the bathroom after explaining that she has been a very bad kitty for tearing up your stuff. ( Lisa )
  • when your cat scratches the heck out of you and your family, you say, “It’s just a phase she’s going through.” (Lisa)
  • when your cat rips off the wallpaper, you take her to a cat pscyhotherapist to discover what is upsetting her and causing her disruptive behavior. (Lisa)
  • you have full conversations with your cats and you think it’s normal.
  • you think that they understand you and communicate back.
  • you have more cat toys than clothes.
  • when you wear black people think that you’re shedding.
  • you get a fish tank and fish as pets for your cat. (Kristy)
  • you take more pictures of your cat then you do of your children. (Susie)
  • you call home during your honeymoon and ask if the children have fed the cat and where is he sleeping and don’t ask if the children are okay. (Susie)
  • your cat eats the most expensive cat food available, but you subsist on macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles (Carrie, ccoleman@sageus.com)
  • you refer to your parents as “Grandma” and “Grandpa”, but you have no children. (Carrie)
  • you force everyone who phones your house to listen to Snookums meow into the receiver. ( Zoe, zobrien@rocketmail.com )
  • your cat has more names than you do. ( Zoe )
  • you spend a date telling your date all about your cats and not one thing about yourself. ( Zoe )
  • each one of your cats gets spoken to in their own individual “special voice”. ( Zoe )
  • you call your own answering machine just so that the cats can hear your voice. (Visitor Submission)
  • you post pictures of your cat on your web page and your spouse has no picture posted! (Michael A. Stuart)
  • you cough up hairballs daily too. (Kelly)
  • your cat has more say than your spouse. (Callie O’ Brien)
  • you write poems about your cat. (Callie O’ Brien)
  • your cat sleeps in your bed more often than your spouse.
  • you don’t need an alarm clock, because your cat wakes you up before the alarm clock goes off.
  • you can eat after your cat. (For all non-cat lovers, it does happen.)
  • you’ve stopped wondering where all the cat hairs that appear on your clothes could possibly come from. (Visitor submission)
  • you’ve stopped caring about the amount of fur on your clothing on the rare occasions when you actually go out in public. (Visitor submission)