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You might be a caffeine addict if…

  • you think sleep is for the weak. 
  • you’ve just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o’clock, just so “the milk doesn’t go bad over the weekend” (Naz)
  • you believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
  • you have a website about caffeine
  • you’re on a first name basis with Juan Valdez ( Bruce Campbell)
  • your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.
  • your heart rate is always in triple digits.
  • you know from experience caffeine tablets don’t dissolve in cola. ( Tony Hall )
  • you wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.
  • you can name the five flavors of JOLT.
  • you have a mini-fridge under your desk… and a catheter. ( Daryl Banttari )
  • you drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.
  • you ask, “Sleep? What’s that?”
  • you go to the doctor because you’re afraid there might be blood in your Mountain Dew stream. (Becky)
  • every coffee company wants to have your picture on their packs of coffee powder.
  • your heart only beats twice an hour and your eyes won’t shut anymore.
  • your wife asked you to buy milk, bread and butter and you heard “buy coffee, coffee and coffee.”
  • your slogan is “Save water, drink coffee.”
  • your child’s name is Nescafe.
  • Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.
  • Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.you’ve ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.
  • you regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign. ( Zoe )
  • you have tattooed across the knuckles of your hands “JOLT” and “COLA” ( Zoe )
  • your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
  • you go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.
  • your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.
  • you’ve ever used the airplane’s Call button just to get a coffee refill.
  • you’ve ever knelt and prayed before a Starbuck’s logo.
  • your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
  • you can’t remember the last time you blinked. (Ken McKinney)
  • you have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee. (Ken McKinney)
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  • you have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent. (Ken McKinney)
  • you have dark brown colored hair but you are a natural blonde and have never dyed it. (Ken McKinney)
  • the dishes in your house are all coffee cups. (Ken McKinney)
  • your dog’s name is Folgers. (Ken McKinney)
  • you see nothing wrong with using water joe (the caffeinated water) to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
  • you believe that sleep is simply a poor substitute for sleep (Psycho Dragon)
  • it’s 6:09 AM and you’re on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.
  • you have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
  • you’d rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that first cup of coffee in the morning.  (Caffeine withdrawal is a real headache.)
  • you’ve given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
  • you’ve given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
  • you could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as you had enough coffee beans with you.
  • you suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee.
  • you dip espresso beans.
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You might be addicted to Twitter if…

  1. There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so.
  2. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life)
  3. People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned on.
  4. You can name more than 5 URL shorteners (and TinyURL is not one of them).
  5. You have written your own script or program to retrieve tweets.
  6. You see nothing wrong with divulging intimate details of your daily life to 100 or more complete strangers.
  7. You actively check friendorfollow to see who isn’t following you back.
  8. You qualify every sentence with at least one ‘#’.
  9. “It’s complicated,” means that you need 141 characters to tell the story–even after shortening everything to txt abbreviations.
  10. You subscribe to news outlets and blogs that feed to Twitter because using an RSS reader is just too much work.
  11. You have linked rememberthemilk, Google calendar, etc. to your Twitter account.
  12. You check Twitter in more than 3 ways in the span of an hour (txt, m.twitter.com, Tweetdeck, website…)
  13. You see an unfamiliar “from …” Twitter application or service on someone’s tweet and stop everything to check out that application.
  14. You are obsessed with maintaining your Twitter grade or TwitterRank.
  15. You take Tweetwasters as a personal challenge.
  16. You make a point to say good morning and good night to all of your followers.
  17. Most of your nouns begin with “tw” (i.e., tweeple)
  18. You tweet from the jacuzzi (from @cheapwebmonkey)
  19. You tweet while cleaning the toilets (from @runkerrierun and @runnergoslow)

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