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You might be computer illiterate if…

A list from 10+ years ago…

  • you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge.
  • there is writing on the white-out on your screen
  • -you can’t figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means 🙂
  • someone asks you how to cut and paste, you say “just use scissors and glue.”
  • you try to squash your disk to compress files in it.
  • you scream “Bloody hell! What have i done wrong THIS time, you ***** computer?” every time your computer spits out “error”.
  • you own your computer only 5 minutes before you crash it. (Lisa)
  • you try to find a game and can’t, and you hit the monitor and scream, “Why won’t you work?!?” (Lisa)
  • when the screen saver comes on you’re almost positive that your computer really did crash this time.
  • if there is white out on your computer screen. (Visitor submission)
  • if you don’t use Windows because you religiously don’t believe in icons. (Dave Tibbs)
  • you wonder who General Protection Fault is and what the hell the army wants from you.
  • the only reason you hang out with that *geek* next door is because he will fix your computer for free (Amy R.).
  • you think your mouse is a foot pedal (Jason)
  • you own a Macintosh (Visitor Submission: Doc Holiday) (please don’t flame me on this one.)
  • you think the computer from which virus came actually created the virus (it’s all a conspiracy).
  • you think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
  • you think the “escape” key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.
  • you don’t know where the “any” key is.
  • you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
  • you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
  • you use AOL disks as coasters.  (Also a sign that you’re a computer geek.)
  • you’ve used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
  • you think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
  • you think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
  • you’ve ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
  • you’ve ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
  • you went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies…
  • …and you really needed it.
  • you think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to. (Geeks have this problem too.)
  • Someone gives you a 5-1/4″ Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2″ Drive and wonder why the drive doesn’t work. (Michael M.)
  • You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an “Illegal Operation” error on your computer screen. (Jay)
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The evolution of a python programmer

#Newbie programmer
def factorial(x):
if x == 0:
return 1
else:
return x * factorial(x - 1)
print factorial(6)

#First year programmer, studied Pascal
def factorial(x):
result = 1
i = 2
while i <= x:
result = result * i
i = i + 1
return result
print factorial(6)

#First year programmer, studied C
def fact(x): #{
result = i = 1;
while (i <= x): #{
result *= i;
i += 1;
#}
return result;
#}
print(fact(6))

#First year programmer, SICP
@tailcall
def fact(x, acc=1):
if (x > 1): return (fact((x – 1), (acc * x)))
else: return acc
print(fact(6))

#First year programmer, Python
def Factorial(x):
res = 1
for i in xrange(2, x + 1):
res *= i
return res
print Factorial(6)

#Lazy Python programmer
def fact(x):
return x > 1 and x * fact(x – 1) or 1
print fact(6)

#Lazier Python programmer
f = lambda x: x and x * f(x – 1) or 1
print f(6)

#Python expert programmer
fact = lambda x: reduce(int.__mul__, xrange(2, x + 1), 1)
print fact(6)

#Python hacker
import sys
@tailcall
def fact(x, acc=1):
if x: return fact(x.__sub__(1), acc.__mul__(x))
return acc
sys.stdout.write(str(fact(6)) + ‘n’)

#EXPERT PROGRAMMER
from c_math import fact
print fact(6)

#BRITISH EXPERT PROGRAMMER
from c_maths import fact
print fact(6)

#Web designer
def factorial(x):
#————————————————-
#— Code snippet from The Math Vault —
#— Calculate factorial (C) Arthur Smith 1999 —
#————————————————-
result = str(1)
i = 1 #Thanks Adam
while i <= x:
#result = result * i #It’s faster to use *=
#result = str(result * result + i)
#result = int(result *= i) #??????
result = str(int(result) * i)
#result = int(str(result) * i)
i = i + 1
return result
print factorial(6)

#Unix programmer
import os
def fact(x):
os.system(‘factorial ‘ + str(x))
fact(6)

#Windows programmer
NULL = None
def CalculateAndPrintFactorialEx(dwNumber,
hOutputDevice,
lpLparam,
lpWparam,
lpsscSecurity,
*dwReserved):
if lpsscSecurity != NULL:
return NULL #Not implemented
dwResult = dwCounter = 1
while dwCounter <= dwNumber:
dwResult *= dwCounter
dwCounter += 1
hOutputDevice.write(str(dwResult))
hOutputDevice.write(‘n’)
return 1
import sys
CalculateAndPrintFactorialEx(6, sys.stdout, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL, NULL)

#Enterprise programmer
def new(cls, *args, **kwargs):
return cls(*args, **kwargs)

class Number(object):
pass

class IntegralNumber(int, Number):
def toInt(self):
return new (int, self)

class InternalBase(object):
def __init__(self, base):
self.base = base.toInt()

def getBase(self):
return new (IntegralNumber, self.base)

class MathematicsSystem(object):
def __init__(self, ibase):
Abstract

@classmethod
def getInstance(cls, ibase):
try:
cls.__instance
except AttributeError:
cls.__instance = new (cls, ibase)
return cls.__instance

class StandardMathematicsSystem(MathematicsSystem):
def __init__(self, ibase):
if ibase.getBase() != new (IntegralNumber, 2):
raise NotImplementedError
self.base = ibase.getBase()

def calculateFactorial(self, target):
result = new (IntegralNumber, 1)
i = new (IntegralNumber, 2)
while i <= target:
result = result * i
i = i + new (IntegralNumber, 1)
return result

print StandardMathematicsSystem.getInstance(new (InternalBase, new (IntegralNumber, 2))).calculateFactorial(new (IntegralNumber, 6))