Cow capitalism
Traditional Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Venture Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The
milk  rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
International variations:
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon
images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month,
and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again
and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high
bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute…