- your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
- you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
- you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
- your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
- your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golata.
- you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
- you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
- your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
- your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
- your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
- you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.
- your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
- you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
- your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson.
- your favorite pasttime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn charicatures with egg nog.
- your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.