- What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
- Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo.
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- How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
- Put a chart in front of him.
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- What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
- His amp.
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- What's the last thing a drummer says to his band members?
- "Hey guys I wrote a song!"
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- What's the difference between a trampoline and an accordion?
- You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
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- What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?
- Homeless.
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- How can you tell when there's a lead singer knocking at your door?
- He doesn't know when to come in.
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- How many female singers does it take to change a light bulb?
- One...she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
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- How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
- Four...one to do it and three to bitch because it's electric.
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- How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
- Two...two...two
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- What did the Deadhead say after the drugs wore off?
- THIS MUSIC SUCKS!
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- Who plays with musicians?
- Drummers.
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- How can you tell when the stage is level?
- The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth at once.
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- What is the definition of an optimist?
- A trombone player with a beeper.
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- The quote you will never hear.
- There goes the trombone player in his new Porsche.
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- A trombone player and a frog pass each other on the street. What is the
- difference between the two?
- The frog is probably on his way to a gig.
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- A musician dies and goes to Hell. He gets down there and, to his amazement,
- there is a wailing band just a-cookin'. He listens a while and then is
- asked to get up and jam.
- He does so and is having a blast. He is having the BEST time. After about
- three hours he begins to get a little tired and turns to the cat next to
- him and whispers, When do we take a break?
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- Another musician dies and goes to Heaven.
- St. Peter says, So...you're a musician. Well we've got a pretty good band
- up here ourselves. Let me show you.
- The musician is ushered to a place where a wailing band is playing. He is
- flabbergasted. On guitar is Jimi Hendrix, on bass, Jaco Pastorius, drums,
- Buddy Rich, Dizzy Gillespie is blowing on the trumpet, Charlie Parker on
- sax, and Duke Ellington on piano.
- The musician says, Wow...this is great!
- St. Peter says, There's just one problem...God's got a girlfriend he thinks
- can sing.
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- Q: What's a half step?
- A: The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.
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- Q: What's the difference between a bari-sax and a chain saw?
- A1: Vibrato.
- A2: The exhaust.
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- Q: Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
- A: There's no place to hide your drugs.
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- How can you tell if a roadie is dead?
- The doughnut falls out of his hand.
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- What does New Age music sound like backwards?
- New Age music.
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- Why are drummer jokes all one-liners?
- So the bass players can understand them.