- Posted to: alt.folklore.computers
- From: David Zykin
- Date: Thurs, Nov 3 1994 3:02 am
- MS-DOS: You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.
- Windows: You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because
- attached to the back of the car is a freight train.
- Macintosh System 7: You get in the car to go to the store and the car drives
- you to church.
- UNIX: You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching speeds of 200
- miles per hour en route, you arrive at the barber shop.
- Windows NT: You get in the car and write a letter that says "go to the
- store". Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.
- Taligent/Pink: You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells
- you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.
- OS/2: After fueling up with 6000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and
- drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in
- procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everybody in town.
- S/36 SSP (mainframe, obv.): You get in the car and drive to the store.
- Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are
- run over by kids on mopeds.
- AS/400: An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the
- store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignon.
- Additional postings:
- Amiga Workbench: You buy the car with wheels, engine and seat, add
- dashboard, windshield, tires and trim (that almost matches). Then you
- speed easily toward downtown while combing your hair... except that an
- unseen mosquito dive bombs you leaving the car in pieces again.
- AIX: you think you can drive it because it _looks_ like the car
- you learned on, but none of the controls work right.
- SunOS: runs great, but sometimes you wish you'd paid extra and
- got the windshield/brakes option package.
- Solaris: after three weeks, you go back to the dealer and
- demand your trade-in back.
- Linux: you install a new stereo and the engine starts knocking. Fortunately,
- you've rebuilt it 54560 times already so it's no problem.
- HP/UX: As you proceed to the store at breakneck speed, you marvel at
- how solid and smooth things are despite how hard you beat on your car.
- On the way home you have a small problem with the glove compartment lock,
- but HP won't help you with it because when you got new tires last month
- they weren't HP brand so now your entire car is "unsupported".
- AIX: You get in the car and start driving around. After six months
- of getting used to the funny controls, you find that there's no way to
- work the cigarette lighter. You call the manufacturer, and they send you
- part number 2233ab-55dqz-1854@zbf{]^Z..11, which gets attached to the
- air filter. Now the cigarette lighter works, sort of (it glows, but
- doesn't get hot enough to actually *light* a cigarette.), but the stereo
- is broken. They send you part number 77nnbds7450-ll;94bbx])..99Q, which
- you affix to the lower right tie rod. It fixes the stereo, but the lighter
- still doesn't work.
- After two years of applying fixes to the suspension, the exhaust, the power
- seats, the windows, the rear defogger, the fuel pump, the radiator, and the
- fuel injectors, you *still* don't have a working lighter.
- Then the manufacturer tells you that they no longer support your outdated
- gasoline powered car, but that if you would care to buy one of the new,
- improved, methane powered vehicles, all your problems will be solved.
- GEOS: You get on your motor-scooter and drive to the store quickly and
- smoothly, enjoying the scenery and getting great gas mileage. When
- you stop at the auto parts store on the way home for a spare tire,
- they look at you as if they don't know what you mean.
- Fully Expanded Mac System 7: (that is, with everything from Greg's
- Buttons to StuffIt MagicMenu) You get in the car, wait half an hour for
- it to load all the modifications to the brakes, the transmission, the
- dashboard -- and can't get to the store, because your gearshift isn't
- compatible with your tailpipe anymore.
- Mac System 7.5: You drag the "me" icon to the "store" icon, and the car
- drives you to church ... IF the Church GX extension is installed in your
- Chooser!
- [One of the main features of System 7.5 is "drag-and-drop" printing
- through QuickDraw GX. This lets you drag a region of text to a "desktop
- printer" icon.]
- Mac System 8 / MacOS: You get in the car and it drives you to the store,
- to church, to your ex-girlfriend's place in Vermont, to Radio Shack, and
- to hell -- simultaneously, in Millions of Colors. And your car will run
- on anything from a dirt road to a superhighway.