Someone comes around the corner of a building suddenly and you find yourself stabbing for an F5 key that isn't there.
You start naming everything you own with prefixes and suffixes (ie., your car is "Rusted Gremlin of Frailty", computer is "Obsolete Compaq of Weakness" =P).
After several hours playing your high level mage, you begin to moan and complain about how annoying it is to have to WALK to the mailbox; you'd much rather teleport to it.
The DSF or the Lurker Lounge is your homepage. Your internet nickname is based off your Diablo character's name, and not the other way around.
Whenever you're in a store, you try to give the salesman $50 just to look at the wares.
You start inspecting everyone who walks past, and if they look too healthy, declare them a "cheater".
You are caught trying to eat the books in the library.
You mix blue food coloring in with your iced teas, much to the puzzlement of all your friends.
Whenever a dog walking past stops to bark at you, you cringe and duck for cover.
You are arrested for public indecency; the police find you wearing nothing but a bright pink bathrobe. Your protests of, "But I'm legit!" leave them unmoved.
Whenever you are in a large crowd of people at a concert or wherever, your mind continually conjures the image of blasting them all in one perfect cast of Chain Lightning.
Your friend asks to borrow your walking stick, but you refuse, saying "You don't have enough Magic to use this anyway."
When the regional bishop visits your church for an important holiday, you come to the mass armed to the teeth and spoiling for a fight.
You are always extremely nervous while buying your meats, and keep trying to get the man behind the counter to chase you towards the subway entrance.
Whenever you see a topless woman, you run away, round a corner, and wait for her to follow. You don't even know why you do it.
You answer to your Diablo nickname in addition to your real name.
Whenever anyone discusses modern mechanized warfare, you jump right in with a plethora of comments, mostly about the advantages of Awesome Plate of Sorcery and Storm Shield.
You help a little girl find her lost toy, and then you try to take her necklace. Her father beats you up.
You find someone selling really overpriced and fancily-named crap, and warn everyone not to buy from him, calling him "Wirt" and "the Evil One."
Whenever you tell someone a factual story or a historical tidbit, you always start with, "Take heed and bear witness to the truths that lie herein, for they are the last legacy of the Horadrim... last night while I was driving home the funniest thing happened..."
A friend invites you to go on a weekend spelunking trip with him and you turn him down, saying "I haven't learned Mana Shield yet."
You think "porn" means taking a screenshot whilst surrounded by witches.
You have more screenshot porn than real porn on your system. =P
You continually try to repair your own clothes, but are not surprised at all when they are left worse off than before.
Whenever someone gets up in your face acting threatening, you remember that you're invulnerable while Flash is being cast.
You always try to cast a Town Portal whenever you go downstairs in your house, because "I don't want to get stairtrapped."
You get stopped by a cop whose radar tells him you were speeding, but you argue that his scanner can't tell him any useful info and is highly unreliable as well.
When asked where you are, you often lie since you think the questioner may be a PK.
In snowball fights, when your target is not stunned by your projectiles you complain that they are "abusing the MS bug" You then cover them with band-aides to make them stop.
If you see someone cheating on a test, you don't bother to report it because "Blizz won't do anything about it anyway."
If your car stalls, you fire off an email to Blizzard complaining that, "my game froze when I cast the Ignition spell while using the Brown Car of the Ages" (which is what I'd call my old chevy under the Diablo system)
If you witness a violent crime, you tell the authorities that the perpetrator must have been using Town Kill, since he attacked while not in the dungeon.
When you join a group of protesters against nuclear proliferation, your sign says, "Apoc staves that yield 255 megatons aren't legit!!!"
When you can't find something, you ask friends to check their inventory and see if they picked it up.
When giving news of a death, you try to soften the blow by using the euphamism : "he timed out"
You have to stay after school for destroying the science teacher's human skeleton model, and when asked why you did it cry out, "Rest well, Leoric! I'll find your son!"
When asked how things have been lately, you respond, "All was peaceful until the dark riders came and destroyed our village."
You pay the grocer $5,000 for a gallon of orange juice because "I need one more point of magic to read my history assignment"
You return all your Christmas gifts because you are playing purist, and further more, "I don't trust Uncle Steve... I think he duped the white sock of foot-holding he got me, after all there were *two* of them."
Instead of holding a garage sale to get rid of unwanted items, you just discard them in the center of town.
You complain loudy to anyone who will listen that Fort Knox is obviously duping gold.
You think wrestler Mick Foley must have been pk'd at some point. (for the benefit of the unwashed masses who don't know wrestling :p , Foley lost his ear in an in-ring mishap a few years back)
You do little karate chops on those road construction warning barrels, expecting them to break open and drop gold.
You drink from little plastic kiddie pools so you can see through walls.
You tell airport flight controlers that their radar is largely useless, since it can only detect planes on the common dupes list.
When asked for your social security number, you complain "Blizzard took it away to screw over D1 players!"
your wife tries to give you one more grocery bag to carry into the house, you toss it into the air and say "I can't carry anymore."
while toasting at a dinner and you go to raise your glass and sip to someone's health, you mutter "Not enough Mana" when you see nothing in the bottom of the glass.
you drop casual mention that you have a Steel Long Staff of the Ages to attractive women, who you keep referring to as 'rogues,' whom you meet in taverns, that other people call 'bars.'
you are arrested for walking around carrying a Commodore 64 computer, and nothing else, and all you can tell the judge is that you are a "Beyond Naked Mage."
you wear a lampshade on you head at New Year's Eve parties, but insist on calling it the Harlequinn's Crest.
you give generously to old homeless men in the street, and confuse them all by saying "Moderation is the key, right Farnham?"
you call your son "Albrecht" even though your ancestry is Irish/Chinese.
everytime the preacher tells the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead in church, you are heard to mutter "But I killed him last night in Hell diff, what does it take to finally destroy that Vile Betrayer?"