You Might be a MiSTie if... (Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans)

"So how can you tell when you've gone whole hog, taken the plunge, and quietly metamorphed from a casual viewer of Mystery Science Theater 3000 into a dyed-in-the-wool MiSTie? This question arose on the old rec.arts.tv.mst3k newsgroup, which, in turn, spawned a cascade of answers... which, in further turn, led to the creation of this list!"

This grew into one of the largest fan-collaborative lists on the early web -- close to 300 entries by the final update. What follows is a substantial excerpt; the full archived page has everything else.

You MIGHT be a MiSTie if...

• If, having seen or heard a reference to Joe Don Baker *MITCHELL!!!*, you have an uncontrollable urge to shout MITCHELL!!!
• Or when you see Joe Don Baker in anything -- which gets really tiring when he's the "star" of the film.
• If you can never take Joe Don Baker seriously anymore.
• You're playing DOOM, and while running to avoid a hail of bullets, you start shouting "Ser-pen-tiiiiiiiiiine!"
• A news report on open-air drug markets in DC being named "red zones" comes on and you immediately think "Red Zone DC?"
• If you give your kids a 5 minute warning to get ready for school, then shout "Movie sign!" when the bus drives up.
• If you stay up until 3 in the morning just so you can MST a financial scheme infomercial.
• When you see a young couple embrace and you think to yourself, "Smoochers!"
• If you can't sit through a soccer game without giggling at least once when the announcers refer to the space around the goal as "the area".
• If you giggle whenever someone on TV talks about radar.
• You riff "The Real Bowl".
• You know all the words to the "Mentos" song.
• You say "La La La" for no apparent reason.
• You dress up as "Willy the Waffle" for Halloween.
• Every time someone yells your name, you respond with "Chief? McCloud?"
• Every time you get on a highway, you roll down the window and yell, "Do you want to go faster?"
• Your pet name for your genitals is "Manos: The Genitals of Fate"!
• Every time you get mail, you ask Cambot to put it on stillstore.
• When you discover that every time you open a can of soda, or a jar, or a door that sticks, you say "Hai-keeba!"
• You know the temperatures in the Twin Cities for EVERY airtime of the KTMA episodes.
• If every time you see a vehicle larger than a firetruck, you yell: IT'S MEGAWEAPON!
• You get strange looks from singing the "Big Head" song under your breath.
• If you sing "Love Pads The Film." Out loud. In the theater.
• You're at a cemetery and you start wandering around, calling out, "Puma? Puma?"
• If you've become so critical of the media that you can't watch any movie, play, or TV show without seeing silhouettes of people in front of you.
• If you can see the silhouette of the chairs and three heads across the bottom of your screen when the TV is off.
• If you've made a cutout and taped it to the screen. If you've drawn it on with a magic marker!
• You cut out the silhouette in Photoshop and "MiSTie" everything you can fit on a scanner.
• You see a commercial for the Renaissance Festival and your first reaction is to shout "Huzzah!!"
• If you actually think that wearing a jumpsuit would be COOL!
• If you have no human friends.
• When you go to used CD stores looking for a copy of Chunga's Revenge so you can understand all those Frank Zappa references.
• If you can't listen to Newt Gingrich on NPR without adding scathing supplemental commentary to every break in the Speaker's talk.
• You accidentally MiST in public.
• If you can't see or hear the name *Mitchell* without immediately shouting it out loud!
• When you cut your finger and you start yelling "My hand... my bloody hand!!!"
• If you ALWAYS mutter, "Why don't they look?" whenever you see railroad tracks.
• If every time you're at an event and the people start cheering, you bellow "And the crowd goes wild, yeaaaaa!"
• You get a new computer which is much bigger than your old one, and your first impulse is to name it "Megaweapon".
• You can't watch anything with Richard Basehart in it without cracking up.
• You keep tapes of MST3K in your car just in case you need them.
• You hear a Burger King commercial for "a flame-broiled Whopper sandwich" and without thinking, you add "....and some french-fried potatoes".
• If you can recite the entire filmography of Edward D. Wood, Jr., from memory, but have never seen a Kurosawa film.
• You can't turn off the TV at night without first uttering the phrase "Push the button, [insert own name here]."
• If you yell "OHHHHHHH...WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!" every time you see a police car.
• Every time you see someone walking in the dark with a flashlight, you yell out "NBC Mystery Movie!"
• You think a chain of Torgo Pizza shops would be a great idea!
• You find yourself humming or singing "Pants!"
• If you can't say "It stinks!" without doing the "OK" sign.
• If you say "It's the machine that goes 'ping'!" whenever your computer pings at you.
• You can't pass raccoon roadkill without laughing.
• If, whenever someone says "Hello", you respond with "Thank You".
• You introduce yourself by saying "I'm Cherokee Jack!"
• If your electric fan is made by SAMPO, and every time you turn it on, you shriek "WHERE IS THE SAMPO?"
• You MiST a show you like. "I can't help doing this to The X Files. Needless to say, I watch it alone."
• Every time some alarm or beeper goes off you say "Fries are done."
• Every time you see Kung Fu action you say "Gymkata -- in color".
• If you can't help humming "He's such a failure, failure, failure..." whenever someone messes up at ANYthing.
• If you actually have a romantic dream involving Dr. Clayton Forrester.
• If you see a picture of a factory on television and feel compelled to yell, "INDUSTRY!"
• You've developed a deep emotional attachment to the gumball machine down at work.
• Your wardrobe? Three words: jumpsuits, jumpsuits, jumpsuits!
• Whenever anyone says they're hungry, you feel you must say "Listen, it's cold."
• You refuse to date non-MSTies.
• You just spontaneously shout "MITCHELL".
• You name your pet goldfish Mike, Joel, Crow, Servo, and Gypsy.
• You yell "We've got movie sign!" when you're about to watch a non-MST movie, even at the local cineplex.

The producers wish to thank the following for their (mostly unwitting) contributions: acuzod@aol.com, Captain Ahab, Peter H. Anspach, J. Anzaldi, Amy Ashton, Jonathan L. Bare, Mike Barklage, Bruce Baugh, Robert Bowell, Steve Brinich, Mary Virginia Burke, Marcus Canon, Jodan Cassavant, Ralph Castaneda, Bob Church, Mike Cohen, Cody in Maine Copper, The Cowans, creepygirl, Mike Czaplinski, Tammy Stephanie Davis, Kelly Donaghue, Matt (fRiNgE) Duhan, Maureen Dyokas, Chris Eckman, Greg Eichelberger, Kirk N. Eisenbeis, Doug Elrod, Dr. Kerry S. Estes, Dennis Fairall, Jonah Falcon, Bart Fargo, Christian Feuerstein, Ann Marie Fick, Force of Nature, Josh Forman, Jim Freeman, Sean Gaffney, Doug Gale, Sheryl Gere, Greg Gershowitz, Chad (Soundwave) Gould, Daniel L. Green, Sarah Heiner, Mathew Hennessy, Brandon Hewitt, Tony Hill, Mark Hughes, Mike Inglis, Lucy A. Jaffe, Lisa Jenkins, keaney, Rich Kegarise, Keiko, Cara Kienert, Walter Lackorn, Jeffrey Lampert, George Laster, Allison S. Leninger, Bill Livingston, Stacy Lucas, Desiree Lunsford, Mailcall, Tim Margheim, Tim Marquardt, Chris Mattern, Brian McGinty, Joe McMahon, Kevin J. Mest, Petrea Mitchell, John Moore, Kevin Mowery, Becky "Gypsy Jr." Mroczkowski, Phil Mueller, Greg Muir, Patrick J. Murphy, Jess Nevins, Russ Newhouse, Thomas Overbeck, Brian Pacula, Jamie Plummer, Queen Madissa, Rosemary Reeve, Paul Renner, Christopher Roberson, Tom Salyers, M Sampo, Kathy Sanderson, Terry L. Schanbacher, Noah Singman, Jason Alexander Smith, Thomas R. Sutton, T-Bone, Velia Tanner (and Friends), Matt Thiel, Aaron Thoreson, Rick Thorne, TikiTrader, Dan Traut, Trillian, Chad Van Wagner (aka Spork the Mango Weasel), Roger M. Wilcox, Eric Wilson, and Monty Wilson.

Special thanks to Jamie Plummer and Greg Gershowitz.