You Might Be A Furry Fan/Lifestyler If...

Note from the original page: "Except for a few lines that are clearly marked as having been contributed by others, all lines on this page are original to Cloudchaser Shaconage." It also linked out to the "You Might Be A Redneck If based humor lists" -- i.e. this very site.

YOU MIGHT BE A FURRY FAN IF...

1. If there is not one single suit, tie, dress or other article of clothing in your closet, just fursuits.
2. If you've ever wished that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would do another live action rock concert tour like they did back in 1990.
3. If you've ever bought an album by Jeff Foxworthy, Steppenwolf, Vixen etc. or have gone to one of their performances and were disappointed when you found out that they're humans, especially Vixen.
4. If your favorite online emoticons all have an equals sign on both ends to indicate whiskers =^o^=
5. If you prefer buying and using equipment and tools the brand names of which are that of animals (Huskey, Husqvarna, Garden Weasel, John Deere, etc.)
6. If you would like to see Disney do a live action big budget remake of Robin Hood like they did with 101 Dalmatians, and depending on what sex you are, you would like to go out on a date with either the actor who plays Robin Hood or the actress who plays Maid Marian, provided they wear their on-camera fursuits during the whole date.
7. If you were overjoyed at the news of the Redwall novels by author Brian Jacques coming out on animated TV & video.
8. If songs such as Ted Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever" and Metallica's "Of Wolf and Man" are among your most favorite songs not because you like the music, but simply because of furry content in the lyrics.
9. If you refer to sitting on the toilet as "Skunking the restroom."
10. If you've ever attended a performance by the Tap Dogs or bought one of their videos and you were disappointed that they aren't canosapiens.
11. If you attend a performance of the Broadway musical "CATS" or buy the video and you're disappointed that they are humans in good costumes and not real felosapiens.
12. If, when it comes to portable laptops, you'll only use Vixen computers.
13. If you play Altered Beast just to eventually transform into the Golden Werewolf.
14. If you use a domain with an animal name for e-mail and webspace.
15. If you have your last name changed to an animal name like Wolf, Fox or Huskey for example.
16. If you refer to young children and other newbies as "still wet behind the ears" because it's an animal related expression.
17. If you set your computer's browser to automatically go to a furry website as soon as you turn it on.
18. If your entire social life involves associating with other furries.
19. If you're disappointed that Purina Deer Chow isn't made with real venison.
20. If you think that "muzzleloader" refers to one who eats too much.
21. If you've ever taken out a loan to be able to go to a furry convention.
22. If you think that the best part of the 2002 Winter Olympics opening ceremonies was the skaters wearing coyote and cougar fursuits.
23. If you consider Primal to be your primary language.
24. If you request to be buried wearing your tail, ears, fursuit, furry t-shirt or with other furry paraphernalia.
25. If your fursuit costs more than your car.

Contributed by others (posted with permission of the authors):

• If you write furry-themed computer programs. (FoxWolf, alt.lifestyle.furry, Apr 1998)
• If you go camping and actually want bears to enter the campground. (Startiger, alt.lifestyle.furry, 6 May 1998)
• If you stay up all night watching bears raid the dumpster. (Startiger, alt.lifestyle.furry, 6 May 1998)
• If someone calls you an animal and you like it. (Arden Scentaur, alt.lifestyle.furry, early May 1998)
• If you think that Oreos and Nutella are two of the five basic food groups. (Arden Scentaur, alt.lifestyle.furry, early May 1998)
• If you can spell digitigrade, but not ankle. (Colm the Cannine Comedian)
• If you cheer on the athletes during a showing of Animalympics. (Joshua D. Cutlip, snail mail, Sept 1998)
• If you think the Chipettes are better than the Spice Girls. (Robert "Long Tail" Deardorff, snail mail, 30 Dec 1998)
• If you're one of the lucky few who taped Capitol Critters and Fish Police. (Robert "Long Tail" Deardorff, snail mail, 30 Dec 1998)
• If you think the N.W.O. Wolfpac is the best thing that happened to wrestling in years. (Robert "Long Tail" Deardorff, snail mail, 30 Dec 1998)
• If you say "keep your tail on" to someone instead of "keep your pants/shirt on". (Jason Drumwar_Razor, email, 16 Feb '99)
• You go to all the Kevin Bacon movies just because he was the voice of Balto. (Perriloux, alt.lifestyle.furry, 8/17/00)
• You have a furry themed desktop. (Tasci Synx, alt.lifestyle.furry, 8/17/00)
• You have a furry themed computer desk, with fuzzy monitor snug, and hoof-access keyboard.
• Your computer understands growls and barks.
• You wear a fursuit -- to formal occasions, to the bathroom, to bed, to your lover's bed.
• You protest destruction of animal habitats -- and protest the protesters for tromping on animal burrows.
• You might be a furry if you have a crush on one of the Animorphs because they sound like they'd be furry. (Razzek Mecotl, email, 4 Feb 2001)
• You have a crush on fictitious characters like Simba, Nala, Balto, or anybeast from the Redwall books.
• If you've ever used "Ptah!", "Grr!", "Feh!" or "Haugh!" as an expletive.
• If you call your younger siblings/cousins or anybody younger than you a "cub", "kit", or "hatchling".

YOU MIGHT BE A FURRY LIFESTYLER IF...

"A furry 'lifestyle' is anything from having a deep emotional attachment to a certain animal to actually believing yourself to be in spirit a certain animal." -- Whisper, a Vixen, alt.lifestyle.furry, May '98

1. If you've ever filled out a Furvey.
2. If you've ever been refused entry into any business establishment because of the health department's "Handicap Service Animals Only" rule.
3. If you've ever tried to file a discrimination lawsuit against the health department because of their "Handicap Service Animals Only" rule.
4. If you prefer snacking on pet snacks to snacking on people snacks and you don't think it's unusual at all.
5. If you hear phrases like "Get your paws off..." and you automatically think they're talking about you even if they're not.
6. If you use flea and tick dip and shampoo on yourself.
7. If the smell of a skunk's scent is to you like perfume on a beautiful woman.
8. If the smell of dog -- even if it's wet -- is not offensive to you and in fact smells quite pleasant.
9. If you post to or lurk at the internet newsgroup alt.lifestyle.furry.
10. If you refer to an amorous female as being "in heat."
11. If your species is a species of canid and you refer to peeing as "hiking my leg" or "marking my territory".
12. If you get a cut, scrape or other injury and you lick it to clean it and to help it heal faster.
13. If you howl, yip, bark, etc. when greeting friends.
14. If you've ever wished that Silverwolf's "Furnetics Corp." were real and not fiction so that you can have yourself physically transformed into a true furry.
15. If you refer to being angry as barking, roaring or yowling, and being excited, angry or frightened as raising the fur on the back of one's neck.
16. If instead of "That really makes me happy!" you say "That really wags my tail!"
17. If you'll smile but you won't grin and show your teeth for fear that others will mistake it for a snarl.
18. If your doctor makes you wear one of those huge plastic collars after surgery so you can't lick or nip at your stitches.
19. If you refer to your doctor as "my veterinarian."
20. If you refer to your birthday as "my whelpday", "my hatchday", or whatever term is appropriate for your species.
21. If you've had or want to have your name legally changed to your furry name.
22. If your species is predatory and you refer to your food as "my kill" even if it came from a grocery store or restaurant.
23. If you own a Blackwolf & Decker Furdevil with the shed attachment.
24. If your bathtub has ever overflowed because you forgot to clean out the furtrap.
25. If you post to alt.lifestyle.furry on a regular basis.
26. If you post anything and/or send e-mail as your furry self instead of the human you used to be.
27. If terms such as "catfit" and "duckfit" have a whole different meaning for you.
28. If you consider phrases such as "Crazy Like A Fox" and "Crying Wolf" to be insulting, negative racial stereotypes.
29. If you think "skritching" is a socially acceptable way of showing affection.
30. If you think that it's perfectly normal to howl at the moon.
31. If you have a bumper sticker or T-shirt that says "You call me 'Bitch' like it's a bad thing."
32. If you think that "muzzleloader" and "overeater" mean the same thing.
33. If you use hairball treatment on yourself.
34. If, when you're sick, you go to see a veterinarian instead of a doctor.

Contributed by others (posted with permission of the authors):

• Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs. (unknown)
• You communicate to your computer with growls and barks. (Tasci Synx, alt.lifestyle.furry, 8/17/00)
• You make animal noises, then study animal noises.
• You speak to animals -- and they answer.
• You dream of being an anthropomorphic animal. You hallucinate of being an anthropomorphic animal. You are an anthropomorphic animal, despite what the men in white coats say.
• You have a pet. You have 19 cats. You bathe with them, but your bathtub never gets used.
• You growl when irritated. You howl when irritated. You froth at the mouth and go for the throat, when irritated.
• Your ideal partner is a fellow furry. Your ideal partner is an anthropomorph. Your real partner is an anthropomorph. You think your real partner is an anthropomorph, despite what the men in white coats say.
• Nature is your back yard. Nature is your house. Nature is your bathroom.
• You think sports hunting is vile and evil. You think sports hunters are vile and evil. You think sports hunters are delicious.
• You check every now and then to see if you have a tail. You check every hour to see if you have a tail.
• You measure the length of your canine teeth daily.
• You think genetics can make you furry. You think nanobots can make you furry. You think magic can make you furry. You think pure determination can make you furry.

Contributed by Argouru, email, 15 Mar 2001: "If you answer yes to more than 10% of this list. DEFINITELY if you don't care or are proud of this, incurable if you show off results to friends and family with the same pride you'd show of a diploma."