- you think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
- you think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
- you don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
- for breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
- you don't know what a moon pie is.
- you've never had grain alcohol.
- you've never, ever, eaten Okra.
- you eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
- you've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
- you have no idea what a polecat is.
- whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
- you don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
- you don't have bangs.
- you would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
- more than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in
Connecticut.
- you would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing
show.
- instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you
guys," even if both of them are women.
- you don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
- you have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
- you think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than
to pay the salary of the head football coach.
- you don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
- The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on
the highway.
- you don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
- the farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
- you call binoculars opera glasses.
- you can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and
stopping.
- you would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
- you don't know what appliqued is.
- most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a
football game.
- you don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob
Bob)
- you don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
- you've never been to a craft show.
- you get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
- you can't do your laundry without quarters.
- none of your fur coats are homemade.
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