You might be a Yankee if... 
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  • you think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
  • you think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
  • you don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
    correctly.
  • for breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
  • you don't know what a moon pie is.
  • you've never had grain alcohol.
  • you've never, ever, eaten Okra.
  • you eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  • you've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
  • you have no idea what a polecat is.
  • whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
  • you don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  • you don't have bangs.
  • you would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  • more than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
  • you would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
  • you don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
  • you have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
  • you think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  • you don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
  • The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
  • you don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  • the farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  • you call binoculars opera glasses.
  • you can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  • you would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
  • you don't know what appliqued is.
  • most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a football game.
  • you don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
  • you don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
  • you've never been to a craft show.
  • you get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  • you can't do your laundry without quarters.
  • none of your fur coats are homemade.

 

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