twitter « YouMightBe.com’s humor lists

YouMightBe.com’s humor lists

A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings.

You might be a Twitter Spammer if…

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(Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username – e..g., “d spam @spammer”)

default_profile_biggerYou still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn’t yet)

default_profile_biggerYou have been suspended on a regular basis: “Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here.”

default_profile_biggerYou have one update, yet you add 100 people to your follow list every day.

default_profile_biggerYou repeat your same tweet w/ blog post several times a day, and freely admit that it wasn’t a technical glitch on the part of your Twitter client.

default_profile_biggerShamwow

default_profile_biggerYour followers count is in the single digits, but you’re following 100-1000 people.

default_profile_biggerYour URL goes to a horribly ugly site with black and red bold sans-serif text, sporadic yellow highlights, occasional ALL CAPS and exclamation POINTS on a white background!!!

default_profile_biggerYou URL has a video of you pulling $2,000 cash.

default_profile_biggerYou are following nor followed by anyone, and regularly send @reply messages advertising your product.

default_profile_biggerYou follow people at random and drop them as soon as they’re following you.

default_profile_biggerYou have a “system” for making lots of money.

default_profile_biggerAutomatic direct messages with links to new followers.

default_profile_bigger“Be-a-magpie”

default_profile_biggerYour “name” associated with your Twitter ID consists of a 6-letter combo of the letters a-s-d-f.

default_profile_biggerAll @replies.

default_profile_biggerNo status updates.

default_profile_biggerNo profile, url, default background…

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  • You might be a history major if... You might be a history major if.... 1. You find yourself correcting your parents on their history (especially since the last history class they had was in high school...apparently, my dad thinks that Frank Lloyd Wright was one of the Wright Bros.). 2. You find yourself correcting YOUR PROFESSORS on......
  • You might be a bad driver if... you've ever offered someone inordinate sums of money for the damage because if the insurance company hears about one more accident... your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on asfault in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you. you go to leave the frat party stone......
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  • Living with Ed makes fun of environmentalists and should be cancelled. Does anyone else feel this way? I was really looking forward to checking out "Living with Ed" on HGTV when I first heard about it...and then I finally saw it. Ugh. It is basically a half hour show dedicated to making fun of environmentalists and their "whacky" ideas about recycling,......

You might be addicted to Twitter if…

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  1. There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so.
  2. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life)
  3. People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned on.
  4. You can name more than 5 URL shorteners (and TinyURL is not one of them).
  5. You have written your own script or program to retrieve tweets.
  6. You see nothing wrong with divulging intimate details of your daily life to 100 or more complete strangers.
  7. You actively check friendorfollow to see who isn’t following you back.
  8. You qualify every sentence with at least one ‘#’.
  9. “It’s complicated,” means that you need 141 characters to tell the story–even after shortening everything to txt abbreviations.
  10. You subscribe to news outlets and blogs that feed to Twitter because using an RSS reader is just too much work.
  11. You have linked rememberthemilk, Google calendar, etc. to your Twitter account.
  12. You check Twitter in more than 3 ways in the span of an hour (txt, m.twitter.com, Tweetdeck, website…)
  13. You see an unfamiliar “from …” Twitter application or service on someone’s tweet and stop everything to check out that application.
  14. You are obsessed with maintaining your Twitter grade or TwitterRank.
  15. You take Tweetwasters as a personal challenge.
  16. You make a point to say good morning and good night to all of your followers.
  17. Most of your nouns begin with “tw” (i.e., tweeple)
  18. You tweet from the jacuzzi (from @cheapwebmonkey)
  19. You tweet while cleaning the toilets (from @runkerrierun and @runnergoslow)

More lists:

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  • You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
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