YouMightBe.com's humor lists

A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings.

“Shit Happens” from a Social Media Perspective

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In the style of the Shit Happens list:

Foursquare:

  • I am mayor of this toilet.

Twitter:

  • That Mexican food hit me wrong. (Someone who is keen on maintaining their “personal brand”)
  • I need to shit. (Everyone else)

Facebook:

  • The inside joke type:  “The Nope strikes again.” [where your inside crowd nickname for a Mexican place goes in the bold italics.]
    • 3 people “Like” this shit.
  • The vague, but obvious reference:  “Glade Floral Scent rocks.”
  • No apologies: “I Shit”

Tumblr:

  • Whoa…  somebody didn’t flush their shit.  Hey, everybody, check this shit out!

StumbleUpon:

  • Post your toilet and have random people shit in it.

Digg:

  • You:  This shit is awesome.  Others:  I’m going to bury your shit.

LinkedIn:

  • Excellent at making sure I flush my shit.

Quora:

  • Why is there corn in my shit?

See also:

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Snow Portmanteau

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The following are ways of expressing the snow hysteria (especially on Twitter):

  • snOMG
  • snowmageddon
  • snoWTF
  • ohsnowudidnt
  • snoverkill
  • snowicane
  • snopacalypse

Added:

  • Some other snow portmanteau may be found on A Daily Portmanteau: Snowmenclature, including:  snovice, snowhere, snowonder, snowbegone, snowmad, state of snomergency, snoway, snovacaine, snoxious, snowbotomy, snooky, snowcreation, snaction…
  • From TSNONami – tSNOnami, SNOzilla, SNOlycrap, SNOtards, SNOverated, SNOverreaction, SNOverestimated, SNOthingsgonnahappen, SNOba_fett, SNObalWarming, SNOblivion, SNOproblem, SNOwayinhell, SNOtoriousBIG, SNOf__kyourself, SNOflakes, SNOcoholics, SNOtography, SNOtos.
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  • You might be from Louisville (KY) if... your "International" airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states. (Louisville "would-like-to-be" International Airport) the in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship. you live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes, but has no......
  • You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......
  • You might be computer illiterate if... A list from 10+ years ago... you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge. there is writing on the white-out on your screen -you can't figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means :-) someone asks you how to......
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You might be a Twitter Spammer if…

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(Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username – e..g., “d spam @spammer”)

default_profile_biggerYou @-reply people you don’t follow with links.

default_profile_biggerYou still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn’t yet)

default_profile_biggerYou have been suspended on a regular basis: “Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here.”

default_profile_biggerYou have one update, yet you add 100 people to your follow list every day.

default_profile_biggerYou repeat your same tweet w/ blog post several times a day, and freely admit that it wasn’t a technical glitch on the part of your Twitter client.

default_profile_biggerShamwow

default_profile_biggerYour followers count is in the single digits, but you’re following 100-1000 people.

default_profile_biggerYour URL goes to a horribly ugly site with black and red bold sans-serif text, sporadic yellow highlights, occasional ALL CAPS and exclamation POINTS on a white background!!!

default_profile_biggerYou URL has a video of you pulling $2,000 cash.

default_profile_biggerYou are following nor followed by anyone, and regularly send @reply messages advertising your product.

default_profile_biggerYou follow people at random and drop them as soon as they’re following you.

default_profile_biggerYou have a “system” for making lots of money.

default_profile_biggerAutomatic direct messages with links to new followers.

default_profile_bigger“Be-a-magpie”

default_profile_biggerYour “name” associated with your Twitter ID consists of a 6-letter combo of the letters a-s-d-f.

default_profile_biggerAll @replies.

default_profile_biggerNo status updates.

default_profile_biggerNo profile, url, default background…

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You might be addicted to Twitter if…

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  1. There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so.
  2. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life)
  3. People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned on.
  4. You can name more than 5 URL shorteners (and TinyURL is not one of them).
  5. You have written your own script or program to retrieve tweets.
  6. You see nothing wrong with divulging intimate details of your daily life to 100 or more complete strangers.
  7. You actively check friendorfollow to see who isn’t following you back.
  8. You qualify every sentence with at least one ‘#’.
  9. “It’s complicated,” means that you need 141 characters to tell the story–even after shortening everything to txt abbreviations.
  10. You subscribe to news outlets and blogs that feed to Twitter because using an RSS reader is just too much work.
  11. You have linked rememberthemilk, Google calendar, etc. to your Twitter account.
  12. You check Twitter in more than 3 ways in the span of an hour (txt, m.twitter.com, Tweetdeck, website…)
  13. You see an unfamiliar “from …” Twitter application or service on someone’s tweet and stop everything to check out that application.
  14. You are obsessed with maintaining your Twitter grade or TwitterRank.
  15. You take Tweetwasters as a personal challenge.
  16. You make a point to say good morning and good night to all of your followers.
  17. Most of your nouns begin with “tw” (i.e., tweeple)
  18. You tweet from the jacuzzi (from @cheapwebmonkey)
  19. You tweet while cleaning the toilets (from @runkerrierun and @runnergoslow)

More lists:

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