(Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username – e..g., “d spam @spammer”)

You still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn’t yet)

You have been suspended on a regular basis: “Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due to strange activity. Mosey along now, nothing to see here.”

You have one update, yet you add 100 people to your follow list every day.

You repeat your same tweet w/ blog post several times a day, and freely admit that it wasn’t a technical glitch on the part of your Twitter client.

Shamwow

Your followers count is in the single digits, but you’re following 100-1000 people.

Your URL goes to a horribly ugly site with black and red bold sans-serif text, sporadic yellow highlights, occasional ALL CAPS and exclamation POINTS on a white background!!!

You URL has a video of you pulling $2,000 cash.

You are following nor followed by anyone, and regularly send @reply messages advertising your product.

You follow people at random and drop them as soon as they’re following you.

You have a “system” for making lots of money.

Automatic direct messages with links to new followers.

“Be-a-magpie”

Your “name” associated with your Twitter ID consists of a 6-letter combo of the letters a-s-d-f.

All @replies.

No status updates.

No profile, url, default background…

• You might be a biker if... going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike. your gloves don't have any fingers. you prefer to pee outside. your beer preference is BEER. you treat your leather better than your woman. you wash your bike more than you wash yourself. rock-and-roll is the only kind of......
• You might be taking the beanie babies thing too far if... An oldie from the first days of YouMightBe.com... you spend so much money on beanies that you can't afford beans. you kick out your grandmother so the beanies can have their own room. someone asks you how many kids you have, and you answer, "1030... but some are doubles." (......
• Puns from the Inbox 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whisky maker -......
• Murphy's Laws for EMS The First Law of EMS: All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time. Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat. Corollary 2: Always order food "to go". The Law of Time: 1. There is absolutely no relationship between......
• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......

• Is The Economy Recovering? Had dinner last night with an old family friend at a fancy restaurant. One of the topics that came up for discussion was the stock market and whether the recent rally was sustainable. While I didn't have any concrete information about the numbers, I felt that the rally in the......
• Love Webkinz? Where To Get WebKinz Pets At 40% off Webkinz Pets are a big hit here in our household. In case you don't know, Webkinz pets are stuffed animals that come with a code so you can play on the Webkinz virtual site. They are very popular with kids. The stuffed animals typically run anywhere from $7 or $8......
• Chinese Buffets and Fat Men Don't Mix Photo Courtesy of MidtownLunch Buffets were created by the devil! Not literally, but it sure does feel like it sometimes. I have a history with buffets. In high school I would go to the same buffet every week. It was a ritual that some of us "bigger" guys on the......
• Travel Agents Can Save You Time And Money Once upon a time making travel arrangements required quite a bit of planning and research which made  travel agents invaluable when planning a trip. With the help of the Internet and travel websites, booking hotel rooms and airline flights has become so simple anyone with a computer and credit card can......
• 10 Reasons Why Internet Marketers Fail It is estimated that approximately 95% of people fail online, lose money, or never make a penny from internet marketing... And that's not just some made-up statistic to get your attention! However, in spite of the high failure rate, Internet marketing is still one of the fastest-growing and profitable businesses......

• You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006
• Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text.
• gmail can’t seem to “preview in html” the pdf you attached.
• Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey
  • Note: I said SENDER, not subject. A legitimate sender would at least give me a real “from” address.
• Your e-mail utilizes horribly bad English in ALL CAPS.
• Your e-mail doesn’t use English at all.
• Your e-mail doesn’t even use the Latin alphabet (Cyrillic, Chinese, etc… instead)
• You put the $ sign in the wrong place and use a period for a 1000s separator (10.000$)
• You specify US for the $ amount.
• You can’t manage to correctly spell the name of the product you’re selling me.
• You write in HAX0r

• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......
• You might be a bad customer if... you instruct the bartender on how to make a drink because, very loudly, you explain "That's how they make them at MY country club." Then you wait to receive your .19 cents in change and don't tip. you go into a convenience store and buy a pack of gum......
• IT Light Bulb Jokes Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four hundred and seventy-two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle... Q: How many technical support personnel does it take to change a light bulb? A: We have an exact copy......
• You might be anal-retentive if... you eat the M&Ms in color order. you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper. From Miranda: you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size. you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and......

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• Having Trouble Refinancing? Borrow from a Rich Friend or Family Member I was talking with a friend that recently purchased his home with an ARM and did 100% financing. With little (or possibly negative equity with home prices dropping), he will certainly have a very difficult time refinancing into a fixed-rate when his rate begins to adjust. As it so happens,......
• Guest Writer Wednesday: Cash flow is Lifeblood Welcome to another article in the Guest Writer Wednesday series. If you would like to contribute, here is how you do it. Today's post is from Prlinkbiz, a writer for No Limits Ladies. You can subscribe to their feed here. Cash flow is lifeblood: Can’t do much without either. Our......
• Managing Stocks in an Economic Crisis 2008 is showing all of the hallmarks of being a difficult year financially, and for this reason, having control over your cash flow is absolutely vital. Managing stocks in an economic crisis is one of the best possible defenses that you can take during the credit crunch. By monitoring the......
• Pay Extra for Turnkey Real Estate or Save with Fixer Upper? For some time now, I've been considering becoming a real estate investor (>1 property) once again. Even though real estate prices haven't found their absolute bottom yet (my non-professional opinion only), I'm thinking that 2010 might be a decent time to test the waters, do some bottom fishing, and......