YouMightBe.com's humor lists » bad driver http://youmightbe.com/blog A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings. Sat, 13 Aug 2011 16:33:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 You might be a bad driver if… http://youmightbe.com/blog/2006/12/29/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/ http://youmightbe.com/blog/2006/12/29/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/#comments Fri, 29 Dec 2006 18:41:53 +0000 Thomas http://youmightbe.com/blog/?p=42
  • you’ve ever offered someone inordinate sums of money for the damage because if the insurance company hears about one more accident…
  • your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on asfault in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you.
  • you go to leave the frat party stone sober and your roomate still insists on hiding your kes and calling a cab.
  • people ask you about “the accident”, and you reply, which one?
  • the instructor finally gave up and let YOU teach traffic school. (Mavis)
  • you see a sign that says, “Lane ends 500 FT,” and you manage to drive in the lane for another 1/2 mile.
  • you have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license. (Kealoha)
  • you’ve ever changed a full set of clothes and/or re-done your makeup while on the freeway.
  • you’ve had your license for two months and you’re already an experienced ditch digger.
  • you find yourself trying to beat that old granny before she makes it to the zebra crossing. ( Stu )
  • ….and you always lose, but not before it’s too late. ( Stu )
  • you slow down when coming to green lights…
  • …and speed up on yellow.
  • you hit a tree and your brother tells you your getting rusty cause you missed the center of the car by a fraction of an inch. (Lee)
  • you take your eyes off the road and both hands off the steering whell to help your passenger put on their seat belt while driving 65 MPH down the freeway. (Lisa)
  • you rear end someone at a stop light and then jump out screaming, “Whip lash!!!” (Lisa)
  • you use your knees for steering more than your hands.
  • the police department knows your plate number by heart.
  • the police carry separate tickets with your information filled out already.
  • you think red lights & stop signs are a suggestion (Amon-Ra)
  • you’ve ever asked anyone what a raised finger means because “I get that all the time.”
  • you replace your airbag more often than your oil.
  • you walk into traffic court and everyone shouts out your name.
  • you get pulled over for drunk driving and you are stone sober. (Ken McKinney)
  • you think you have a flat when you hear thump, thump, thump. It’s actually just you clipping the orange and white barrels. (Ken McKinney)
  • Curb? What curb? (Ken McKinney)
  • you are the only car in the parking lot and you STILL hit a light pole. (Ken McKinney)
  • you stop on an on ramp and wait for “enough room”. (Ken McKinney)
  • you have ever hit the car in front of you while YOU were trying to back up. (Ken McKinney)
  • you tell your passenger what a good driver you are as you turn into a ditch. 
  • you swerve to miss a tree… and it’s your air freshener. (Scott)
  • all anyone can see when you drive is your knuckles. (Visitor submission)
  • your turn sign signal is always blinking in the direction opposite to the one you’re turning.
  • you drive 90 MPH in bumper to bumper traffic and always pass on the right (Colonel)
  • you think the signal switch is something that just gets in your way whenever you reach for your coffee.
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