YouMightBe.com's humor lists » addicted http://youmightbe.com/blog A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings. Sat, 13 Aug 2011 16:33:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 You might be a caffeine addict if… http://youmightbe.com/blog/2009/02/20/you-might-be-a-caffeine-addict-if/ http://youmightbe.com/blog/2009/02/20/you-might-be-a-caffeine-addict-if/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2009 16:06:02 +0000 Thomas http://youmightbe.com/blog/?p=129
  • you think sleep is for the weak. 
  • you’ve just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o’clock, just so “the milk doesn’t go bad over the weekend” (Naz)
  • you believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
  • you have a website about caffeine
  • you’re on a first name basis with Juan Valdez ( Bruce Campbell)
  • your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.
  • your heart rate is always in triple digits.
  • you know from experience caffeine tablets don’t dissolve in cola. ( Tony Hall )
  • you wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.
  • you can name the five flavors of JOLT.
  • you have a mini-fridge under your desk… and a catheter. ( Daryl Banttari )
  • you drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.
  • you ask, “Sleep? What’s that?”
  • you go to the doctor because you’re afraid there might be blood in your Mountain Dew stream. (Becky)
  • every coffee company wants to have your picture on their packs of coffee powder.
  • your heart only beats twice an hour and your eyes won’t shut anymore.
  • your wife asked you to buy milk, bread and butter and you heard “buy coffee, coffee and coffee.”
  • your slogan is “Save water, drink coffee.”
  • your child’s name is Nescafe.
  • Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.
  • Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.you’ve ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.
  • you regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign. ( Zoe )
  • you have tattooed across the knuckles of your hands “JOLT” and “COLA” ( Zoe )
  • your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
  • you go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.
  • your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.
  • you’ve ever used the airplane’s Call button just to get a coffee refill.
  • you’ve ever knelt and prayed before a Starbuck’s logo.
  • your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
  • you can’t remember the last time you blinked. (Ken McKinney)
  • you have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee. (Ken McKinney)
  • f
  • you have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent. (Ken McKinney)
  • you have dark brown colored hair but you are a natural blonde and have never dyed it. (Ken McKinney)
  • the dishes in your house are all coffee cups. (Ken McKinney)
  • your dog’s name is Folgers. (Ken McKinney)
  • you see nothing wrong with using water joe (the caffeinated water) to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
  • you believe that sleep is simply a poor substitute for sleep (Psycho Dragon)
  • it’s 6:09 AM and you’re on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.
  • you have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
  • you’d rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that first cup of coffee in the morning.  (Caffeine withdrawal is a real headache.)
  • you’ve given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
  • you’ve given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
  • you could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as you had enough coffee beans with you.
  • you suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee.
  • you dip espresso beans.
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    Blog Traffic Exchange ]]>     http://youmightbe.com/blog/2009/02/20/you-might-be-a-caffeine-addict-if/feed/ 6     You might be addicted to Twitter if… http://youmightbe.com/blog/2009/02/18/you-might-be-addicted-to-twitter-if/ http://youmightbe.com/blog/2009/02/18/you-might-be-addicted-to-twitter-if/#comments Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:04:05 +0000 Thomas http://youmightbe.com/blog/?p=80
  • There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so.
  • You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life)
  • People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned on.
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  • You have written your own script or program to retrieve tweets.
  • You see nothing wrong with divulging intimate details of your daily life to 100 or more complete strangers.
  • You actively check friendorfollow to see who isn’t following you back.
  • You qualify every sentence with at least one ‘#’.
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  • You check Twitter in more than 3 ways in the span of an hour (txt, m.twitter.com, Tweetdeck, website…)
  • You see an unfamiliar “from …” Twitter application or service on someone’s tweet and stop everything to check out that application.
  • You are obsessed with maintaining your Twitter grade or TwitterRank.
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  • Most of your nouns begin with “tw” (i.e., tweeple)
  • You tweet from the jacuzzi (from @cheapwebmonkey)
  • You tweet while cleaning the toilets (from @runkerrierun and @runnergoslow)

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