YouMightBe.com's humor lists

A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings.

You might be a coffee snob if…

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-you heat the coffee mug before pouring your coffee
-you brew your own coffee at work
-…from fresh ground whole beans
-…stored in a climate and humidity-controlled environment
-…in your own coffee maker
-you refuse to patronize Starbucks since they simplified their daytime brew offering.
-…and you know the name of this blend (Pike Place)
-”fair trade” and “local” refer to flavor more than principles.
-your average cup of brewed coffee costs you more than the average person pays for three pounds of coffee.
-rim staining foam.
-you shudder when you hear someone say “expresso”
-your coffee is roasted in smaller batches than the average grocery store has on their shelves at any given time.
-you have two blade grinders as emergency backup for your burr grinder.
-you have ever used a thermometer when making your coffee.
-you have brewed coffee using methods from more countries than you’ve actually been to. (Turkish, Cuban, French Press, Vietnamese Press…)

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  • You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......
  • You might be a caffeine addict if... you think sleep is for the weak.  you've just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o'clock, just so "the milk doesn't go bad over the weekend" (Naz) you believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable. you have a website......
  • You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
  • Your band might be a sell-out if... Your band might be a sell-out if..... 1. Music you wrote and recorded is constantly heard on top 40 radio. 2. You see yourself on MTV more than once a week. 3. You have more female fans than male fans. 4. You went to a mall and saw at least......
  • You might be from Michigan if... You might be from Michigan if... 1. You're in a foul mood for days if the Red Wings loose a game. 2. You know what Greenfield Village is. 3. You party in Canada on the weekends. 4. You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out. 5. You don't find sleeping......
  • You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
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You might be a New Yorker if…

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  • you know what “call you for it” or “choose you for it” means.
  • you get scared when a stranger randomly starts up a conversation with you.
  • you can’t stand leaving the city because people everywhere else are so nice, it’s annoying.
  • you curse….a lot.
  • you believe that if you’re not from the 5 boroughs, you’re not really from New York.
  • you never call it Manhattan, you call it “the city”.
  • you love, not like, Billy Joel’s music (and you know all of the words).
  • you leave and miss it…but when you’re there, it sucks.
  • you’ve actually eaten a “dirty water dog” and pronounce it dawg, not dog
  • you know what a squeegee guy is.
  • police sirens don’t effect you anymore.
  • you show your middle finger at least five times a day.
  • the word off comes out sounding like awff… instead of Parking the car…..You pock the caw. (visitor submission)
  • you can drive your car in rush hour while applying make-up, shifting gears, talking on a cell phone, honking the horn, and flipping someone off all at the same time.
  • you really don’t get what a “Big New Yorker” or “Brooklyn-style” pizza is.
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  • You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
  • You might be a Monty Python fan if... everytime you want to change the subject you say "and now for something completely different" you named your website Weasels and Spit when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you've been doing you've ever replied "I just spent four hours buryin' the cat" (and......
  • Types of Meetings Meeting before the meeting - A select group of people, usually from the same team, decide what the "correct outcome" of the main meeting is supposed to be. When the main meeting comes, the co-conspirators stick to their guns about what must be done. Meeting after the meeting - Often, the......
  • You might be an Animaniacs fan if... you've tried to outdo Yakko's singing of the dictionary by singing the Encylopedia. (Lynxan) you've suspected that your successful friend might be a chicken. (Lynxan) you yell "potty emergency" every time you need to go. ( Deena ) you can sing the words to Wakko's "America"... ...or Yahoo's "World".........
  • You might be a Trekkie if... you've been to KLI.org . ...you created the KLI.org site . ...you've submitted corrections to KLI.org . you actually know that the prime directive isn't "to boldly go where no man has gone before" and what it actually is. you know who Barkeley is and what happened to him. you're......
  • You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
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You might be a Broadway musical lover if…

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  1. You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from.
  2. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can’t help, but to sing the rest of the song.
  3. You know all the dance steps.
  4. You do all the Dance steps.
  5. and sing, You don’t care who sees you.
  6. You tell your friends a sentence, and ask them which musical, act, scene, song, it came from and which character says that line.
  7. You own more than 2 musical soundtracks, and they are so worn out, you have to replace them every 5 years.
  8. You sing instead of speaking. (constantly)
  9. You know “Timing is Everything” even in every day life.
  10. You name your pets and kids after characters on your favorite musicals. (my cat is named Roger, from Rent)
  11. You suggest at least 2 different musicals you want to see put on stage in your community theatre, and you want to direct it, and you already have a good idea how it’s going to look on stage. And you have a basic idea who are going to be your cast and crew, for every role.
  12. You are involved in 3 different community theatres, because each theatre has musicals different times of the year, so you are always involved in a musicals all year round. (no straight plays for you)
  13. You get annoyed when someone doesn’t sing the correct lines, and you try to help them learn it correctly.
  14. Every Halloween you are a character from a musical, and get offended if people don’t guess correctly, and if they Have no clue what that musical is after you tell them.
  15. You love to tell people your version of the Synopsis.
  16. You know what a Synopsis is.
  17. Your synopsis even include the words to every song.
  18. and who sings them.
  19. People run and hide if you say the word “Synopsis”
  20. You think $60 for a broadway ticket is worth it, and would pay again, within the same year. (especially your favorite musical)
  21. You have a website decicated to musicals.
  22. You have ONE website PER musical. (with links)
  23. You start your own Musical update Emailing list, and get upset when no one has joined, since you put it up a year ago.
  24. You don’t understand how other people can’t appericate GOOD music.
  25. People don’t understand how you can stand GOOD music.
  26. You get offended by that remark.
  27. You take a charter bus with everyone in your commuity theatre to go to New York to see a Broadway Musical, and it’s been booked in a year in advanced.
  28. You MAKE sure that trip to New York is planned out. (don’t want to miss that opportunity)
  29. You cried when your Favorite musical doesn’t play on Broadway anymore
  30. You get excited, because in a few years, you can have it put on in your own Community theatre. (look at #11)
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  • You might be a dog lover if... your bedroom door has a doggie door. ( Lisa C. ) your dog owns more clothing and toys than your neighbor's children. you have more pictures of your dog than of any other family member including yourself. you allow your dog to join you in the bath but not......
  • You might be a cat lover if... You might be a cat lover if... --You laugh or say, "Oh, aren't you clever," when your cats misbehave. --Your cat's picture is your wallpaper on your computer at work. --You get into discussions with people about whose cat(s) are smarter/funnier/cuter. . . --including your boss and your mother. --You......
  • You might be a band geek if... during concert season you wish you where out on the field. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you can be found before school, at lunch, and after school down in front of the band room with all the other band members. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you spend more time in the......
  • Your band might be a sell-out if... Your band might be a sell-out if..... 1. Music you wrote and recorded is constantly heard on top 40 radio. 2. You see yourself on MTV more than once a week. 3. You have more female fans than male fans. 4. You went to a mall and saw at least......
  • You might be Filipino if... you don't see a problem with spaghetti [with sauce], white rice, and fried chicken on the same plate. you take brownies to non-Filipino potluck dinners. you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale. you say kutex instead of nail polish. you are stumped when asked what kind......
  • You might be a Monty Python fan if... everytime you want to change the subject you say "and now for something completely different" you named your website Weasels and Spit when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you've been doing you've ever replied "I just spent four hours buryin' the cat" (and......
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You might be from Boston if…

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  • you drink tonic.
  • you know what a bubbler is.
  • your family will disown you if you’re a Yankees fan.
  • you think there’s no life west of 495.
  • you know they’re called rotaries, not roundabouts or circles.
  • you’re considered among the worst drivers in the country.
  • you think 1-way streets are common everywhere.
  • you know what a “buckner” is.
  • there’s only 25 letters in the alphabet in your speech.
  • you know what the Big Dig is.
  • you knew Great Woods and the Garden.
  • the words “Southie” and “Eastie” have some meaning to you.
  • you know what the Beanpot is.
  • you know what nationality predominates in the North End and Eastie.
  • you consider Worcester and Springfield “cow pastures.”
  • you know what the Central Artery is.
  • you have to dial the area code just to call across the street.
  • it doesn’t surprise you to see someone talking on their cell while drinking a coffee and driving with their knees.
  • you can’t go more than a few blocks without hearing a horn beeped.
  • it’s tough to break 40 due to the city traffic but you do it anyway.
  • you know what the Monster is.
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  • You might be a Monty Python fan if... everytime you want to change the subject you say "and now for something completely different" you named your website Weasels and Spit when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you've been doing you've ever replied "I just spent four hours buryin' the cat" (and......
  • You might be watching too much anime if... Submitted from http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/4563/toomuchanime.htm you can speak intelligently in Japanese about spirits, demons, war, death, tournaments, magic, and profoundly soppy love affairs, but the prospect of buying a movie ticket leaves you tongue-tied. "hai," "baka," and "hentai" come to your lips so easily that sometimes you have difficulty remembering what the......
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  • You might be computer illiterate if... A list from 10+ years ago... you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge. there is writing on the white-out on your screen -you can't figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means :-) someone asks you how to......
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