• your “International” airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states. (Louisville “would-like-to-be” International Airport)
• the in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship.
• you live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes, but has no capacity to deal with any of the above.
• you pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you’ve heard.  (Lullvull, Luavull, Lewisville, Looeyvull…)
• you sound like a hick to a majority of people outside of Kentucky.
• you think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks.
• when you think “Kentucky” you don’t automatically think horse racing or fried chicken.
• you ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to “move.”
• you’ve ever taken a winter coat along on a day that starts out 65 degrees and sunny…   (it might get cold by afternoon)
• …or you’ve ever shovelled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.
• you’ve ever experienced a “salt storm” after a two-inch snowfall.  (seriously–there was more salt on the road than there ever was snow…)

• (More) You might be a gamer if... You've counted how many things on this list matches up with you You check out this whole list to see if they're missing anything, so that you could add your own idea Every time you don't understand something on this list, you google it or check it from Wikipedia ...And......
• If Operating Systems were Airlines If Operating Systems were Airlines DOS AIR: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, and jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the......
• You might be a biker if... going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike. your gloves don't have any fingers. you prefer to pee outside. your beer preference is BEER. you treat your leather better than your woman. you wash your bike more than you wash yourself. rock-and-roll is the only kind of......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• Lawyer Light Bulb Jokes How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company. How many contract lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? WHEREAS, the party......

• Hong Kong Jockey Club Loses Out to Glitzy Macau Casinos The 124-year-old Hong Kong Jockey Club, whose racetrack revenues are one of the secrets of the territory's economic success, is facing a decidedly modern threat: glitzy casinos being built by Las Vegas operators in nearby Macau.The new competitors are draining away at least $2.4 billion a year in potential betting......
• US Golf Team Gets Ready for the Ryder Cup The past few Ryder Cups have been a bit of an embarrassment for the US team and as the 2008 Cup draws near, the team is going through some special preparation to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Although defeat has been common at the Ryder Cup for the US......
• Del Mar: Southern California's Horse Racing Capital Southern California's Del Mar Racetrack has been is often overshadowed by East Coast venues like Churchill Downs and Belmont Park. The reality is that the 72 year old track has a history to rival their better known counterparts that includes the greatest horses and jockeys in the sport, as......
• Kentucky Derby Sports-Memorabilia -> Fan-Apparel-and-Souvenirs -> Other-Sports -> The Kentucky Derby is the first of the three thoroughbred races held in the United States each year, known collectively as the Triple Crown. The derby is the first race, the Preakness Stakes is second, and the Belmont Stakes is race number three. It’s......
• How to Invest: Growth vs. Value When it comes to investing in stocks for capital gains, there are two different approaches that can be taken in order to ensure that your stocks increase their worth: growth investing and value investing.  (There are other rationales for investing, such as investing for dividends, but for now let's stick......

Yet another e-mail forward:

• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
• How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
• There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
• While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

• ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS 1.  Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use  it. 2.  Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.  Just stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......
• You might be in the army if... *  hoah! is your answer to every question in life. (jlewis) * you make your kids pull fireguard and cq. * your family's favorite hair style is a high and tight. * you wont let your wife go to the px because the laundry room failed inspection. * you have......

• Five Simple Ways to Buy Everything Cheaper and Save Money! Ever have the urge to go shopping, but decided not to because of your tight budget?  Ever wanted to have a nice dinner with friends, family or significant other, but didn't want to break the bank? We all have the urges each and every day to live above our means.......
• Get Discounts on eBay with Microsoft Live.com Cashback A few months ago, I wrote about how I was able to save tons of money when purchasing my Christmas gifts last year using Microsoft live.com cashback on eBay. After reaching 35% off, it slowly dwindled and eventually the deal disappeared. All hope is not lost, live.com cashback has returned......
• 22 million missing Bush White House e-mails found [/caption] By PETE YOST, Associated Press Writer Pete Yost, Associated Press Writer WASHINGTON – Computer technicians have found 22 million missing White House e-mails from the administration of President George W. Bush and the Obama administration is searching for dozens more days' worth of potentially lost e-mail from the Bush......
• Poor Service Really Stinks - An Update A couple weeks ago, I had written a post of our poor experience at our favorite fine dining establishment. After all this time, I really thought our complaints fell on deaf ears.  We felt disappointed.  Was our favorite place going down the tubes? Again, we were very tactful in describing......
• The Online Home Improvement Community There are many home improvement communities around the world these days, but the one that is truly international is the online home improvement community.  This is a community that has been building for the last few years and has now come to the point where it can legitimately claim to......

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker – but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it…..
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

• You might be watching too much anime if... Submitted from http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/4563/toomuchanime.htm you can speak intelligently in Japanese about spirits, demons, war, death, tournaments, magic, and profoundly soppy love affairs, but the prospect of buying a movie ticket leaves you tongue-tied. "hai," "baka," and "hentai" come to your lips so easily that sometimes you have difficulty remembering what the......
• you might be a Sorg if.... 1. you have a big family 2. you hate when they say your name wrong like sorge or surge 3. your mother calls you your brothers or sisters names on a daily basis 4. when you go anywhere and no one has to be told what your name is they......
• (More) You might be a band geek if... ...one time, you went to band camp and came back with a girlfriend. ...you actually like wearing your marching uniform. ...you have your band director on speed dial. ...you have your band director as an emergency contact. (...but what if you're at band camp??) ...you have your high band teacher's......
• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......
• Murphy's Laws for EMS The First Law of EMS: All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time. Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat. Corollary 2: Always order food "to go". The Law of Time: 1. There is absolutely no relationship between......

• Fix Registry Errors Safely (like an Expert) With Registry Repair Software Have you ever had a virus or spyware attack? Or have you ever downloaded an innocent looking piece of software, only to end up with a vicious Trojan or dreaded worm on your computer and loads of spyware? If you do anything online you will very likely know exactly what......
• Building a Retirement Emergency Fund Let me start by saying that a retirement emergency fund is different from the "cash flow" emergency fund that Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, and many others have been counseling us all to have. Every book and article on basic personal finance cautions baby boomers and other working adults to have......
• Strategies for Obese Children - Get Rid of History Classes The number of overweight children is at an all time high and the numbers are steadily increasing. Strategies to reverse this disturbing trend must be created and put into action. One strategy would be to bring back the physical education classes that have been removed from many schools' curriculum. Instead......
• Find a Great Teen Camp by Jeff and Lonnie Lorenz Choosing the right summer activity for a teen is often more complicated than for a younger child. Yet, the rewards can be even Greater. A teenager is in the midst of an incredible growth spurt. As parents we are always looking to increase our teens......
• Save Time, Money and Space in Over 80 Ways If you're looking for handy gadgets, tools and various items that can save you time, money or space (or all three!) this list of more than 80 top products is just what you need. Everyone's got saving money on their minds these days. Some of us are always looking to......

• You might be a Canadian if... You might be a Canadian if... You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK". You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, i just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know that a mickey and......
• You might be a biker if... going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike. your gloves don't have any fingers. you prefer to pee outside. your beer preference is BEER. you treat your leather better than your woman. you wash your bike more than you wash yourself. rock-and-roll is the only kind of......
• You might be an accountant if... your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card. you refer to your child as Deduction 214 3. you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses" at the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation. you decide to change your name to a......
• You might be an Animaniacs fan if... you've tried to outdo Yakko's singing of the dictionary by singing the Encylopedia. (Lynxan) you've suspected that your successful friend might be a chicken. (Lynxan) you yell "potty emergency" every time you need to go. ( Deena ) you can sing the words to Wakko's "America"... ...or Yahoo's "World".........
• You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......