YouMightBe.com's humor lists

A collection of humor lists from user submissions and usenet postings.

You might be a teacher if…

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  • you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the way they are,” after meeting the parents.
  • you’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!”
  • …outside of the classroom.
  • you can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.
  • you believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on report cards.
  • you think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.
  • you hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.
  • your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.
  • you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
  • you correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
  • when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
  • you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
  • your correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
  • when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
  • any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.
  • you think it’s normal to go through four years of college to earn a salary that’s below the poverty line.
  • you send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public…
  • … and they go.
  • you cringe whenever someone says, “At least you give three months vacation.”
  • …or “I would love to get off work at 3.”
  • (most) people allow you to tell their child what to do.
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You might be from Wisconsin if…

Tags:

This is an old submission from around 10 years ago or more…
  • you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week.
  • you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  • you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
  • you refer to the Packers as “we.”
  • your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
  • snow tires come standard on all your cars.
  • you know what cowtipping is.
  • traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
  • you know what a bubbler is.
  • a brat is something you eat.
  • you only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
  • you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
  • your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightshirt.
  • you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
  • you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
  • you consider Madison exotic.
  • you don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
  • you were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
  • you go out for fish fry every Friday.
  • you know what to do with a Blatz.
  • you can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
  • you know how to polka.
  • you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
  • at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  • you know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.
  • you can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.
  • you’ve seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
  • the local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports. you drink soda and refer to your dad as “pop.”
  • formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
  • your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  • you find 0 degrees a little chilly.
  • you actually understand these jokes.
  • you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.
  • “Down South” to you means Chicago…
  • your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar…
  • at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm…
  • you can identify a Michigan accent…
  • you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike…
  • traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee…
  • the “Big Three” means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR
  • you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday…
  • the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do…
  • your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce…
  • you think there should be a “FIB go home” bumper sticker on every car north of Madison…
  • a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer…
  • you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts…
  • when you tell someone where you are from and they say: ‘I thought that was part of Canada…
  • your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July…
  • you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions…..
  • every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.
  • FFA was the most popular club in high school. (That’s Future Farmers of America to the rest of you.)
  • you have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.
  • the town you grew up in had a bar called Ma’s Place.
  • cheese is an important staple in your diet.
  • there was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning…phew!
  • you have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.
  • you know how to pronounce “brat”.
  • you loved it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer.
  • Sunday morning at church involves lots of coffee, JellO molds and danish.
  • Country Kitchen was the place to meet after the party. (or Perkins )
  • you know someone who can use “ja, der hey” in a sentence.
  • your school lost half their student body during deer season.
  • at every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
  • you ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.
  • you know it’s traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
  • you own at least one cheese head.
  • Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game!
  • you have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.
  • you have been to at least one house party on Johnson Street in Madison.
  • you get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it “Wesconsin”.
  • your high school class went to the Pabst Theater to see “A Christmas Carol”.
  • you thought everyone drank from “bubblers”.
  • you went to the local tavern on Friday night for Fish Fry.
  • you have drank “white soda” (ie 7Up, Sprite, etc).
  • you have experienced snow storms in April.
  • you have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.
  • you know what a “flatlander” is and you know all the “why Wisconsin is better than Illinois” jokes.
  • you get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play “On Wisconsin”.
  • you believe that Badgers will always beat Gophers.
  • The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are.
  • you have been to a “BoDeans” concert.
  • you have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana,German Fest, Irish Fest or all of the above.
  • you or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.
  • you have gone out of your way to eat ice cream at Gilles’ or Kopp’s.
  • Goodyear Tire on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas
  • driving is better in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow
  • sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
  • the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  • you head south to go to your cottage.
  • the trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.
  • you play hockey outdoors 10 months a year.
  • you can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.
  • you were offended by the movie Fargo.
  • your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers .
  • you’ve seen a hodag.
  • you know that Gotham is a real city.
  • your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
  • Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive in a giant beer mug.
  • you tried to tap the Worlds Largest Six Pack.
  • you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
  • you have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
  • you define swimming season as Labor Day weekend..
  • you know where the city of Waunakee is AND can pronounce it
  • you have more fishing poles than teeth.
  • you’ve taken your kids trickortreating in a blizzard
  • you know which leaves make good toilet paper
  • your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus
  • you define Summer as three months of bad sledding…
  • you got a passport to go to Minnesota…
  • you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend…
  • your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
  • you can identify an Illinois accent.
  • you know where Oconomowoc is AND can pronounce and spell it.

A couple other places I found:

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