• going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike.
• your gloves don’t have any fingers.
• you prefer to pee outside.
• your beer preference is BEER.
• you treat your leather better than your woman.
• you wash your bike more than you wash yourself.
• rock-and-roll is the only kind of music.
• you think Jack Daniels is your best friend.
• you ride instead of walk down the aisle.
• you pass out with a beer in your hand without spilling a drop, and finish drinking it when you wake up in the morning.

• You might be a bad customer if... you instruct the bartender on how to make a drink because, very loudly, you explain "That's how they make them at MY country club." Then you wait to receive your .19 cents in change and don't tip. you go into a convenience store and buy a pack of gum......
• You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......
• You might be a caffeine addict if... you think sleep is for the weak.  you've just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o'clock, just so "the milk doesn't go bad over the weekend" (Naz) you believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable. you have a website......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• Your band might be a sell-out if... Your band might be a sell-out if..... 1. Music you wrote and recorded is constantly heard on top 40 radio. 2. You see yourself on MTV more than once a week. 3. You have more female fans than male fans. 4. You went to a mall and saw at least......
• You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......

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An oldie from the first days of YouMightBe.com…

• you spend so much money on beanies that you can’t afford beans.
• you tease your grandmother about being addicted to her online bingo games as you transfer money into your new Beanie Baby checking account (because it just ”makes it easier”).
• you kick out your grandmother so the beanies can have their own room.
• someone asks you how many kids you have, and you answer, “1030… but some are doubles.” ( SlipStream )
• whenever McDonalds has Beanies, you run from one McDonalds to another just to get the full set. ( Michele )
• you hold up the line at McDonald’s for twelve minutes and seventeen seconds arguing with the cashier who says they are of a particular beanie baby.
• you knock over 5 old people just trying to reach the beanie aisle.
• you actually consider sleeping with that teenage cashier at McDonalds just so you can get all of the stupid things. (Visitor Submission)
• if you and your coworkers take turns faking sick so that you can be in line to purchase the newest Beanie Babies… (Trippin’ Daisy)
• On Beanie Babies day at the ballpark you take 30 kids, pay for all their tickets, and require them to give their Beanie Babies to you after you go through the gate (actually happened). (Japkin)
• you’ve ever assaulted someone just so you could have first pick of the beanie babies.
• whenever McDonald’s has them, everyone in the house gets a Happy Meal.

• You might be from Wisconsin if... This is an old submission from around 10 years ago or more... you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week. you have more miles on your snowblower than your car. you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car. you refer to the Packers as......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• You might be in the army if... *  hoah! is your answer to every question in life. (jlewis) * you make your kids pull fireguard and cq. * your family's favorite hair style is a high and tight. * you wont let your wife go to the px because the laundry room failed inspection. * you have......
• You might be a teacher if... you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way they are," after meeting the parents. you've ever said "Put that gum on your nose!" ...outside of the classroom. you can't have children because there is no name you can think......
• You might be a cheapskate if... I'm wondering if this was submitted by a soon-to-be ex-wife: You might be a cheapskate if...... 1. You concentrate on lowest prices than quality of an item. 2. You've ever went Christmas shopping at Goodwill. 3. You bought your wife her anniversary present at a yard sale. 4. Your brand......
• You might be from Boston if... you drink tonic. you know what a bubbler is. your family will disown you if you're a Yankees fan. you think there's no life west of 495. you know they're called rotaries, not roundabouts or circles. you're considered among the worst drivers in the country. you think 1-way streets......

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• you instruct the bartender on how to make a drink because, very loudly, you explain “That’s how they make them at MY country club.” Then you wait to receive your .19 cents in change and don’t tip.
• you go into a convenience store and buy a pack of gum with a $100 bill then get mad if the cashier can’t give you the right change.
• you insist that it’s the cashiers job to tell you where the coupon is and have them tear it out for you, then complain to the manager when they don’t comply (and yes this happens almost daily…) ( Sin )
• you try on the lingerie without any undergarments, and ask the sales associate to give you feedback. (Angela Edwards)
• you call employees by their first name just because they wear a name tag. ( TiffanyC )
• you insist that lines don’t pertain to you and proceed to push past everyone else to get to the head of the line, because *you’re* the special one. ( apostrophess )
• you escort people out of line for having 11 items in the “10 items or less” lane.
• you walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don’t decide for another 30 minutes.
• you yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are. ( janicexxwxx )
• you *return* the coffee because it’s too hot. ( Jorge D )
• you order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
• you ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one. (Dave Tibbs)
• you get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven’t sold one in over 20 years. (Dave Tibbs)
• if you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20 
• you have to separate transactions for two 2/$1.00 candy bars (but then how would I know how much they are apiece?)
• you think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
• you ask for a bag, big printed receipt, etc, when you feel you have been overcharged for something because you want to get the most out of the company. (Dave Tibbs)
• You can’t read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you’re right and all the employees are wrong.
• While standing in front of the huge of TVs, you ask a salesman, “Is this all the TVs you have?” (Melissa R.)
• You dare ask for a discount at a restaraunt because your kids didn’t like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor (this realy happened) (Melissa R.)
• you chew out the manager of the local McDonald’s for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.
• you pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)

• You might be taking the beanie babies thing too far if... An oldie from the first days of YouMightBe.com... you spend so much money on beanies that you can't afford beans. you tease your grandmother about being addicted to her online bingo games as you transfer money into your new Beanie Baby checking account (because it just "makes it easier"). you kick out your grandmother so......
• Random thoughts Yet another e-mail forward: I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only......
• You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
• You might be a teacher if... you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way they are," after meeting the parents. you've ever said "Put that gum on your nose!" ...outside of the classroom. you can't have children because there is no name you can think......
• You might be a coffee snob if... -you heat the coffee mug before pouring your coffee -you brew your own coffee at work -...from fresh ground whole beans -...stored in a climate and humidity-controlled environment -...in your own coffee maker -you refuse to patronize Starbucks since they simplified their daytime brew offering. -...and you know the name......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......

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• you call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make cole slaw. (Geet)
• you look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.
• the smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove. (Marc R)
• you turn the bowl of rice casserole upside down and nothing gets spilled. (Allronix)
• it takes a hammer and chisel to remove said casserole from the dish. (Allronix)
• your family buys Pepto and Tums in bulk. (Allronix)
• the microwave display reads “TILT!” (Allronix)
• you open your dishwasher after living in your house for two years and the plastic is still in it.
• when you BBQ the kids won’t come outside, instead they stand inside the screen door watching you. (Brenda)
• …three of them hold water guns and the 4th has the phone with 911 on speed-dial. (Brenda)
• the last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire. ( homerunking24@hotmail.com )
• your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven. ( kecia, kecia28@hotmail.com )
• you make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the surprise is that it glows in the dark! (Kecia)
• your homemade bread loaf can be used as a door stop. (Lisa)
• you can use your overcooked food as a weapon.
• your food melts plastic and silverware. ( phyr@jlink.net )
• the dog goes to the neighbors’ to eat.
• all your baked goods have the names “asphalt” or “Hockey puck.”
• you’ve ever cooked a broccoli casserole and forgot to add the broccoli.
• if you cook the leftover cut-outs of a jack-o-lantern. (Justin)
• there are bones in your toast. (Amon-Ra)
• all you cook seems to be left overs. (Amon-Ra)
• the judges in the Beverly Hills Bake-off vote for Elly May Clampett’s biscuits over yours. ( S. Hammond)
• the leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter. ( S. Hammond )
• your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a firetruck siren. ( S. Hammond )
• those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy christmas cookies. ( S. Hammond )
• you used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won’t let go of the pan! ( S. Hammond )
• you’ve ever burned through the bottom of a pan while cooking. ( S. Hammond )
• you forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heatwave and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better. ( S. Hammond )
• the EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red ‘biohazard’ symbols. ( S. Hammond )
• you refer to flour moth larvae as ‘a little extra free protein.’ ( S. Hammond )
• anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade yougurt. ( S. Hammond )
• your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like. ( S. Hammond )
• you tell them that the grey fuzzy stuff on top of it ‘is good for them.’ ( S. Hammond )
• if you avoid the hassle of having to ever reseason your cast iron skillet by always leaving the remains of the last thing you cooked in there for ‘flavor.’ (Remember that Star Trek episode, ‘Mudd’s Women’?) ( S. Hammond )
• you hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew.
• there’s no such thing as an unusable leftover. ( S. Hammond )
• you know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off. (Scott Smith)
• you really have messed up a salad.
• the family pets are no where to be found during dinner
• around dinnertime, the family seems really interested in going to that restaurant that always has trouble passing the health inspection.
• you have cooked dishes that are more appetizing after two months in the back of the fridge.

• 66+ signs you've been in the [marching] band too long Started by: Lori Dyer When you hear music and you start marking time. When you walk behind someone and you're in step with them. When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song. When all your friends are in the band. When you don't mind changing clothes on......
• You might be a Fear Factor addict if... You might be a fear factor addict if... You say grace like this: In 3...2...1...GO! You can recite Joe's disclaimer at the beginning (the stunts you're about to see...) You've ever cooked with worms you've actually tried to jump from building to building. You're used to the taste of buffalo's......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• You might be a classic rock fan if... You might be a classic rock fan if... 1. You can identify every guitar you see by make and model. 2. You have season passes to the rock and roll hall of fame. 3. You've restored and STILL run your black 1970 Challenger with flames on the side,complete with 8-Track......
• You might be Filipino if... you don't see a problem with spaghetti [with sauce], white rice, and fried chicken on the same plate. you take brownies to non-Filipino potluck dinners. you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale. you say kutex instead of nail polish. you are stumped when asked what kind......

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