*  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? )
* you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen )
* you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it didn’t cost you a thing. (Karen, KarenW )
* you sniff your underwear to see if you can get by just one more day without doing the wash. ( Lisa, demick )
* you actually use the following link: How to Get a date
* your refrigerator is packed full of tupperware dishes filled with molded smelly food because you just don’t want to wash them. ( Lisa, demick )
* you’ve bought the Ziploc disposable plasticware so that you won’t have to wash containers with molded food.
* you open a food container in the frige to see what it is but can’t, and then you smell it and it knocks you unconscious. ( Lisa, demick )
* the only thing that snuggles next to you in bed is your dog and/or cat. (Lisa)
* you actually have money in your savings account. (Lisa)
* you bought clean guest towels 3 years ago and they are still hanging up, unused. (Lisa)

* you haven’t cooked in so long you’ve forgotten where things are in your kitchen and what buttons to use on the stove.
* you own a home, but behave like an apartment dweller ( pazmenot )
* you’ve often wondered how many empty pizza boxes constitutes a collection. ( sdali )
* the only kitchen appliance you know how to use is the microwave. ( Jorge D. )
* you have a disproportionate number of plastic utensils and paper plates vs. real silverware and plates.
* you haven’t eaten a meal at home that wasn’t in a disposable container.
* you don’t know how to take out the trash. (tman399 )

* you have to look to see how clean your apartment is and not how full your calendar is to decide when to go out on a date. (Barbie, ValleGrly )
* you smell your clothes to see if you can wear them (again). (Barbie)
* you can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.
* you buy a really big trashcan for the kitchen so you don’t have to take it out as often.
* you amuse yourself by lobbing beercans so that they bounce off the wall before hitting aforementioned trash can.
* it takes you ten minutes every six months to buy new clothes (Let’s see, I’m out of jeans, white T-shirts, black T-shirts, and socks..)
* you don’t feel compelled to wear underwear unless you have a date that night.
* you car gets waxed more often than the toilet gets cleaned. (People clean toilets?)
* you belch and fart in public without apologizing. (Bert van Viegen, viegen )
* you turn your socks and underwear inside out so you can wear them twice as long. (Laura Goodwin, LaLaura )
* you have the pizza place on speed dial. (Matt Duxbury, autobahn )
* instead of cleaning for guests, you just keep the lights low. (Matt D.)
* paper towels double as dishes. (Matt D.)
* BEER is the freshest item in the fridge. (Matt D.)
* …beer is the ONLY item in the fridge.
* you never listen to your messages when a female is around (Matt D.)
* your entire house is trashed except for you entertainment center, which you lovingly polish every day (Amy R.).
* If cooking anything longer than five minutes is a waste of time (Marc L., glumarc )
* The last time you cleaned the house was when you moved in (Marc L.)
* A dress shirt is “fine” if it only has one or two wrinkles in it (Marc L.)
* You think you left your tie on the nightstand…or was it the closet? (Marc L.)
* You don’t feel guilty about leaving the lid up (Marc L.)

• You might be a cat lover if... your cat has a Twitter account. ...and tweets more often than you. ...and you @mention your cat in your own tweets. you cut your after-work activities short just so you can get home to see your cat. you dare not move a muscle when kitty falls asleep at your......
• You might be a child of the 80s if... You might be an child of the 80s if... 1. You are more in love with New Kids On The Block than N'Sync. 2. Shopping is still your favorite past-time. 3. Rambo is still your hero. 4. You own every single Rocky film on DVD. 5. You love to shop......
• You might be a runner if... the pain of not running is greater than the pain of running. you actually read a novel about running... and its sequel. Inspired by: http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?board=1&id=9545&thread=9545 ...your toenails are black. ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does. ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name......
• You might be a bad cook if... you call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make cole slaw. (Geet) you look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water. the smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove. (Marc R) you turn the bowl of rice casserole upside......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• You might be a bad customer if... you instruct the bartender on how to make a drink because, very loudly, you explain "That's how they make them at MY country club." Then you wait to receive your .19 cents in change and don't tip. you go into a convenience store and buy a pack of gum......

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*  hoah! is your answer to every question in life. (jlewis)
* you make your kids pull fireguard and cq.
* your family’s favorite hair style is a high and tight.
* you wont let your wife go to the px because the laundry room failed inspection.
* you have a perimeter set up around your house that even rambo wouldn’t want to full with.
* your kids weekend pass status is determined by their pt scores.
* you see no problem with wearing BDU’s to church.
* “lights out” is at 2100 hrs every night.
* you make your kids fill out a sick call slip when they stay home from school.
* smoking has two meanings for you.
* your kids can do the 15 count inspection arms in their sleep.
* From JumpinKerkie:
o you place sector stakes on the front porch.
o when camping, your family must dig a defelade for your RV.
o your kids must clear housing when they leave for college.
o your baby’s first words are “All ok, Jumpmaster!”
o your kids must perform ten pull-ups before entering the dining room.
o your wife’s favorite lipstick colors are loam and light green.
o your car is held together by 550 cord.
o you refer to your son as Boy, Steven Type, 1 Each.
o all of your kids sentences contain at least 7 F words.
* From Ray:
o when “dig in and do the work” really means DIG.
o when “We are in this togather” means you go first.
o when “We will Win easily” means you go first.
o when “understrenth enemy” means you go first.
o when “Victory is near” means you go first.
o when “Rations have arrived” you go last.
* From Kyle:
o you think it is perfectly normal to jump out of an airplane at 800 ft. at 2 in the morning
o you say to your wife “what’s for chow” or “honey that was real good chow”
o any kids in your neighborhood wear a beret when they go out to play
o edge the sidewalk in front of your house with an E-Tool
o your nicest set of clothes is your “Class A’s”
o you cut the grass in a set of jungle boots, Army PT shirt, and cut off BDUs.
o you dread someone saying “I’m from the IG and I’m help.”
* From Miranda:
o everytime you hang up the phone you say “Out” instead of “Bye.”
o you have more sets of BDUs than civilian clothes.
o you annoy your family with your favorite cadences.
o your dog’s name is Ranger.
o you look forward to getting your clothing allowance each year so you can actually shop a little.
o you own more pairs of combat boots than all of your shoes combined.
o you spend your spare time polishing your boots.
o you go bowling with your buddies and as each person goes you yell, “Fire in the hole!!”
o you view going to the field as a camping vacation from work.
o your family eats MREs.
o your family thinks nothing’s wrong when you’ve been gone for at least a month.
o you think waking up at 7am in sleeping in.
o your family’s best friends are in the Army too.
o you can’t tell your parents what you do for a living because it’s classified.
o you jump for joy when you have a few extra bucks after paying the bills so you can get groceries.
o you tell little kids playing hide-and-seek that it would work better in BDUs.
o your stomach can’t handle “real food” anymore, only MREs and T-Rats.
o you can’t understand the fascination people have with being able to drive HUM-Vs around and playing with guns.

• 66+ signs you've been in the [marching] band too long Started by: Lori Dyer When you hear music and you start marking time. When you walk behind someone and you're in step with them. When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song. When all your friends are in the band. When you don't mind changing clothes on......
• You might be a Broadway musical lover if... You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can't help, but to sing the rest of the song. You know all the dance steps. You do all the Dance steps. and sing, You don't care who......
• You know you're from Ohio if... You know you're from Ohio if... -You don't think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami. -You snicker when someone's from Tiffin, because you think of the State Hospital. -You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! -You've heard of 3.2% beer. -Schools close for the state basketball......
• You might be Irish if... You might be Irish if... --There are a statue of the Blessed Virgin AND a Celtic cross AND a leprechaun in your garden. --At least one brother and more than one male cousin have Patrick as a first or a middle name, or at least one sister and more than......
• You might be a runner if... the pain of not running is greater than the pain of running. you actually read a novel about running... and its sequel. Inspired by: http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?board=1&id=9545&thread=9545 ...your toenails are black. ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does. ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name......
• Random thoughts Yet another e-mail forward: I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only......

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