*  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? )
* you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen )
* you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it didn’t cost you a thing. (Karen, KarenW )
* you sniff your underwear to see if you can get by just one more day without doing the wash. ( Lisa, demick )
* you actually use the following link: How to Get a date
* your refrigerator is packed full of tupperware dishes filled with molded smelly food because you just don’t want to wash them. ( Lisa, demick )
* you’ve bought the Ziploc disposable plasticware so that you won’t have to wash containers with molded food.
* you open a food container in the frige to see what it is but can’t, and then you smell it and it knocks you unconscious. ( Lisa, demick )
* the only thing that snuggles next to you in bed is your dog and/or cat. (Lisa)
* you actually have money in your savings account. (Lisa)
* you bought clean guest towels 3 years ago and they are still hanging up, unused. (Lisa)

* you haven’t cooked in so long you’ve forgotten where things are in your kitchen and what buttons to use on the stove.
* you own a home, but behave like an apartment dweller ( pazmenot )
* you’ve often wondered how many empty pizza boxes constitutes a collection. ( sdali )
* the only kitchen appliance you know how to use is the microwave. ( Jorge D. )
* you have a disproportionate number of plastic utensils and paper plates vs. real silverware and plates.
* you haven’t eaten a meal at home that wasn’t in a disposable container.
* you don’t know how to take out the trash. (tman399 )

* you have to look to see how clean your apartment is and not how full your calendar is to decide when to go out on a date. (Barbie, ValleGrly )
* you smell your clothes to see if you can wear them (again). (Barbie)
* you can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.
* you buy a really big trashcan for the kitchen so you don’t have to take it out as often.
* you amuse yourself by lobbing beercans so that they bounce off the wall before hitting aforementioned trash can.
* it takes you ten minutes every six months to buy new clothes (Let’s see, I’m out of jeans, white T-shirts, black T-shirts, and socks..)
* you don’t feel compelled to wear underwear unless you have a date that night.
* you car gets waxed more often than the toilet gets cleaned. (People clean toilets?)
* you belch and fart in public without apologizing. (Bert van Viegen, viegen )
* you turn your socks and underwear inside out so you can wear them twice as long. (Laura Goodwin, LaLaura )
* you have the pizza place on speed dial. (Matt Duxbury, autobahn )
* instead of cleaning for guests, you just keep the lights low. (Matt D.)
* paper towels double as dishes. (Matt D.)
* BEER is the freshest item in the fridge. (Matt D.)
* …beer is the ONLY item in the fridge.
* you never listen to your messages when a female is around (Matt D.)
* your entire house is trashed except for you entertainment center, which you lovingly polish every day (Amy R.).
* If cooking anything longer than five minutes is a waste of time (Marc L., glumarc )
* The last time you cleaned the house was when you moved in (Marc L.)
* A dress shirt is “fine” if it only has one or two wrinkles in it (Marc L.)
* You think you left your tie on the nightstand…or was it the closet? (Marc L.)
* You don’t feel guilty about leaving the lid up (Marc L.)

• Lawyer Light Bulb Jokes How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company. How many contract lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? WHEREAS, the party......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......
• If operating systems ran your car. Posted to: alt.folklore.computers From: David Zykin Date: Thurs, Nov 3 1994 3:02 am MS-DOS:  You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys. Windows:  You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is......
• You might be a band geek if... during concert season you wish you where out on the field. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you can be found before school, at lunch, and after school down in front of the band room with all the other band members. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you spend more time in the......

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*  hoah! is your answer to every question in life. (jlewis)
* you make your kids pull fireguard and cq.
* your family’s favorite hair style is a high and tight.
* you wont let your wife go to the px because the laundry room failed inspection.
* you have a perimeter set up around your house that even rambo wouldn’t want to full with.
* your kids weekend pass status is determined by their pt scores.
* you see no problem with wearing BDU’s to church.
* “lights out” is at 2100 hrs every night.
* you make your kids fill out a sick call slip when they stay home from school.
* smoking has two meanings for you.
* your kids can do the 15 count inspection arms in their sleep.
* From JumpinKerkie:
o you place sector stakes on the front porch.
o when camping, your family must dig a defelade for your RV.
o your kids must clear housing when they leave for college.
o your baby’s first words are “All ok, Jumpmaster!”
o your kids must perform ten pull-ups before entering the dining room.
o your wife’s favorite lipstick colors are loam and light green.
o your car is held together by 550 cord.
o you refer to your son as Boy, Steven Type, 1 Each.
o all of your kids sentences contain at least 7 F words.
* From Ray:
o when “dig in and do the work” really means DIG.
o when “We are in this togather” means you go first.
o when “We will Win easily” means you go first.
o when “understrenth enemy” means you go first.
o when “Victory is near” means you go first.
o when “Rations have arrived” you go last.
* From Kyle:
o you think it is perfectly normal to jump out of an airplane at 800 ft. at 2 in the morning
o you say to your wife “what’s for chow” or “honey that was real good chow”
o any kids in your neighborhood wear a beret when they go out to play
o edge the sidewalk in front of your house with an E-Tool
o your nicest set of clothes is your “Class A’s”
o you cut the grass in a set of jungle boots, Army PT shirt, and cut off BDUs.
o you dread someone saying “I’m from the IG and I’m help.”
* From Miranda:
o everytime you hang up the phone you say “Out” instead of “Bye.”
o you have more sets of BDUs than civilian clothes.
o you annoy your family with your favorite cadences.
o your dog’s name is Ranger.
o you look forward to getting your clothing allowance each year so you can actually shop a little.
o you own more pairs of combat boots than all of your shoes combined.
o you spend your spare time polishing your boots.
o you go bowling with your buddies and as each person goes you yell, “Fire in the hole!!”
o you view going to the field as a camping vacation from work.
o your family eats MREs.
o your family thinks nothing’s wrong when you’ve been gone for at least a month.
o you think waking up at 7am in sleeping in.
o your family’s best friends are in the Army too.
o you can’t tell your parents what you do for a living because it’s classified.
o you jump for joy when you have a few extra bucks after paying the bills so you can get groceries.
o you tell little kids playing hide-and-seek that it would work better in BDUs.
o your stomach can’t handle “real food” anymore, only MREs and T-Rats.
o you can’t understand the fascination people have with being able to drive HUM-Vs around and playing with guns.

• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• You might be watching too much anime if... Submitted from http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/4563/toomuchanime.htm you can speak intelligently in Japanese about spirits, demons, war, death, tournaments, magic, and profoundly soppy love affairs, but the prospect of buying a movie ticket leaves you tongue-tied. "hai," "baka," and "hentai" come to your lips so easily that sometimes you have difficulty remembering what the......
• You might be a high school freshman if... You might be a freshman in highschool if... 1. You sign up for every club available. 2. You make a point of dressing like and acting like the social group you wish to infiltrate... 3. ...and habitually walk by their "spot" an average of 12.5694 times each lunch... 4. ...buying......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......

• Save Time, Money and Space in Over 80 Ways If you're looking for handy gadgets, tools and various items that can save you time, money or space (or all three!) this list of more than 80 top products is just what you need. Everyone's got saving money on their minds these days. Some of us are always looking to......
• Speed Up Your Boot © - It is Amazingly Simple! Your pc isn't running as fast as it used to be? Well, there are few steps you can take in order to speed up your boot, but, there is even an easier way to do that which won't require you to have any special knowledge or require you to......
• How to Freshen Up Your Bathroom Most of us go to the bathroom to freshen up, but there are a few easy tips you can use to freshen up the entire room. If your bathroom is getting a little boring, or you’re just sick of how it looks, these tips will help you save money and......