The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem…except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other–
that is, until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you ~
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “Go to hell.”

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

• You might be a Broadway musical lover if... You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can't help, but to sing the rest of the song. You know all the dance steps. You do all the Dance steps. and sing, You don't care who......
• You might be a child of the 80s if... You might be an child of the 80s if... 1. You are more in love with New Kids On The Block than N'Sync. 2. Shopping is still your favorite past-time. 3. Rambo is still your hero. 4. You own every single Rocky film on DVD. 5. You love to shop......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• You might be anal-retentive if... you eat the M&Ms in color order. you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper. From Miranda: you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size. you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and......
• 66+ signs you've been in the [marching] band too long Started by: Lori Dyer When you hear music and you start marking time. When you walk behind someone and you're in step with them. When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song. When all your friends are in the band. When you don't mind changing clothes on......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......

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• your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
• you refer to your child as Deduction 214 3.
• you deduct Exlax as “Moving expenses”
• at the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.
• you decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline “==========”
• you had no idea that GAP was also a clothing store
• you consider it normal not to see your spouse or children from February to April 15th. (Laura Cole)
• you’ve ever made a joke about a double-entry bookkeeping method. (Alicat )
• you know what the acronym MACRS stands for. (Alicat)
• you have a petty cash box at home and actually refer to it as such (Amy R.).

• You might be a Monty Python fan if... everytime you want to change the subject you say "and now for something completely different" you named your website Weasels and Spit when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you've been doing you've ever replied "I just spent four hours buryin' the cat" (and......
• You might be from Wisconsin if... This is an old submission from around 10 years ago or more... you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week. you have more miles on your snowblower than your car. you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car. you refer to the Packers as......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• You might be a Foursquare addict if... you patronize new places that you have no interest in just because you get more points. you volunteer to go to the mall with your significant other because of the travel bonus for each of the 20 shops you'll hit. and you're really hoping for that overshare badge this......
• You might be a Broadway musical lover if... You hear a phrase and can tell which musical it came from. You hear a sentence in a song, and you can't help, but to sing the rest of the song. You know all the dance steps. You do all the Dance steps. and sing, You don't care who......

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• you eat the M&Ms in color order.
• you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper.
• From Miranda:
  • you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size.
  • you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and use.
  • and they’re all facing the front.
  • all you books, CDs, and movies have to be alphabetical order.
• you require no less than 200 threads per inch on your sheets. (Peggy)
• …and they are tucked so tightly that you really could bounce a quarter on them.
• you alphabetize your spices. ( Bert )
• you actually bother trying to convince someone that the 3rd millenium hasn’t begun yet (or that it *has* begun).
• you organize your closet by color, season, and fabric. ( Jennifer )
• you flame every person who sent you email because the emails weren’t spelled correctly or gramatically correct.
• you remove the tires to wash inside the wheel-wells of your vehicle. (Pat)
• you collect the little postcards in magazine issues…
• …for recycling.
• every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker…
• …and you correct the original message.
• you’re on a “calorie-counting” diet and you count the calories in the hot sauce on your “Big Beef Burrito Supreme”
• you fold up take-out food wrappers and neatly place them in a package before throwing it in the trash.

• You might be a caffeine addict if... you think sleep is for the weak.  you've just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o'clock, just so "the milk doesn't go bad over the weekend" (Naz) you believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable. you have a website......
• You might be making your coworkers uncomfortable if... (See also Grumpy Coworker) you ask your black coworkers why their people are always trying to keep the white man down. you openly discuss your menstrual cycle. If someone points out the fact that you're a man, bring them up on sexual harassment charges. you push your desk away from......
• You might be a teacher if... you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way they are," after meeting the parents. you've ever said "Put that gum on your nose!" ...outside of the classroom. you can't have children because there is no name you can think......
• You might be a New Yorker if... you know what "call you for it" or "choose you for it" means. you get scared when a stranger randomly starts up a conversation with you. you can't stand leaving the city because people everywhere else are so nice, it's annoying. you curse....a lot. you believe that if you're......
• You might be a Trekkie if... you've been to KLI.org . ...you created the KLI.org site . ...you've submitted corrections to KLI.org . you actually know that the prime directive isn't "to boldly go where no man has gone before" and what it actually is. you know who Barkeley is and what happened to him. you're......
• You might be from Los Angeles if... This list is from the mid-90s as obvious from the third item... you know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm. getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes". EVERYONE you know owns a pager and/or cell......

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