Two (un)romantic poems

The following are entries to a contest by The   Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic  poem…except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line  was romantic.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful  wife:
Marrying you screwed up my  life.

2. I see your face when I am  dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up  screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and  hot;
This describes everything you  are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be  bliss,
But I only slept with  you because I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no  other–
that  is, until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar  is sweet, and so are you ~
But the roses are  wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar  bowl’s empty and so is your  head.

7. I want to feel your sweet  embrace
But don’t take that  paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your  eyes
Damn, I’m  good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath  away.
What have you stepped  in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can  tell,
Except for maybe “Go to  hell.”

11. What inspired this amorous  rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part  lime.