YouMightBe.com’s humor lists

You know you’re from Ohio if…
-You don’t think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami.
-You snicker when someone’s from Tiffin, because you think of the State Hospital.
-You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!
-You’ve heard of 3.2% beer.
-Schools close for the state basketball tournament. Deer season, too.
-You’re proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.
-You know all the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
-You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
-You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
-”Toward the lake” means “north” and “toward the river” means “south.”
-You’ve heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.
-You know if other Ohioians are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.
-You root for a college team though you’ve never taken a class there.
-You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,and Tuscarawas Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in “Cincinnati.”
-You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.
-You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes.
-You know what game they’re playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.
-”Vacation” means spending a day at Cedar Point or King’s Island.
-You measure distance in minutes.
-Down south to you means Kentucky.
-Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
-Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
-You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
-You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
-You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.
-You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: “Where’s my coat at?”
-You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
-You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
-You carry jumper cables in your car.
-You know what pop is.
-You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
-Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
-You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
-The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
-You think that deer season is a national holiday.
-You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
-You thought that the Michael Stanley Band was the most popular band in the country.
-You’re still reading this.

You know what Malfunction Junction is.
You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave.
Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst.
you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer
you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy
you can cook any thing on a propane grill
you think the $6000 total home generator is reasonable
you’ve ever been to the beach in January
you’ve ever seen an alligator on a golf course
you know the score of the last five UF and FSU football games
you own a puka shell necklace
you consider laying out a sport
senior adults outnumber teenagers 50 to 1 in your town
you call ditches, “canals”
you know a really good shark attack story
your city doubles in size every winter
you think everybody wears shorts and a t-shirt at Christmas
you can tell the difference in an orange tree and a grapefruit tree
you’ve heard tales of a fluffy white substance some people call “snow”
you own a hurricane tracking map
6 feet tall rodents wearing clothes are a common sight
you consider it cold when the temperature drops below 80 degrees
you hear “Orange County” and you think of Orlando, not L.A.
you own a surfboard or know someone who does
you know a homemade cure for sunburn
you’ve ever broken into a sweat walking from your front door to your car . . . in February
you demand a recount
you have a palm tree in your yard
the best restaurants in town have names like Crusty’s or Fat Boy’s
you know where a shuffle board court is located
you hear “casual attire” and think board shorts and a tank top
you own more than one pair of flip flops
you own a “good” pair of flip flops
you never leave home without your sunglasses and your umbrella
you’ve ever gone to the beach on your lunch break
you always carry a swimsuit in your car, just in case
your “winter coat” is known as a wind breaker in other parts of the country
the only suit you own is a wet suit

You might be from New Jersey if…
-you know what “Quick Check” is
-you hang out at said “Quick Check” in the parking lot with your friends doing absoutely nothing and talking about what you are going to do to your car next so you can drag race it better.
-you lock your car doors even in small towns
-you are desperately wanting to leave the state to go anywhere else and when you do, find you really miss it.
-you own any kind of “hooked up” car
-you know what “hooked up” means
-you know where/what Shades of Death road is
-you have been to Shades of Death road
-you have heard of Shades of Death road
-you know where/what Ghost Lake is
-you have been to Ghost Lake
-you have heard of Ghost Lake
-you have walked across Ghost Lake in the middle of winter at dusk
-you have been kicked out of any diner for hanging out there too much
-you have been told by a cop that it is your job to drool over a nice Mustang or Camaro so you won’t be kicked out of the “Quick Check” parking lot
-you can’t get your nice drag racing car inspected because of New Jersey’s strict emissions tests.
-even after moving to California you are shocked when you find out you actually have to get off the freeway to get into the K-Mart parking lot…
-you think Jughandles and Traffic circles is the cure for all of California’s traffic problems.
-after moving to California you get lost on a side street approaching a freeway interchange because the overpass bridge is ahead and not to the right or left.
-you get mad when your California friends complain that it took 2 whole years to build a 40 mile long freeway, and tell them all about Interstate 287.
-you know what the blue law was, and on Sundays drove to Nanuet NY to shop.
-the schools celebrated Halloween, Christmas, and Hannukah.
-you knew the whole story of Molly Pitcher and the Jersey Devil.
-you understood all the stuff about hooked up cars and quick check but not ghost lake, so you ran for your back copies of “Weird NJ” magazine to find out what it was.
-you can taste the difference in a pizza that isn’t from jersey.
-you lapse into spanglish but have no hispanic heritage.
-screw what everyone else says, it’s taylor ham, NOT pork roll.
-you know at least five people who have a shore house *NOT a beach house*.
-you sit back and wait at a gas station *after waiting 2 years longer than everyone else to drive legally after midnight*.
-your parents tear up talking about how great asbury park “used to be”.
-you kow at least three people or places shown on “the sopranos”.
-you live within twenty minutes of at least three malls.

You might be from Michigan if…
1. You’re in a foul mood for days if the Red Wings loose a game.
2. You know what Greenfield Village is.
3. You party in Canada on the weekends.
4. You wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees out.
5. You don’t find sleeping under the head of a deer disturbing at all.
6. Getting a new winter coat is a huge deal.
7. It’s POP!!!! NOT SODA!!!
8. You drag out “a”’s. (Say bathroom)
9. Ohio is down south.
10. You freak out when someone tells you they’ve never been to Cedar Point.
11. You go to White Castle more than McDonalds.
12. You see snow more than sun.