1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker - but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it…..
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

• You might be a Canadian if... You might be a Canadian if... You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK". You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, i just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know that a mickey and......
• If operating systems ran your car. Posted to: alt.folklore.computers From: David Zykin Date: Thurs, Nov 3 1994 3:02 am MS-DOS:  You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys. Windows:  You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is......
• Operating Systems for Your Brain If your brain required an operating system like your computer does, what would it be like? Windows for brains: You  think about one of any number of things at anyone time but only for a short amount of time because then your mind goes blank as you encounter a "general ......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• You might be a runner if... http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?board=1&id=9545&thread=9545 ...your toenails are black. ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does. ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper. ...you have chafing in strange places. ...people say, "You run three miles...at once?" ...all your socks are either stained or torn. ...your......

• Reluctance to Use Emergency Funds The first step in any good financial plan is to establish an emergency fund to handle life's emergencies and break the cycle of turning to debt. However, some people feel a reluctance to use the fund in an emergency and turn to credit cards to cash flow each bump in......
• Holiday Camping Tips [caption id="attachment_16" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Holiday Camping Tips"][/caption]Camping trips in mountains, forests and beaches is a great group activity for all ages. The experience of sleeping, cooking and eating out in the open is a great way to explore the outdoors. Camping require more equipments and preparations compared to many other......
• Devotional: Are You Limiting God? photo credit: juandao Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." - Matthew 19:26 Israel was losing the war against the Syrians. God’s prophet Elisha was dying. All seemed bleak. King Joash visits the dying Elisha. Joash begins to......
• I hope Brian Govern got some swag from The Mountain If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, don't worry.  I'll explain. If you do, then obviously you've heard of the wonders of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt.  This shirt from The Mountain in Keene, New Hampshire, is now the #1 selling item in the Apparel section of......

• Should I Advertise in a Recession?

  (A time to gain market share!)

  *PART TWO* Last time we went over two of the basic things that focus your marketing efforts to gain the clients your competitors are no longer fighting for. This time we will cover putting together all of the information you gathered and making good use of it. Become more competitive In a......

• You might be a Twitter Spammer if... (Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username - e..g., "d spam @spammer") You still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn't yet) You have been suspended on a regular basis: "Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due......
• You might be a Fear Factor addict if... You might be a fear factor addict if... You say grace like this: In 3...2...1...GO! You can recite Joe's disclaimer at the beginning (the stunts you're about to see...) You've ever cooked with worms you've actually tried to jump from building to building. You're used to the taste of buffalo's......
• Drunk needs a push GOTTA  LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE    A man, and his wife are awakened at 3  o'clock in the morning by  loud pounding on the  door.   The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken  stranger,   standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a  push.......
• You might be from Michigan if... You might be from Michigan if... 1. You're in a foul mood for days if the Red Wings loose a game. 2. You know what Greenfield Village is. 3. You party in Canada on the weekends. 4. You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out. 5. You don't find sleeping......
• (More) You might be a band geek if... ...one time, you went to band camp and came back with a girlfriend. ...you actually like wearing your marching uniform. ...you have your band director on speed dial. ...you have your band director as an emergency contact. (...but what if you're at band camp??) ...you have your high band teacher's......

• You might be a history major if... You might be a history major if.... 1. You find yourself correcting your parents on their history (especially since the last history class they had was in high school...apparently, my dad thinks that Frank Lloyd Wright was one of the Wright Bros.). 2. You find yourself correcting YOUR PROFESSORS on......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• You might be a band geek if... during concert season you wish you where out on the field. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you can be found before school, at lunch, and after school down in front of the band room with all the other band members. ( Jennie *Goober* ) you spend more time in the......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• You might be a bad driver if... you've ever offered someone inordinate sums of money for the damage because if the insurance company hears about one more accident... your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on asfault in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you. you go to leave the frat party stone......

• Review: Beauty and the Beast by Hannah Howell Beauty and the Beast by Hannah Howell is not a spectacular read. It is however a pretty solid read. I found several segments to be unnecessary and jumpy and predictable in others. This Highlander romance contains all the elements of the sub-genre including bride stealing, thwarted love, revenge plotting,......
• The kindness of friends in the blogosphere My stuff was stolen A few days ago I wrote on this blog about how my car had been broken into, and that I had about $700 worth of electronics, clothing and gear stolen from me.  Among the items stolen were my Ipod and my digital camera. I was extremely......
• Music and Writing Last week I wrote a post about a formula I found that works for me whenever I want to "inspire" myself to write. Well, there was something I left out of the equation that merits being discussed: music. A couple of things made me realize how stupid it was to......
• Read the Manual, Stupid! Photo by Sopues When I was a kid, one of my best friends seemed to always have a new video game to play. I would come over and he'd be playing it and I would usually just sit there and watch. Eventually, he would get angry and throw his......
• The good old days, redux Last night, as the extremely rock and roll Amanda Kleinman was preparing to rock the 9:30 club, I was in my kitchen with a book marketing conference call muted, trying to get my kids ready for bed while tuning in enough to learn something. You can imagine how well THAT......

• You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......
• You might be from Michigan if... You might be from Michigan if... 1. You're in a foul mood for days if the Red Wings loose a game. 2. You know what Greenfield Village is. 3. You party in Canada on the weekends. 4. You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out. 5. You don't find sleeping......
• You might be a Twitter Spammer if... (Tip:  To report spam, follow @spam on Twitter and then direct message the @username - e..g., "d spam @spammer") You still have the default avatar (Hint to anyone who hasn't yet) You have been suspended on a regular basis: "Sorry, the account you were headed to has been suspended due......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......

• That's a lot of money If you've been using Quicken (or another tracking program) for a long time, and you ever want to scare yourself, run a Spending > Itemized Categories Report for the entire time period you've tracked. All I can say after doing this is wow. If I believed Quicken, I'd have spent......
• What My Parents Did and Didn't Teach Me About Credit and Money Management Comparing what I learned about money from my parents with what I didn't learn. I think that overall, my parents did an excellent job. What about yours?...
• Seniors Do You Need More Money Consider A Reverse Mortgage The Facts About a Reverse Mortgage 1. What is a reverse mortgage? A reverse mortgage allows homeowners who are 62 years of age and older to utilize their equity as income.  By the way, equity is the difference between how much you owe on your home and the appraised value......
• Ask The Readers: Sunscreen for Hair and Scalp? Back in 2000, my friends and I scrapped up as much money as we could to rent a summer house in Newport, Rhode Island. It was one of the best summers of my life and something I'll never forget. Even back then, we knew that spending those weekends in the......
• Simple Ways to Save Money Once before, I've talked about certain habits I follow in order to save money.   If you're too lazy to follow the link, I'm speaking about my driving habits that save money (up to 32 MPG Now!), but in the end help the environment just a bit.  After Global......