• your “International” airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states. (Louisville “would-like-to-be” International Airport)
• the in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship.
• you live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes, but has no capacity to deal with any of the above.
• you pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you’ve heard.  (Lullvull, Luavull, Lewisville, Looeyvull…)
• you sound like a hick to a majority of people outside of Kentucky.
• you think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks.
• when you think “Kentucky” you don’t automatically think horse racing or fried chicken.
• you ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to “move.”
• you’ve ever taken a winter coat along on a day that starts out 65 degrees and sunny…   (it might get cold by afternoon)
• …or you’ve ever shovelled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.
• you’ve ever experienced a “salt storm” after a two-inch snowfall.  (seriously–there was more salt on the road than there ever was snow…)

• You might be taking the beanie babies thing too far if... An oldie from the first days of YouMightBe.com... you spend so much money on beanies that you can't afford beans. you kick out your grandmother so the beanies can have their own room. someone asks you how many kids you have, and you answer, "1030... but some are doubles." (......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• If Operating Systems Ran Your Brain If operating systems ran your brain Windows for brains: --------- You  think about one of any number of things at anyone time  but only for a short amount of time because then your mind goes blank as  you  encounter a "general  protection fault" and  as  a  last resort you have......
• Lawyer Light Bulb Jokes How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company. How many contract lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? WHEREAS, the party......
• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......

• Save Time, Money and Space in Over 80 Ways If you're looking for handy gadgets, tools and various items that can save you time, money or space (or all three!) this list of more than 80 top products is just what you need. Everyone's got saving money on their minds these days. Some of us are always looking to......
• How to Invest: Growth vs. Value When it comes to investing in stocks for capital gains, there are two different approaches that can be taken in order to ensure that your stocks increase their worth: growth investing and value investing.  (There are other rationales for investing, such as investing for dividends, but for now let's stick......
• Del Mar: Southern California's Horse Racing Capital Southern California's Del Mar Racetrack has been is often overshadowed by East Coast venues like Churchill Downs and Belmont Park. The reality is that the 72 year old track has a history to rival their better known counterparts that includes the greatest horses and jockeys in the sport, as......
• US Golf Team Gets Ready for the Ryder Cup The past few Ryder Cups have been a bit of an embarrassment for the US team and as the 2008 Cup draws near, the team is going through some special preparation to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Although defeat has been common at the Ryder Cup for the US......
• Kentucky Derby Sports-Memorabilia -> Fan-Apparel-and-Souvenirs -> Other-Sports -> The Kentucky Derby is the first of the three thoroughbred races held in the United States each year, known collectively as the Triple Crown. The derby is the first race, the Preakness Stakes is second, and the Belmont Stakes is race number three. It’s......

Yet another e-mail forward:

• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
• How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
• There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
• While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

• You might be anal-retentive if... you eat the M&Ms in color order. you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper. From Miranda: you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size. you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......

• Open Call to HGTV Message Board Members It was about 10 months ago that we were talking with a few members of the HGTV Message Board, and they expressed dissatisfaction with the way that their Message Boards were being moderated.  All I heard was a constant barrage of complaints that people's thoughts/comments/posts were being deleted from the......
• My Method For Coupon Stockpiling I've recently begun coupon stockpiling, after I discovered how much money I can save by combining sales with coupons. We receive the Sunday newspaper which contains the coupon flyers so in the past I've only had one coupon to use for each item I would find on sale. However, to......
• Save Time, Money and Space in Over 80 Ways If you're looking for handy gadgets, tools and various items that can save you time, money or space (or all three!) this list of more than 80 top products is just what you need. Everyone's got saving money on their minds these days. Some of us are always looking to......
• Watch Out For The New IRS/US Tax Court Scam Email. The Internal Revenue Service is going to sue me for not paying enough taxes. At least, that's what the email said that I received. However, since I already knew that the IRS does not send unsolicited emails out to people, it was pretty obvious that the email was a fraud.......
• Manual e-mail account setup (POP and IMAP) If automatic account setup does not work for your POP or IMAP account, you will have to perform the setup it manually. It’s a bit more involved but nothing to be afraid of. You need some information in addition to your e-mail address and password. This information should be available......

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker – but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it…..
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

• If Operating Systems Ran Your Brain If operating systems ran your brain Windows for brains: --------- You  think about one of any number of things at anyone time  but only for a short amount of time because then your mind goes blank as  you  encounter a "general  protection fault" and  as  a  last resort you have......
• You might be a bachelor if... *  you eat frozen pizza without microwaving it. ( you can cook those things? ) * you use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers. ( Bert van Viegen, viegen ) * you get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it......
• (More) You might be a band geek if... ...one time, you went to band camp and came back with a girlfriend. ...you actually like wearing your marching uniform. ...you have your band director on speed dial. ...you have your band director as an emergency contact. (...but what if you're at band camp??) ...you have your high band teacher's......
• You might be a runner if... http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?board=1&id=9545&thread=9545 ...your toenails are black. ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does. ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper. ...you have chafing in strange places. ...people say, "You run three miles...at once?" ...all your socks are either stained or torn. ...your......
• Murphy's Laws for EMS The First Law of EMS: All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time. Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat. Corollary 2: Always order food "to go". The Law of Time: 1. There is absolutely no relationship between......

• There Are Tons Of Folks Who Make A Living From Home With Their Own Business! Maybe You Can Too! Maybe you can work online, writing or doing customer service from home. Perhaps you can get a website of your own, and sell something to people! You can set up a simple website and sell something to the masses. It can be kept simple, and you can even get a......
• Tying the Usual The Usual is a very simple fly to tie, and can easily be accomplished by anyone who is starting to tie flies, due to the fact that it is very forgiving. When I tie the Usual, I prefer to use a #10 Mustad hook. I have found this size to......
• Henness Pass Fishing Paved access to this pass' fishing leaves the Highway 89 just fifteen minutes north of where Truckee is. It will run down along the Little Truckee River until it reaches the end of the pavement which is at the Jackson Meadows Reservoir Dam. Here you will find dirt roads that......
• Our finances this week - car repair time We took our 1999 Dodge Caravan in for service this week.  It was time for an oil change, plus we'd been noticing a strong gas smell intermittently.  We own this van outright, and it has 112,000 miles on it and runs like a charm.  We're fortunate that we've found a......
• How To Buy Cheap Eyeglasses Online I had a reader approach me with this guest post. Ken Brownstein is a college student who enjoys visiting personal finance blogs. I am honored to have a reader offer me their thoughts on saving! Following are some of Ken’s frugal tips about shopping for eyewear. Image from DesktopNexus.com I......

• You might be a high school freshman if... You might be a freshman in highschool if... 1. You sign up for every club available. 2. You make a point of dressing like and acting like the social group you wish to infiltrate... 3. ...and habitually walk by their "spot" an average of 12.5694 times each lunch... 4. ...buying......
• You might be an Animaniacs fan if... you've tried to outdo Yakko's singing of the dictionary by singing the Encylopedia. (Lynxan) you've suspected that your successful friend might be a chicken. (Lynxan) you yell "potty emergency" every time you need to go. ( Deena ) you can sing the words to Wakko's "America"... ...or Yahoo's "World".........
• You might be a Canadian if... You might be a Canadian if... You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK". You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, i just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know that a mickey and......
• You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
• You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......