• your “International” airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states. (Louisville “would-like-to-be” International Airport)
• the in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship.
• you live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes, but has no capacity to deal with any of the above.
• you pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you’ve heard.  (Lullvull, Luavull, Lewisville, Looeyvull…)
• you sound like a hick to a majority of people outside of Kentucky.
• you think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks.
• when you think “Kentucky” you don’t automatically think horse racing or fried chicken.
• you ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to “move.”
• you’ve ever taken a winter coat along on a day that starts out 65 degrees and sunny…   (it might get cold by afternoon)
• …or you’ve ever shovelled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.
• you’ve ever experienced a “salt storm” after a two-inch snowfall.  (seriously–there was more salt on the road than there ever was snow…)

• You might be a biker if... going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike. your gloves don't have any fingers. you prefer to pee outside. your beer preference is BEER. you treat your leather better than your woman. you wash your bike more than you wash yourself. rock-and-roll is the only kind of......
• You might be taking the beanie babies thing too far if... An oldie from the first days of YouMightBe.com... you spend so much money on beanies that you can't afford beans. you kick out your grandmother so the beanies can have their own room. someone asks you how many kids you have, and you answer, "1030... but some are doubles." (......
• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......
• You might be a nurse if... your friends call you for medical advice. ( lloyd , avatarj@mindspring.com ) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you (Mary) you have the bladder capacity of five people you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an......
• More You Might be from Florida if... You know what Malfunction Junction is. You know the latitude and longitude of every tropical wave. Of all the bad four-letter words, WIND is the worst. you never have more than 20 dollars worth of food in yourr freezer you think your hall closet or saferoom as cozy you can......

• Hong Kong Jockey Club Loses Out to Glitzy Macau Casinos The 124-year-old Hong Kong Jockey Club, whose racetrack revenues are one of the secrets of the territory's economic success, is facing a decidedly modern threat: glitzy casinos being built by Las Vegas operators in nearby Macau.The new competitors are draining away at least $2.4 billion a year in potential betting......
• US Golf Team Gets Ready for the Ryder Cup The past few Ryder Cups have been a bit of an embarrassment for the US team and as the 2008 Cup draws near, the team is going through some special preparation to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Although defeat has been common at the Ryder Cup for the US......
• Kentucky Derby Sports-Memorabilia -> Fan-Apparel-and-Souvenirs -> Other-Sports -> The Kentucky Derby is the first of the three thoroughbred races held in the United States each year, known collectively as the Triple Crown. The derby is the first race, the Preakness Stakes is second, and the Belmont Stakes is race number three. It’s......
• Del Mar: Southern California's Horse Racing Capital Southern California's Del Mar Racetrack has been is often overshadowed by East Coast venues like Churchill Downs and Belmont Park. The reality is that the 72 year old track has a history to rival their better known counterparts that includes the greatest horses and jockeys in the sport, as......
• How to Invest: Growth vs. Value When it comes to investing in stocks for capital gains, there are two different approaches that can be taken in order to ensure that your stocks increase their worth: growth investing and value investing.  (There are other rationales for investing, such as investing for dividends, but for now let's stick......

Yet another e-mail forward:

• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
• How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem….
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
• There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
• While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

• ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS 1.  Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use  it. 2.  Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.  Just stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into......
• IT Light Bulb Jokes Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four hundred and seventy-two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle... Q: How many technical support personnel does it take to change a light bulb? A: We have an exact copy......
• You might be a gamer if... You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG". You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll) You use game stats to describe things in real life. You laugh yourself silly when you hear the word "Gazebo". The......
• You might be a computer geek if... This was inspired by a site that apparently no longer exists.  I'm starting this one from scratch. you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc... you're a card-carrying member of the EFF when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm......
• You might be a Canadian if... You might be a Canadian if... You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK". You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, i just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know that a mickey and......

• Better Than A Garage Sale - Freecycle Today I made my first participation in the Freecycle program in my area and I am so glad that I did.  I signed up a while ago with my local Freecycle program.  I receive daily e-mails of items that people in my area would like to get rid of.  What is......
• e-mail Etiquette I have few pet peeves in this world... But, I do have a few with the way some people use e-mail. Here are a few of my peeves. People who reply without copying the original e-mail, or citing part of the original e-mail.  I'm not a mind reader, and I......
• Open Call to HGTV Message Board Members It was about 10 months ago that we were talking with a few members of the HGTV Message Board, and they expressed dissatisfaction with the way that their Message Boards were being moderated.  All I heard was a constant barrage of complaints that people's thoughts/comments/posts were being deleted from the......
• Surf Skate Wake Board - What's Your Passion? For many people, there is nothing that they find to be more exhilarating or exciting then boarding of all types. This can mean surfing, skate boarding, wake boarding and more. For many people it may e the danger that they feel or even the endorphins that they feel coursing through......
• My Favorite "Secret" Recipe Site I get weekly emails from Top Secret Recipes.  Each week they feature a top secret recipe that is a clone of one from the popular restaurants.  The recipe is only available for a week but you can print it out and save it for later use.  I have quite a......

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker – but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it…..
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

• You might be from Seattle if... I saw this on-line and did not see a link here. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty You use the word "sun breaks", and know what it means You can’t wait for a day with "Showers and......
• You might be a runner if... http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?board=1&id=9545&thread=9545 ...your toenails are black. ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does. ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper. ...you have chafing in strange places. ...people say, "You run three miles...at once?" ...all your socks are either stained or torn. ...your......
• Cow Capitalism Cow capitalism Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income. Enron Venture Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit......
• (More) You might be a band geek if... ...one time, you went to band camp and came back with a girlfriend. ...you actually like wearing your marching uniform. ...you have your band director on speed dial. ...you have your band director as an emergency contact. (...but what if you're at band camp??) ...you have your high band teacher's......
• Diary of an AOL User One of my favorites from long ago. July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it's the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another. I can't connect. I......

• Waiting for a Doctor on a Holiday  We're having another health crisis at my house.  Of course these things always happen on a weekend and a holiday.This time my mom, who is 81, has a reoccurring   sever eye infection.  We need to call the eye doctor, but he isn't in and probably won't be until tomorrow.  Of course we......
• There Are Tons Of Folks Who Make A Living From Home With Their Own Business! Maybe You Can Too! Maybe you can work online, writing or doing customer service from home. Perhaps you can get a website of your own, and sell something to people! You can set up a simple website and sell something to the masses. It can be kept simple, and you can even get a......
• Rule of Law Here is an interesting fact. Before this age of nations in the feudal era (feudal = war) there was war, but the total body of deaths is dwarfed by just the Vietnam war and that wasn’t even considered a world war. Where is this noble rule of law that lets......
• West Coast Salmon Season Called Off From the Contra Costa Times (http://www.contracostatimes.com/search/ci_8557645): Unprecedented collapse in fish population forces cancellation among West Coast states Early season salmon fishing off the coasts of California and most of Oregon was shut down Wednesday by federal regulators responding to an unprecedented collapse of salmon populations along the West Coast. The......
• You could hear the panic I've been catching up on some old money-related podcasts lately (as in, from December & January of 2008). Not only is the content interesting, the tone of the voices are. Viewed with a little six-month perspective, I can more easily hear the panic in the voices. It's like an undercurrent......

• You might be addicted to Twitter if... There is a bird-chirping noise coming from your computer every minute or so. You refer to people as @nickname outside of Twitter (seek help if you refer to them that way in real life) People have threatened to un-friend you on Facebook because you have the Twitter app turned......
• You might be a biker if... going 4-wheeling means your old lady has her own bike. your gloves don't have any fingers. you prefer to pee outside. your beer preference is BEER. you treat your leather better than your woman. you wash your bike more than you wash yourself. rock-and-roll is the only kind of......
• You might be a spammer if... You put tracking/randomization numbers in your subject lines: Cash-flow-74002006 Your entire message body is composed of images, without any description text. gmail can't seem to "preview in html" the pdf you attached. Your sender name includes one of the following words: panel, notice, meds, travel, survey Note: I said......
• Musician Light Bulb Jokes How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, we have machines to do that now. How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb? None, the keyboardist can do it with his left hand. How many lead guitarists does it take to change......
• You might be a cheesehead if... Much like the redneck lists, the good lists make you wonder if the person is putting himself down for being one. You might be a Cheesehead if... 1. If your idea of a 7-course meal is a Brat and a 6-pack... you might be a Cheesehead! 2. If the Packer......