A list from 10+ years ago…

• you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge.
• there is writing on the white-out on your screen
• -you can’t figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means
• someone asks you how to cut and paste, you say “just use scissors and glue.”
• you try to squash your disk to compress files in it.
• you scream “Bloody hell! What have i done wrong THIS time, you ***** computer?” every time your computer spits out “error”.
• you own your computer only 5 minutes before you crash it. (Lisa)
• you try to find a game and can’t, and you hit the monitor and scream, “Why won’t you work?!?” (Lisa)
• when the screen saver comes on you’re almost positive that your computer really did crash this time.
• if there is white out on your computer screen. (Visitor submission)
• if you don’t use Windows because you religiously don’t believe in icons. (Dave Tibbs)
• you wonder who General Protection Fault is and what the hell the army wants from you.
• the only reason you hang out with that *geek* next door is because he will fix your computer for free (Amy R.).
• you think your mouse is a foot pedal (Jason)
• you own a Macintosh (Visitor Submission: Doc Holiday) (please don’t flame me on this one.)
• you think the computer from which virus came actually created the virus (it’s all a conspiracy).
• you think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
• you think the “escape” key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.
• you don’t know where the “any” key is.
• you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
• you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
• you use AOL disks as coasters.  (Also a sign that you’re a computer geek.)
• you’ve used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
• you think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
• you think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
• you’ve ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
• you’ve ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
• you went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies…
• …and you really needed it.
• you think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to. (Geeks have this problem too.)
• Someone gives you a 5-1/4″ Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2″ Drive and wonder why the drive doesn’t work. (Michael M.)
• You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an “Illegal Operation” error on your computer screen. (Jay)

The person with a phobia of making coffee – Leaves 2+ nearly empty pots on active burners after getting coffee, before 9am.  If the coffee maker is already in such a state, will discreetly duck into the bathroom or wait 5 minutes for someone else to make a pot or two.  Sometimes will turn off the burners or pull the filter basket out to “save energy” or hint that someone needs to make coffee.

The busy bee coffee maker – The opposite of the “phobia” person.  Feels compelled to always ensure that all pots are full of fresh coffee.  Will occasionally dump out a 1/2 pot that looks “old” to make this happen.

The dependent decaf drinker – As any dependent coffee drinker, drags self to the coffee maker, desperate for that morning boost, and grabs the DECAF pot.

The cheery decaf drinker – Acts about as cheery as someone who’s had a quad shot of espresso for the first time and walks up for a refill of decaf.

The half and half drinker – Probably uses coffee as an excuse for his half and half habit.  Frozen coffee drinks at major chain stores are usually darker.

The burn off drinker – will drink the mostly evaporated sludge at the bottom of the pot. Sources are unclear whether this is a preference or laziness.

The “save energy because it’s after 10am” coffee drinker - Sometimes this is a cover for a phobia of making coffee.  Other times, this is a reincarnation of your parents or grandparents who chased you around the house turning off everything you turned on.
The 3pm coffee maker – Sometimes gets offended that a bulk of the office population stops drinking coffee after lunch and grumbles about having to make coffee.  Other times, it’s a simple conditioned response from years of drinking coffee at coffee houses after 9 pm.

The tea drinker – Sends coffee drinkers in a panic when lining up for the last cup of coffee, only to use the hot water spout to make tea.

The oatmeal eater who uses a coffee mug – Same effect as the tea drinker, although the motivation seems a little more sinister.

The overpowering flavored coffee brewer – Brews coffee that taints the flavor of every pot brewed the remainder of the day, as well as tainting the air in 5,000 square feet of office space.

Inspired by Ben Thomas’ suggestions:

The procedural purist – Scolds anyone who takes from the pot early or uses the hot water tap on the coffee maker while coffee is brewing.

The accidental barista – Knows that a coffee house would brew at at least twice the coffee-to-water ratio that the pre-measured packs imply, and thusly, uses two packs of coffee per brew.

Some additional late additions

The soup mug coffee drinker – Drinks coffee out of a coffee mug [see Campbell's Soup Mug].  While this serving size is no different than the 16-20 oz coffee tumbler, the clear advantage to this soup mug is the larger exposed surface area to aid in rapid cooling [as opposed to a tumbler which might be expected to keep the coffee warm for a longer period before the coffee is consumed].

The soda drinker – avoids the coffee area altogether, but sometimes stashes a cold soda in the refrigerator, and therefore, has to navigate the herd of people waiting for the coffee.  Shakes head in amazement at such a dependency on a nasty brown liquid whilst scampering off with own artificially colored/flavored/carbonated water.

• you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the way they are,” after meeting the parents.
• you’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!”
• …outside of the classroom.
• you can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.
• you believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on report cards.
• you think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.
• you hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.
• your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.
• you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
• you correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
• when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
• you’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.
• your correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
• when you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.
• any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.
• you think it’s normal to go through four years of college to earn a salary that’s below the poverty line.
• you send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public…
• … and they go.
• you cringe whenever someone says, “At least you give three months vacation.”
• …or “I would love to get off work at 3.”
• (most) people allow you to tell their child what to do.

• you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week.
• you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
• you refer to the Packers as “we.”
• your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• snow tires come standard on all your cars.
• you know what cowtipping is.
• traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
• you know what a bubbler is.
• a brat is something you eat.
• you only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
• you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
• your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightshirt.
• you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
• you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
• you consider Madison exotic.
• you don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
• you were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
• you go out for fish fry every Friday.
• you know what to do with a Blatz.
• you can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
• you know how to polka.
• you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
• at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
• you know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.
• you can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.
• you’ve seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
• the local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports. you drink soda and refer to your dad as “pop.”
• formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
• your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
• you find 0 degrees a little chilly.
• you actually understand these jokes.
• you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.
• “Down South” to you means Chicago…
• your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar…
• at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm…
• you can identify a Michigan accent…
• you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike…
• traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee…
• the “Big Three” means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR
• you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday…
• the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do…
• your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce…
• you think there should be a “FIB go home” bumper sticker on every car north of Madison…
• a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer…
• you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts…
• when you tell someone where you are from and they say: ‘I thought that was part of Canada…
• your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July…
• you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions…..
• every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.
• FFA was the most popular club in high school. (That’s Future Farmers of America to the rest of you.)
• you have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.
• the town you grew up in had a bar called Ma’s Place.
• cheese is an important staple in your diet.
• there was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning…phew!
• you have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.
• you know how to pronounce “brat”.
• you loved it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer.
• Sunday morning at church involves lots of coffee, JellO molds and danish.
• Country Kitchen was the place to meet after the party. (or Perkins )
• you know someone who can use “ja, der hey” in a sentence.
• your school lost half their student body during deer season.
• at every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
• you ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.
• you know it’s traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
• you own at least one cheese head.
• Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game!
• you have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.
• you have been to at least one house party on Johnson Street in Madison.
• you get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it “Wesconsin”.
• your high school class went to the Pabst Theater to see “A Christmas Carol”.
• you thought everyone drank from “bubblers”.
• you went to the local tavern on Friday night for Fish Fry.
• you have drank “white soda” (ie 7Up, Sprite, etc).
• you have experienced snow storms in April.
• you have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.
• you know what a “flatlander” is and you know all the “why Wisconsin is better than Illinois” jokes.
• you get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play “On Wisconsin”.
• you believe that Badgers will always beat Gophers.
• The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are.
• you have been to a “BoDeans” concert.
• you have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana,German Fest, Irish Fest or all of the above.
• you or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.
• you have gone out of your way to eat ice cream at Gilles’ or Kopp’s.
• Goodyear Tire on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas
• driving is better in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow
• sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
• the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
• you head south to go to your cottage.
• the trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.
• you play hockey outdoors 10 months a year.
• you can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.
• you were offended by the movie Fargo.
• your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers .
• you’ve seen a hodag.
• you know that Gotham is a real city.
• your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
• Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive in a giant beer mug.
• you tried to tap the Worlds Largest Six Pack.
• you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
• you have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
• you define swimming season as Labor Day weekend..
• you know where the city of Waunakee is AND can pronounce it
• you have more fishing poles than teeth.
• you’ve taken your kids trickortreating in a blizzard
• you know which leaves make good toilet paper
• your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus
• you define Summer as three months of bad sledding…
• you got a passport to go to Minnesota…
• you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend…
• your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
• you can identify an Illinois accent.
• you know where Oconomowoc is AND can pronounce and spell it.

A couple other places I found:

• Must Be From Wisconsin – If:
• You Know You’re From Wisconsin If…